To ask for your ideas for “date nights” without babysitting?

[leftorrightnow]

Trying to reinvigorate my marriage. After some tough years, DH and I are having couples counselling and it’s slowly improving things, but think we also need to reconnect more.

But trouble is, we very rarely have babysitting available. Kids are 9 and 7, so not old enough to be left alone of course. (No family nearby, no friends in a position babysit unless for emergencies, and just trying to get a new teenage babysitter in place, but DS (7) is not falling asleep without us so far, so options are limited although she may be able to look after them during weekends daytime soon)

Any ideas for things you can do at home to make it feel a bit like a date night, or just connecting activities that can be done at home after kids are in bed, or even with them around?

Also welcome ideas for regular date nights, for when we occasionally can get babysitting, anything that you particularly have found a good way to connect? We often end up with the usual - cinema, concerns, restaurants, so keen for other ideas.

We did a Zoom wine tasting and it was great! They post you a box of wine samples then you log on to Zoom and the expert takes you through how to taste wine properly and discusses the flavours with you. It was so much fun!

The one we did was Wine tasting with Gilbert Winfield which cost £60 https://www.winfieldwines.co.uk/product-page/the-quarantine-wine-tasting

There’s also a version for £30 where you get the same wines with a pre recorded video to listen to.
https://www.winfieldwines.co.uk/product-page/wine-styles-virtual-wine-tasting

We try to take a day off while the kids are at school/nursery and go out for lunch to circumvent the babysitting issues (and cost!).

If not we get a nice takeaway but have a rule of not eating it in-front of the tv so we make sure we chat, listen to music etc.

We also enjoy a game of scrabble (Friday nights have really changed since we had kids 😂).

We bought a "solve the crime" kit!

It comes with evidence, witness statements and bits and bobs and you have to work out who did it.

We've done them before with a takeaway and a glass of wine each when baby is in bed and it's been lovely.

We both work from home so every lunch time we go for a walk. It's only half an hour or so but we chat about all sorts and get some fresh air.

If the kids are busy on the weekend we go for a hour

We do similar but with "Exit" puzzle games. They are escape rooms in a box and you get a spooky soundtrack on an app.

https://www.board-game.co.uk/product/exit-the-return-to-the-abandoned-cabin/

Glass of whisky, Bob's your mother's brother. I prefer it to the pub.

Can I suggest something? I’m a grandmother now but when my DC were the age of the OP’s children I needed childcare. Along came Ruth, a retired lady who wanted so much to be a DGM but her sons weren’t ready plus they lived hundreds of miles away.
Ruth was experienced, patient, kind, reliable, knew the importance of mum and dad needing time together and she loved my DC. They loved her too, and had so much fun with her. Now I’m her age and would be happy with a bit of help with technology, the lawn mowing - you get my drift - rather than money. Not all babysitters have to be teenagers.

What a lovely thread! Planning a future day out in enough detail, so it can be realistically followed and done for real, is a good way to come out of the everyday stress and have something to look forward to.

Loving this thread - thank you!

Friday nights is music nights for us. We take it in turns to pick the tracks and have several hours of just music, living room dancing, conversaion or sometimes just silience whilst we listen to the music, few drinks and some nice food. The rest of the week we're off in our own intrests or watching tv not spending time together but in the same house.

Totally agree!

We also had reciprocal babysitting which was paid for with curtain rings in a chicke of Mums. This was the 80s/90s. So couple 1 Dad would stay in with their kids, Mum would babysit for couple 2. They'd pay Mum from couple 1 with a curtain ring that she could then spend on a babysit from someone else. Worked brilliantly and the kids loved it as they knew the babysitter as their friend's Mum. 😊😊

*Circle of Mums

Perhaps instigate a regular screen free evening. Get a hello fresh box or a take away or something that means you can enjoy a more special meal than the usual with less washing up. Then do a shared activity like

• board games
• jigsaw puzzles
• a puzzmat (it's like an at home escape room style puzzle experience)
• a sculpd kit
• read eachother a story (sounds cringe but it can be fun, take it in turns to read chapters
• try things like dressing up for dinner, lightning candles
• do the '36 questions which may lead to love'
• get a baking kit (https://cakeordeath.co.uk/products/bake-at-home-cookies?awc=27237_1725480743_3d5bb0bb432d73d56beb0e38e920193b)
• or an arty date night in a box (rb.gy/yk9xfo)
• keep an eye out for meteor showers and spend an evening snuggled up with hot drinks and blankets star gazing

Lots you can do without needing to go out!

Take a day and go for lunch somewhere when the kids are at school.
Make something together for dinner in the evening. Nice bottle of wine or whatever you're into.
Cosy up under a blanket and watch a film.
A bath or shower together.
Play a game.
Snuggle in bed and just be with each other.

Thanks @StMarieforme.
I was 61 before I became a nanna, had wanted to have the role for quite some time but had to wait until my AC “promoted” me. Ruth felt the same and loved being my DCs’ “grandmother”.
Before Ruth there was Diane, whose daughter I took through GCSE. She wouldn’t accept more than magazines and the occasional editing of her daughter’s A-level assignments.
Seriously, consider asking our age group. We’ve ‘revitalised’ marriages, brought up children, have the t-shirts, and quite a few of us are in the wings very keenly waiting for DGC. For everything else in life we can work or pay but being a DGP has to be awarded. It can be a looong wait during which time we thoroughly enjoy being with children.
Clearly you have to be sensible and not all are enthusiastic but it’s worth a thought.
As you say, @StMarieforme, babysitting circles also have their merit which, for me, bridged the time between Diane and Ruth.

When our DC’s were little. On a Friday night I used to wear make up and perfume, get an M&S meal deal or something nice for tea, lay the table, light a candle, put background music on, open a bottle of wine and pretend we were in a restaurant.

We were also a fan of a sneaky, cheeky day or half day off and either having a nice lunch and going to bed (if just half a day). Or having a spa day together or a nice day out in the country on our own.

You really need to work on a good bedtime and sleep routine with them. Preferably before they are at Secondary School up late and likely to be eveywhere.

We have a village that has 4 restaurants/pubs (tourist centre). We go there on the bus for a lunchtime. Linger over coffee and chat in a different way to being at home.

If children away, earlier bus and straight to bed.

We've started private dance lessons with another couple, one evening every other week in early evenings. We rotate houses and bring the kids with us. Not cheap but great fun and brings connection back. And I’d never thought I ever be doing something like this so makes me grin even writing it as it sounds very random/poncey to have a dance teacher come to our home! 💃🕺

We both like painting I paint flowers/plants mainly on canvas/paper and DH paints miniatures for his niche Mumsnet hobby, but we do so at either end of the dining table with a podcast on we both enjoy

Fire pit in the garden is fun. Talking, star gazing, toasting marshmallows

Sexy scrabble (Google it)

full body massage (either just one person or each do it to eachother)

Bake off

take turns cooking eachother dinner

cook together - either a shared meal or one does main / one does dessert

Computer games - I quite like the Lego ones or something like unravelled 2 or it takes 2 is a good co-op.

Date nights are hard when you have kids and I am pretty much in the same boat.

I've seen a few videos on social media where couples sit opposite each other and paint a portrait picture of their other half within a time frame and then reveal. It's a way to have a good laugh. We have done this but included our kids also to make it fun.

Cooking together.
A completely random movie choice of something you would NEVER normally watch-we recently did some cheesy Cary Grant 50’s stuff and loved it.
Shower together.
Bale and decorate cakes.
Slow dance in the kitchen.
Wrap up really warm and have an outdoor picnic.
Board games.
Random jigsaw ( better fun if one of you hasn’t a clue what it is)
Pedicure.
Print off a load of photos from your phone and spend time putting them in an old fashioned album.
Most importantly, no phones!

And daytime lunch/afternoon sex dates. Worth sacrificing some annual leave for!

We either take a half day on a school day and go for lunch or we get something cool for dinner (a simply cook recipe kit, a big steak etc) and tell the kids it's an early night night (maybe they can watch a movie upstairs etc) but no coming downstairs unless there's an emergency. Not in a harsh way, more like one of us cooks while the other puts the kids to bed at 730ish and we eat at 8