Struggling with financial discussions

[Newagestage]

Hi all,
Hoping for some advice, I know this has been done to death but I want to make sure I am fair in what I'm saying, happy to be told I am wrong.
I work 3 days a week at reduced hours, this is so I am available to collect our daughter from nursery, two days a week I am home with her. My husband works 5 days a week full time and sometimes 6 days. We don't have joint finances, we have been splitting the bills in line with how much of the joint income we supply ie I earn 25% of our overall income and he earns the rest.
I am finding it extremely difficult to discuss finances or any changes with him as he gets quite defensive and for some reason thinks things are unfair, but I am finding it very unfair, I have no money at the end of the month, what I earn in a week he earns in one day. Looking for advice on how to handle these discussions.

Reading your update he's not being very fair about this. If you were chilling round the house and meeting friends and hair appointments etc etc I'd get it. But you're left with nothing and do all the chores. I'd tell him it's time to pay for childcare while you get yourself back full time and 50/50 chores....I bet you which one he will choose.

In what way does it end in an argument?
Does he know you have nothing left?
Does he not care?
Is he on board with you working part time vs his 6 days outside the home?

What do you think the cause for the arguments is? Are you paying for things that he maybe doesn’t think are or should be as expensive as they are? Or is he just a dick?

We have a joint account which was set up when I became a SAHM and we still have it. All money going into it is 'ours' but we would consult each other over large purchases.

The key thing is that DH was a SAHD for 9 months with our first so he appreciated how hard it is

I think the thing to remember and remind him of is that in a divorce you are entitled to money you did not earn ie a portion of his pension pot. You are not money grabbing to want a more fair share of the money you both bring in together or did he forget that when you married you formed a legal contract?

This is someone who is meant to love you, how can he see you with no money for yourself every month? You are not a child to be handed pocket money, you are a family unit and an adult who has taken on a lot of the household chores.

Maybe talk to him about returning to work full time and then ask what chores he will be taking on for his 50% share. Also what days he will be doing for nursery drop off and collection as you cannot be expected to do it all. This isn't about the lack of money you bring in but his lack of respect for you.

I don't know why women are putting up with /pampering these 'princesses'.

I can do all my housework, child -rearing and struggling by myself. Like fuck am I being saddled to with a man who makes my life anything but easier/better.

@Newagestage A man that leaves you penniless while he has money does not care about you. Your focus should probably be on whether you can live with that especially as he uses defensiveness to shut you down.

You have sacrificed your earning potential to enable his career.

If you didn’t do what you do, would he be able to earn as much as he does?As he’s the higher earner what would his reaction be to you going full time? Would the extra childcare/cleaner costs make him say it isn’t worth it? If it did then he’s basically under-paying you for what you do. He’d rather have you at home not being paid than pay some the going rate to facilitate his life.

Are your bills all actually split or do you use your smaller spare money to buy things for the DC/days out etc? Do all DC expenses actually come from joint money?