Trigger warning child sexual abuse (sort of)
This is highly identifying so name change etc.
When I was about 11 I went to the 16th (I think it was 16th) birthday party of one of my brother's friends with my family. I knew him quite well as I'd spent a lot of time with my brother and him, they were both autistic at the same specialist school which used to host quite a lot of family events and he and my brother liked to play like D&D style talk through games which I sometimes joined.
Anyway, at the party, he used some pretext to get me to accompany him to his room. He was then very creepy and asked me to show him my pants / take off my pants and wanted to photograph me. I made an excuse that I had promised my parents I would give them one of my sweets (yes really haha), and I was just going to go do that and then I'd definitely come right back. But obviously, I didn't, I hid from him the rest of the party instead. I think he had tried to lift up my skirt and touched me over my pants a very small amount before I basically slithered away from him but altogether, not much happened. My memory on the details is a bit foggy and I have to say I'm not even 100% sure on the ages, though I know that this event definitely happened.
After that party I actually encountered him on many further occasions and he kept asking about "the favour" or some such and trying to get me alone and I kept avoiding him and/or making up flimsy excuses, which were effective. He never got me alone and nothing further ever happened.
I dealt with this entirely by myself and never told anyone in my family. I perceived my mum couldn't handle something like this and didn't want to deal with her reaction. Nor did I want to deprive my brother of one of his only friends. It was another year or so I think and then he and my brother must have finished school, contact ceased, not seen him or heard of him since.
I guess though I found the whole thing unpleasant, frightening and somewhat stressful, but I sort of thought because of his difficulties due to autism (which were not subtle) he didn't know better, or this was a clumsy attempt to act on a crush on me or similar. But then he did clearly know this was a secret thing to be done alone and to be referred to indirectly without other's knowledge - and that's what really worries me.
It's been around 20 years. I've just been thinking - what if he's a paedophile? He's a paedophile right? Even if he's also autistic and quite vulnerable himself. But no crime happened so if I reported it what exactly would happen? He probably does not have the social skills to actually groom / access other children but I just worry what if he somehow does/did and I could have stopped it? Or if he's potentially doing some other crime that harms children such as accessing images of CSA. But equally he may be doing nothing of the sort, living potentially quite a disadvantaged life as someone with autism.
I wish I had made different decisions as a child but the dynamics of my family meant my priority was basically my mum not finding out (long story), and I guess my judgement wasn't the best aged 11!
My recollection of the details is imperfect but I can recall his name and the name of the school he attended but realistically would that be enough to trace him anyway? I would still really struggle with the idea of my parents / brother ever finding out about this.
Is there anyone who works in this area of policing that could advise what would actually come of reporting this?
What would you do?
I guess YABU = forget this
YANBU = report this