I need help approaching this - Sons gf, potential ED?

[NiamhyDoh]

My son is 24, he's been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years. Shes not from the uk but is a student here. She has no relationship with her family at all. She is amazing, she's 22 and one of the bravest most resilient young people I've ever met!
My DS had cancer while he was in sixth form, he was far too unwell to do his a-levels then, but he did them once he was in remission and is now about to start his 3rd year of studying medicine. His girlfriend is going into her 2nd year (did a foundation year before hand) (not Medicine).
They live together in a small studio flat in London, she works 16 hours a week, DS doesn't, but she only has access to the funds she was given from her grandparents (now sadly passed) before coming here to study and luckily a scholarship from her home country covering fees.

Anyway, we love her and so does DS but here is why I'm posting. DS is worried she may have an eating disorder, she's paper thin (even a size 6 can be too big on the waist!) but she is quite tall. DS claims she barely eats but always says she is never hungry. She has social anxiety, only really has 2 friend and DS here. She has also admitted she is quite home sick now but for various reasons it wouldn't be right for her to go back, even to visit.
DS is worried sick and tbh I am too but neither of us know how to approach it or get her help. She's such a truly lovely girl and honestly she brought my DS out of a depression and has given him life back that I hadn't seen in him for so long. She suffered a very traumatic childhood and to be where she is, as smart and as well adjusted as she is to me is a miracle! Much like DS the only reason she is where she is, is her own grit, determination and want for more, I'm so proud of her but I don't know how to help her.

She has panic attacks too and other than work and uni she doesn't do anything without DS. I think she is also exhausted she works in a restaurant 2 8 hour shifts and often picks up another 4 hours where she can (her visa won't let her work more than 20 hours a week). DS is also worried as she hasn't had her period in months and thinks it down to her just not eating enough at all, but still she will say to him that she is fat!
He is at a loss on how to help and terrified and I've never had to deal with anything like this.

AIBU to be worried too? Can anyone give me advice please?

Perhaps the lack of periods might be a starting point. He could suggest making a GP appointment to ask about that - and offer to go with her if she wants. The GP will likely pick up on her weight.

Great that you are both concerned .
Deffo sounds like ED (her comments about being fat )
there is a website (beat ) maybe some good advice on there .All the best !

Hi! I’m a recovered anorexic and lost my period for two years which was the kickstarter to recovery for me as I wanted the option of children down the line. When she mentions her periods, I think highlighting this is a good step. She recognises it’s because she’s not eating enough but it is really because she is too underweight (you need fat to regulate hormones for a period) — so that can counter her point of being too fat. It is possible she doesn’t have an ED and is generally a bit too depressed / busy and overwhelmed to eat enough, but highlighting symptoms that come with an ED such as periods can add some logic to the conversation, and maybe make her open up in turn. It did for me. All the best.

Was anyone else expecting this post to be about erectile dysfunction rather than eating disorders or was that just me? 😆🙈

Try looking on the Beat website very helpful. Good luck.

Me too 🤦🏻‍♀️