To just want to talk?

[Tiredofbeingsad]

My boyfriend shuts me out when he is with his family (separated, kids). I do understand but it’s been nearly 10 days and I just needed to hear his voice / he called me on the way home from his football match \ I got upset and hung up but he wouldn’t answer my call when I tried to call him back. Now it’s festering and it’s 3am.
wouldn’t it be so much easier just to speak?

If you don’t have kids it’s better to date someone else who doesn’t?

wow. Because childless people have to stick together?!

Oh for god sake! No, because as explained in my post, you'll never be a priority and you clearly want to be which is a reasonable desire.

This relationship doesn't make you happy OP. He doesn't prioritize you.

He's maybe still hung up on or even still with the ex?

Honestly go find an available man who will do more than one phone call in 10days

Ignore the cool kids crew on here saying one text message a month is sufficient. You're entitled to proper contact in a relationship.

You sound young, go find someone with less baggage!

The relationship isn’t making you feel secure or loved - understandably, but you’re acting badly as a result. You sound very unhappy and you’re getting cast in the role of needy person/annoyance - in my experience it’s almost impossible to change that dynamic once it’s set.

You won’t change his behaviour: he’s showing you who he is and what you can expect. You can only control your behaviour. Hard as it is I would leave the relationship, bypassing the likely months of arguing and feeling shit that would happen if you stayed, before the inevitable happened anyway.

People saying don’t date people with kids if you don’t have any are just pointing out that you’ll never be the priority, so if you’re not in the same boat it can be really tough - as you’re finding.

Yes, but his, but also, the histrionics are possibly why he hasn’t introduced her to his children. It may be that he’s not sure this relationship will last.

Because dating someone with kids inevitably means taking on their baggage. It doesn't sound like this relationship makes you happy.

Histrionics? I have hung up on him once - I’m not sure that makes me unhinged!

I’ve never suggested it makes you in any way ‘unhinged’, but hanging up on someone you’ve been begging to call you because they say they can’t talk for as long as you like, and later messaging to apologise, isn’t the behaviour of two people in a healthy, egalitarian relationship with a firm future. He’s certainly not happy with it, given his reply. Therefore, I imagine he’s not letting you meet his children because he’s not sure the relationship has legs. And tbh, it doesn’t look to me as if it does. You’re not happy, he’s not happy.

Hanging up on someone isn't normal. I've only done it once in a major disagreement. But it happens.

It is easier to date someone with children if you don't, that is true. Their energy is taken up with the kids when they are with them. Fully adult kids is slightly different. Also men can be intensely private about their love lives, I guess out of fear of it not working out.

It switches though with adult kids. I can barely speak to my dad now because he's with the dog or his partner is making lunch or dinner.

Telling you that he can't deal with this stuff though is harsh, how do you come back from a comment like that?

I am guessing a “tricky situation” might be that the OP is roughly the same age as his kids. She certainly does not sound like an adult from the whole getting upset and hanging up situation.

Sounds like he's basically checked out of the relationship. You sound like you're clinging onto it

Nope - we are both about the same age. I know that you are going to say thats even more childish and I agree - but it just was the heat of the moment. I have never hung up on anyone before.

Anything this out of place should be replaced. Get a different man 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like this, never spends time with you or even contacts you on holidays. Is happy to go so long without speaking to you and it makes you feel upset. This isn't a very healthy relationship.

It sounds like he is still with his wife. Are you sure he is ' separated'? Long periods of time not speaking during the holidays, 5 minute phone calls, him living with a teenager you've never met? Sounds like either you are a mistress or a fling he had during a trial separation, and he's had enough, because to you you are in a relationship and to him you are a casual fling who is demanding too much attention . A man who is separated with adult children doesn't need to be involved with his ex above finance/school chat, and doesn't need to spend 24 hours a day throughout the holidays with a 17 year old and 2 adult children.

Actually, I'll only date people with kids themselves (I've learned the hard way!). However, I wouldn't be at all comfortable in the situation you describe, with him spending time with his older kids and ex to the point he can't even phone you? And have you talked at all about you meeting them?