Advice on what to do when a spider lands in your hoodie

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I am not an arachnophobe, however my guest is..... this is their advice based on what I just did.

Do NOT say "Oh, I think something just fell into my hood"

Do NOT say "Oh! Its a spider!"

Do NOT say "Ooh thats a big bugger"

Do NOT put your hood up in order to grab said spider within the hood.

Do NOT then proceed to hold the hoodie enrobed spider in your hand whilst removing the hoodie.

Do NOT shake out hoodie in the garden.

DO call 999 to ask the fire service to attend

DO set your house on fire.

Thats was an interesting (and quite screamy) 5 minutes in my house!

You didn’t mention screaming and ripping off hoodie before using the flamethrower on it. And afterwards you need to run the lawnmower over the ashes. Perhaps some napalm too, just in case.

WTH is wrong with you. Do you want to get bit by a spider? Do you like poisonous bites or necrotizing flesh?

You also need to get every stitch of clothing off in case there are more spiders, whilst running towards the shower and shaking your hair out like a madwoman. Naked, running, hair shaking. Then you scrub the dickens out of everything. If you can get your partner to burn down the house whilst you towel off, that's most efficient.

A big fucking spider landed on my shoulder once. I had friends round for a bbq and they all stared at me in stunned silence while I screamed and breakdanced round the garden trying to get rid of it. Obviously they didn't know a big fucking spider had landed on my shoulder.

@NeverMindTheBackProblems Screamed and breakdanced around the garden 🤣 is so relatable.

Probably more entertaining than the Olympic breakdancing to be fair