To chicken out.

[Livingtothefull]

I will explain that I have an adult DS who has severe learning difficulties and is in a wheelchair. It has been drummed into me (& perhaps I have drummed it into myself) that I should be my DS's best advocate and stand up for his rights, vociferously if possible. I am not an assertive person - by nature v easy going - but I do try & am getting better; even though it means getting into rows that are unpleasant (and occasionally, threatening).

This weekend I was out with DS for the evening, we had a really good time and then got on the bus home. To be greeted by a familiar sight - an empty pushchair in the wheelchair space, the parents in a seat with their child on a lap. No offer to move the pushchair, we got on as well as we could but with DS wheelchair fitting in the space as best as we could manage, not right facing back where he should have been.

Now what I 'should' have done is ask/demand that they move the pushchair so DS could be properly in the space. But we had had a great evening, were happy & mellow and the last thing I wanted to do was risk having a row which would have spoiled our evening and upset DS (has happened before). So we let it go.

Now I feel terrible, as if I have let DS down by not standing up for him this time. But I just feel now that I don't want to fight this battle all the time - sometimes I want to just go about my business and not feel I have to constantly fight my corner.

I want people to just know that being in the wheelchair space is inappropriate. I want people to be too ashamed of the very thought of taking up disabled people's space, to consider it. I want bus drivers to be the ones to insist on the space for DS - just a recorded announcement to clear out of the space would be better than nothing. I want appropriating space meant for the disabled to be considered as an offence, actually. I don't want the onus to be only on me to ensure DS space is respected.

I don’t see this as you “chickening out”. I see that you had a good evening out and that you didn’t want to spoil it by having any sort of altercation with the ignorant people in the wheelchair space. At the end of the day, you did manage to get on the bus.
Sometimes you have to let the small stuff go. I’m also the mother of a wheelchair user, so I feel your pain and agree with you re’ fighting their corner. I’ve grown a thick skin over the last 30 years but sometimes you just feel a little worn down by it all. ❤️

You're doing a good job OP.

If the person saw you getting on and didn't bother to move the pushchair out of your way then it was almost guaranteed that had you said anything. it would have caused an argument. You were right, it wasn't worth it.

It's a real shame that there are so many angry, rude, entitled, selfish twats everywhere.

Thank you very much both, really appreciate your support.

Yes I do sense that anyone who is selfish and entitled enough to sit tight in the wheelchair space when a wheelchair user gets on, is unlikely to respond positively to a request to move. In my experience, they don't react well....at best they will grudgingly shuffle up a little.

We managed to get DS on the bus yes, although in retrospect I am not sure he was entirely safe though....he was meant to be placed behind the barrier next to the wheelchair space facing back, but the empty pram was there. But if he wasn't safe, was it not up to the driver to ensure he was?

I wanted to just have a nice evening, like everyone else, and not have to end it with a battle - have had far more incidents over the years than I can ever count. It is only afterwards I have fretted about it & feel that I have let DS down.

Yes it is so easy to feel worn down @Funderthighs , having to fight the same battles over and over again. It really shouldn't be this way & I really don't feel we should be having to fight this alone any more. When people don't concede the wheelchair space they may directly be putting the disabled person at risk. It would be nice to think that one day they would be looked down on by everyone and their selfishness seen as anti-social and beyond the pale.

I’m sorry this happened and it’s shit that no one recognised the need to move.

On the broader point you are right that you do need to advocate for your son but on this occasion I think you made the right call.

You had a nice day without unnecessary drama. Your son wasn’t disadvantaged and all was well. Sometimes it’s about picking your battles.