Grandma spoiling DS

[Worriedmamma19]

Whenever we are in shops Grandma buys DS something normally small rubbish that gets forgotten about or breaks. I’ve asked this to not be done as DS expects something in every shop I go in which results in meltdowns and is really stressful when I have to get shopping done in multiple shops.
grandma says she doesn’t see him often so wants to get him stuff while she can( sees him several days every week) also she doesn’t like to drive so I take her out so can’t avoid being in the shops with her.
When I say no to something DS asks for in a shop he goes to grandma and asks who either buys it, or says no mummy won’t let me get it. AIBU to think she should back me up and say I agree with mummy you don’t need it??
She gives me silent treatment when I talk to her about not buying stuff constantly.
I thought it was a reasonable request now I’m doubting myself. But I’m worried as DS is becoming spoilt.

Raise your kids spoil your grandkids spoil your kids your going to be raising your grandkids.
Sounds like she`s just being a gran life is short to moan over this.
Some on MN wish they had gran for their kids like this.
let her spoil him.

Just let Ds know that they are granny treats. My granny did the same for me as a kid , she said it made her happy . I loved her unconditionally and miss her so much and it had nothing to do with treats . My Ds does not have a granny and I so wish he did . My gran would have loved him to bits . Give your mum the joy.

Can you not come up with a happy medium OP? For example could you explain to your DM that you totally understand that as a grandparent she wants to spoil your son, but could she perhaps cut it down from say 4 times a week to 2, and then on the other 2, she tells your son that she doesn't have enough money to treat him every time. That way, he will learn that he can't always have everything, but that Granny will get him something when she can. My child had two sets of grandparents, one set who had loads of money and could therefore treat her loads, and the other set who were very hard up, but showed love by spending time playing with her, doing baking, and stuff like that. Which did she prefer? The ones who spent their time talking and playing with her. So maybe you could put that to your DM as well.

Is this DM or DMIL?

If MIL..... ask your partner to speak to her

If she won't stop buying, just tell DS that Grannie has lots more money than Mum and Dad so she can afford treats, but you can't

Tell her to limit it to once a week especially if she's buying cheap plastic tat several times a week.
Or just don't take her out.

Yeah I saw that quote on Instagram recently!

My gran once told me her only regret in life was my mum was very spoiled. Guess who raised me 🙄

Honestly children can distinguish that granny buys them a toy when they are out or that they always get a chocolate biscuit at granny’s house but not at home.

I do see plenty of people who get really worked up about this, but as someone who’s kids lost one GM young and the other wants to be involved but can’t much due to distance, it really doesn’t need to be that huge of a deal.

Personally I just feel it’s your job as the parent to do the parenting and the disciplining, GPs are just there for the bond.

It’s like the bluey quite “the only rule at grandma’s is that you get whatever you want!” Annoying at times for the parent, but in the grand scheme of things really not that big of a deal.

How old? My kids (and I think most) differentiate between parents and grandparents doing things for them. (I pretty much never buy my kids toys. I always say to put it on the birthday or Xmas list.) If grandma did buy them something and they then asked me for something I just say, "Well, we don't have the money for it right now. Ask grandma next time you see her." Same with ice cream -- the grandparents have all the ice cream. The kids seem to be okay with that. I now just accept the cheap plastic junk and donate it or throw it away after a week when no one's looking. Bad for the environment but I figure I didn't buy it and it's not staying in my house.

This would drive me mad. Entitled grandma syndrome! My mother is like it- always trying to be the first to do xyz with mine to take the experience from me and so she can say she was first he waved to, clapped to, etc. She constantly tries to undermine me with food, trying to bribe him with crap despite me being clear about what he can and can’t have. Being a grandma does not give you a right to ignore the parents’ wishes. Say to her that you’ll take her to the shops but only if she does undermine your parenting, that DS is becoming spoilt and bratty because of this and you need her to say “no, you don’t need any more toys”. If she can’t do that then don’t take her.

My nans way in her 90s and still buys me sweets I'm all most 40. she has 16 grandkids 11 great grandkids and 3 great great grandkids.
And spoils us all not with lavish goods or expensive things just random stuff.
Books sweets teddies mags.
Wool all cheap stuff but it's the bond she as with us.
We never ask her for anything she just gets it.
It used to piss my mum off but as the years went on she saw how much she loved her family.
She's old and frail now but still being a cool nan.
She will be extremely missed when the time comes.

Firstly it's a Grandparents job to spoil the grandkids, my parents do it all the time, as did my grandparents.

Secondly it's your job to teach your son the difference between Grandma treats and parent treats.

My kids understood from 2/3 the difference between them because I taught them the difference. It's easy to do, when you say no so he asks Grandma you say I've already told him no if you want to get it him that is fine but he doesn't get to play with it until he's earned it.

If she is willing to say “no mummy won’t let me get it.” I would work with that and get her to do it consistently.

Follow up with that’s right. “You don’t need it and it’s bad value” or whatever

my Dd is 2.5 but already knows when mummy says it’s not happening. It is not happening.
Don’t get me wrong she doesn’t always like it… but she’s getting it.

i sat my mum down and what a conversation about tat.
i explained the future is going to be pretty bleak economically speaking and if she loves her grandchildren she is doing more to help them and love them by putting £10 pm into a child pension vs buying plastic crap.
ditto crap snacks - bring fruit or something instead. It was a hard convo but 🤷🏻‍♀️

it seemed to have some impact… she buying way less junk…and puts £50pm into her JISA

she also brings fruit, crazy amounts of fruit!!!! 😅
sometimes regular stuff but often fun fruit for my Dd which she loves and they sample it together. it’s really cute

Buying him things isnt necessarily spoiling him but allowing him to overstep the mark, him using controlling behaviour etc is.