TW - mentions narcissism, abuse, gaslighting, trauma bond, manipulation, abortion, harassment.
What would you have done??
Me and my narcissistic baby dad broke up last year when I fell pregnant. He left me. During my pregnancy he was emotionally and mentally abusive and I found out that him and my best friend at work were having a secret relationship behind my back (all 3 of us worked together) for about 6 month of my pregnancy.
I was confiding in her about his abuses and she was reporting information back to him. When I found out about them to, I was so angry that I exposed them at work. Everyone there was in shock and pretty disgusted.
Then I messaged his ex girlfriend before me, who he cheated on with me (I didn't know about her until about 4 months in, after they broke up - I still stayed because I was already trauma bonded). I messaged her because I wanted to know if he had also treated her like he treated me, to see if he really was abusive or if it was my mind playing games on itself, or if I was the problem. She was happy to discuss with me how their relationship was, and basically everything she told me is the total opposite of what he had said. It was her who had left him (not the other way round), and he had been messaging her and harassing her our entire relationship trying to win her back after he found out that she moved on and was expecting a baby with her new man. He told her to abort her baby and be with him, and he also told me to abort our baby so he could be with her 🤢
When our son was born, she found out, he told her that I was a one night stand that he got pregnant recklessly to spite her and that he hadn't been with anyone else since they split. Even though we had been together for almost 2 years, and at this point he was in a secret relationship with my 'friend'.
During this time I also got a message from an old friend asking if we were still together because she saw him on Hinge.
After learning this information, my 'friend' called me to ask if me and him were back together. I told her no, but he had been messaging his ex and was on Hinge. I sent her the screenshots of the things he had been saying to his ex. She then dumped him.
Long story short, I outed him to his ex (unintentionally), and outed him to my 'friend' that he was seeing, and all 3 of us basically confronted him on his web of lies he spun all of us. Everyone at work now also know what hes like. They never believed me about him, they assumed I was just the crazy ex.
I feel quite ashamed of stirring the pot, as it wasn't really my business, but actually it has done all of us a favour as we all now know the truth, and he had to face the consequences of his actions (he obviously downplayed, denied, bent the truth etc. anything to avoid actually taking accountability).
I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance, or maybe someone to tell me that I was wrong for doing that. He, gaslighted me so hard and it's made me feel like I am the problem, when actually it was them two that did me dirty.
I even comforted my 'friend' when she opened up to me about the abuse she suffered by him too, despite her betrayal, because I know how awful it is and how manipulative he can be. I have since cut her off because I just cannot move past it. I can't cut him off, because he is my sons father and they have a good relationship. I still feel like I need his validation.
I'm struggling to be able to move on, because I feel like everything he has done/is doing is my fault, and that I have 'lost' him, when really I should have left at the first red flag (learning that he was cheating on his ex with me)
That's scratching the surface on the things he has done. But the first time I really lost it and exposed him.
Does anyone have any advice or can signpost me to any groups/workshops that could help me move past this?
I worry I may be co dependent.
TIA!
x