I need reassuring that keeping my son from my narc, abusive ex is the right thing to do? I'm totally torn.

[Questionqueen]

Me again needing reassurance or just advice really.

My ex has 2 older children that have only just started taking to him again after a year for one and almost a year for the second. Contact stopped when I was pregnant with our son.
So when pregnant my ex did numerous things give me a black eye threw hospital bag out into the rain in a puddle and threw my phone with it recorded me crying on the floor because of the abuse he put me through, locked me out and had me trying to get in the house smashed my work laptop up smashed my phone up mocked my dying nana told me I was worthless etc. threw plates and pots that shattered all over the floor and house and demanded I cleaned it up. He did so much to me pregnant and after pregnancy he even forced mr to have sex every night I couldn't say no otherwise he would bully me for 3 days Steiger smashed my car up in front of the kids the stress he put me through it is a miracle my pregnancy lasted but it did thankfully and so my beautiful son is born. My ex is absolutely no good for him. He wants him purely for photos to put on Facebook that is it. He's awful he doesn't provide for him really, he doesn't ask about him or about seeing him I offered my ex to see his son once a week with 2 hours meet up in a public place and I could monitor how my son was being treated. He said no because he wasn't in control. Reason for fully cutting contact is because I realised how dangerous he was and he threatened to get my child taken off me because of mental health issues I have now healed from. But of course I have new ones from his abuse.
He has saw his ass for not being allowed to see his son. He has now also recently got talking to his other 2kids again. Am I in the wrong?

Sorry forgot to add I'm now safe with DC at my mum and dads and we're away from this toxic bastard

I'd block all contact and relocate and never let him set eyes on him.

Agree sooo much. My worry is, when my son grows up would he agree I did the right thing cutting his and his dad's relationship off ?

If my Mum had been subjected to that I wouldn't want anything to do with the piece of shit. Well done for getting away from him.

Stay away it’s definitely best for your child and obviously for you. Is he on the birth certificate and have you had legal advice to take keep him away, may be best.

He is on BC but he would never go to court as he would get laughed out with his criminal record. This is the only thing that is saving me right now

You are absolutely doing the right thing. The ex not speaking to his other kids for years at a time proves what sort of future he would have, abusive nightmare of a fella coming in and out would be much worse for him. Your mum and dad can be good extra adults/role models for him instead. Sending much strength and solidarity.

I have no doubt my brothers and dad would be great role models for him thankfully. I just didn't want to take a dad away from a son unless I knew what I was doing was correct. I was thinking to report acts to SS for further advice and for my son for when he is older to know that his dad wasn't secure to be around him x

was thinking to report acts to SS for further advice and for my son for when he is older to know that his dad wasn't secure to be around him

Do report him as it'll help you if he does try to get access.
Only tell your son the whole truth once he's an adult and if he really wants to know.

This x 1000

Well I am glad you guys agree with me and have helped put any doubt to bed. He's a master manipulator and just does have any lines he wouldn't cross. I am in talks with Woman's aid for support and I think little by little I'll be able to open up more and more about this eventually maybe able to report it and make sure it's on his file so that anyone who needs to do Claire's law can see he is this way.

I didn't. I wish I had at least tried.

You are doing the right thing! 100% make sure everything is on record. Sending love and support! Sounds like you have got it all in order. Stay strong x

Tried what sorry? Xx

Thank you guys. It shows how quickly your strength to fight back can come back but the long lasting effects of abuse are massive.

Update - he's now just demanded to see my son and accused me of keeping him from him. He says he is gossiping with me with a bunch on teenagers (he is 44) and said he's going to tell my son how much of a slag I am and then still expects to see my son.... oh gosh.

If you feel safe doing this this would help future women get safe from him.

You are doing the right thing fleeing him.

Think carefully about how to explain this to your child. I think you could say that you used to have a boyfriend who helped make you so he's your father but he stopped being your boyfriend as he wasn't safe and was doing unsafe things, and it wasn't safe for you to live with him.

Have you filed for maintenance? Sometimes that can start them wanting contact and parental responsibility so think carefully. He will easily get parental responsibility if he applies for it even though he is your rapist unfortunately.

Don't respond to any of that just put in your evidence bank.
Read a book called 'how to annihilate a narcissist in the family court'

Hi OP, so sorry you have been through such a traumatic time. I would keep him away from your son if you can. Your job is to keep your son safe. What would happen if he 'asked to see Daddy' as a little boy and then his Dad really hurt him? A child doesn't have the capacity to assess the safety of a relationship with an abusive parent.
You're a great mum, you obviously want to do what's best for your child. 🫂💜

Just make sure your son knows his dad was abusive and why he doesn't see him- obviously in an age appropriate way with more details as he gets older. You don't want his father sweeping in when your son is a teenager with some tale about there being no reason for lack of contact other than your dislike or whatever. I don't believe children should be brought up with some idealised view of abusive parents.