Page 4 | AIBU that Giles Coren’s back to school tips column that includes “minor sexual abuse” is not funny?

Original poster

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 14:45

@peeweemermaid

You will be pleased to hear that I actually do find this extract from an article Giles wrote about shagging his family’s sofa quite funny! 😆

In a since-deleted Esquire article from 20161, Giles Coren went into explicit and excessive detail about his teenage passion for fucking a hole in his family’s sofa. Of course, his relatives then had to sit on the results:

I fucked that thing like crazy for the whole of one long summer afternoon, until it was so full of splosh it could have given birth to a whole shopful of half-human seating solutions. And then all I had to do was turn it round so that the hole didn't face out into the room and nobody would ever know. Except — oh, fuck! — the back of the cushion was lined with canvas. It was a one-way cushion. I had no option but to lay it back the way I had found it and hope for the best.
That evening, when the family gathered in the telly room after supper to watch Dallas, I was naturally relieved when nobody sat back directly onto my special friend and got a tell-tale spaff-tattoo on the back of their shirt.

That spunk-stuffed sofa is a passable metaphor for Coren’s entire career. He has been “fucking that thing” for over 30 years, the rest of us forced to share the room with his bitter emanations and the juvenile pride he has at producing them.

OP posts:

BlusteryLake · 02/09/2024 14:48

Giles Coren is a thumping bellend whose "jokes" are apparently misunderstood. Funny that every single one is "misunderstood" and he has made no attempt to improve his communication style.

peeweemermaid · 02/09/2024 14:48

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 14:45

@peeweemermaid

You will be pleased to hear that I actually do find this extract from an article Giles wrote about shagging his family’s sofa quite funny! 😆

In a since-deleted Esquire article from 20161, Giles Coren went into explicit and excessive detail about his teenage passion for fucking a hole in his family’s sofa. Of course, his relatives then had to sit on the results:

I fucked that thing like crazy for the whole of one long summer afternoon, until it was so full of splosh it could have given birth to a whole shopful of half-human seating solutions. And then all I had to do was turn it round so that the hole didn't face out into the room and nobody would ever know. Except — oh, fuck! — the back of the cushion was lined with canvas. It was a one-way cushion. I had no option but to lay it back the way I had found it and hope for the best.
That evening, when the family gathered in the telly room after supper to watch Dallas, I was naturally relieved when nobody sat back directly onto my special friend and got a tell-tale spaff-tattoo on the back of their shirt.

That spunk-stuffed sofa is a passable metaphor for Coren’s entire career. He has been “fucking that thing” for over 30 years, the rest of us forced to share the room with his bitter emanations and the juvenile pride he has at producing them.

Edited

Not really forced though are you......what about this brilliant suggestion stop reading GC and then sure your blood pressure will return to normal.

SiobhanSharpe · 02/09/2024 14:49

Wetherspoons · 02/09/2024 14:41

He joins the particular celebrity band of British posh attention seekers including Kirsty Allsopp

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He's nowhere near as posh as Kirsty Allsop whose father is a lord of some sort. Giles' dad Alan was a funny, talented writer and and radio personality. But not particularly posh.
A better writer than his son, though.

TartanPaper · 02/09/2024 14:51

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 14:45

@peeweemermaid

You will be pleased to hear that I actually do find this extract from an article Giles wrote about shagging his family’s sofa quite funny! 😆

In a since-deleted Esquire article from 20161, Giles Coren went into explicit and excessive detail about his teenage passion for fucking a hole in his family’s sofa. Of course, his relatives then had to sit on the results:

I fucked that thing like crazy for the whole of one long summer afternoon, until it was so full of splosh it could have given birth to a whole shopful of half-human seating solutions. And then all I had to do was turn it round so that the hole didn't face out into the room and nobody would ever know. Except — oh, fuck! — the back of the cushion was lined with canvas. It was a one-way cushion. I had no option but to lay it back the way I had found it and hope for the best.
That evening, when the family gathered in the telly room after supper to watch Dallas, I was naturally relieved when nobody sat back directly onto my special friend and got a tell-tale spaff-tattoo on the back of their shirt.

That spunk-stuffed sofa is a passable metaphor for Coren’s entire career. He has been “fucking that thing” for over 30 years, the rest of us forced to share the room with his bitter emanations and the juvenile pride he has at producing them.

Edited

Oh I totally disagree, I read that article and felt so unwell, it’s so vile. And when he said his holiday with his toddler was sexy.

He’s so fucking vile. I won’t click on his stuff because the more you click the more work and money he gets.

Doggymummar · 02/09/2024 14:53

I don't think it was meant to be humerous, but I've not read the whole article because the Times is not my politics. It seems to me to say trust your gut feeling and keep safe.

Original poster

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 14:57

@peeweemermaid “Not really forced though are you”???

I am enjoying Googling Giles’s plethora of online ejaculations and they don’t raise my blood pressure at all. The self induced terminal decline in his media career is also making me chuckle.

Giles seems as though he might have some sort of problem which means that he can’t control himself on social media. And also an obsession with pedophiles and child rape.

AIBU that Giles Coren’s back to school tips column that includes “minor sexual abuse” is not funny?

OP posts:

sonjadog · 02/09/2024 14:58

ODFOx · 02/09/2024 13:59

I think he's funny, but this is quite a thought provoking piece really.

Just because a teacher is a good teacher and you like them doesn't mean that you should ignore any time they make you feel uncomfortable.
For his generation they did little but gossip about such things and then be relieved to hear later that something had been done. His hope is that his DC 's generation are more upfront and indeed his DC are already seeing teachers removed from the profession on a 'weight of evidence' approach rather than waiting for something really horrendous to happen.
Isn't that the reason cited by so many? 'being made uncomfortable or just being touched inappropriately didn't seem enough to complain about and it could have been an accident or misunderstanding and no one wants someone to lose their job over a misunderstanding' : but when the first person stands up all the others do too and that's when it comes to light that much worse things were in fact going on.
I think what Giles is saying, albeit wrapped in his trademark hyperbole, is that he'll be telling his son that the nicest teachers can still be paedophiles and it is never OK; if something seems off you should trust your gut; make space, tell someone who can do something, not just your schoolmates.

Yes, this is how I read it too. I think it is thought provoking too. I don't think it is trying to make fun or minimize it, on the contrary I think he is making the point that it shouldn't be minimized and any suggestion should be taken seriously.

I don't know this writer at all, btw, as I live in a different country and don't read this newspaper. So he might be the biggest arsehole that lived, but I know nothing about him outside of this piece.

samarrange · 02/09/2024 15:02

What is it about "edgy" middle-aged male commentators and sex in schools? https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/a-teenage-girl-a-maths-teacher-and-a-righteous-tabloid-fury/ (paywalled; full text here https://www.reddit.com/r/GreenAndPleasant/comments/kdrgdf/full_text_of_the_rod_liddle_column/)

Edit: Damn, forgot to make the image "Sensitive" and now can't change it.

OneTC · 02/09/2024 15:03

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 14:57

@peeweemermaid “Not really forced though are you”???

I am enjoying Googling Giles’s plethora of online ejaculations and they don’t raise my blood pressure at all. The self induced terminal decline in his media career is also making me chuckle.

Giles seems as though he might have some sort of problem which means that he can’t control himself on social media. And also an obsession with pedophiles and child rape.

Maybe it's got something to do with being nonced as a kid

NewFriendlyLadybird · 02/09/2024 15:06

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 13:08

I finally caught up on the weekend papers and Giles Coren wrote a pretty standard (fairly dull) back to school tips listicle column in the Times that was directed at his son who is starting a new secondary school. However, the idea that “minor sexual offenses” committed by teachers within schools are “just a fact of life” is totally wrong. The fact that the teacher who “taught me how to write” also “touched me in unwelcome ways” seems to insinuate that as long as they are a good teacher a bit of light pedophilia isn’t “necessarily anything to be afraid of”. It reminds me of the plot of The History Boys play in which pedophilia is also treated as fairly innocuous/a bit of a joke and something to be tolerated if the teacher is otherwise inspiring and will secure you a place at Oxford. My cousin was abused by a fencing tutor at his Catholic boarding school and although Giles Coren would probably consider it to be “minor” sexual abuse since no penetration ever occurred I think it completely ruined his teenage years and much of his 20s and arguably he is still negatively affected by it.

I don’t much like Giles Coren but I think you have entirely misread this, as you have misread The History Boys.

He’s saying trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to complain. Don’t be afraid that you’ll be ignored for reporting ‘quite minor’ offences and that they are going to be swept under the carpet. People can and do get prosecuted for them.

MrsWhattery · 02/09/2024 15:06

Ugh I'm starting to think his hard drive really does needs checking! There's a tendency to think "oh he jokes about this stuff, it's not real, he wouldn't mention it if it was" but actually repeatedly bringing up paedophilic topics may just mean that's where his head is at and he's not even trying to hide it. It kind of reminds me of a pervert in my family who was always joking about and making light of CSA. Turns out he was guess what, an active paedophile.

At the very least it's hideously insensitive to those who have suffered CSA. He's always made me shudder with his sofa shagging and deep misogyny but now I feel more like he's in proper creep territory.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 02/09/2024 15:06

He’s a fecking knob. Wonder how he’d respond if one of his children came home talking of ‘minor sexual abuse’. Irresponsible tosser. Still riding on Daddy Coren’s coat tails which is the only reason he’s got the connections he has.

Underdogfun · 02/09/2024 15:07

Zonder · 02/09/2024 13:09

Giles Coren is an arse. Why he gets any column space anywhere beats me.

Write a complaint to the paper.

Similar to BBC …

LeFromage · 02/09/2024 15:08

He is very creepy on the topic of CSA - I came on here to post about the weird column he wrote about his daughter on holiday but can see you’ve already added OP - YANBU it’s all a bit “nothing to see here morality police” - wouldn’t be letting him babysit my DC

MrsWhattery · 02/09/2024 15:09

For me it's not even about what he's technically trying to say in this piece - I'm more creeped out by the way he can't leave this subject alone. Ugh

Original poster

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 15:10

Underdogfun · 02/09/2024 15:07

Similar to BBC …

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As a richly deserved consequence of his behaviour, Giles Coren does at least seem to have lost all his BBC work and isn’t on TV anymore.

OP posts:

PandoraSox · 02/09/2024 15:10

Underdogfun · 02/09/2024 15:07

Similar to BBC …

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BBC already got rid of him I think.

NancyJoan · 02/09/2024 15:13

Having just had my inset day safeguarding and low-level concern training, I would say he is delivering much the same message that I have just received.

Namely:
If there is something about the way a teacher treats you or speaks to you/about other people that feels off, tell someone
If a teacher has favourites, or a maverick approach to the school rules, and that makes you feel uncomfortable tell someone
If a teacher is popular with other kids, or staff, or parents, you can still tell someone

Martiniolives · 02/09/2024 15:16

It isn't anything to joke about no. But I read it as 'if they seem weird, if there's rumours and chants... chances are they are indeed a pedo'

And I have to agree. The teacher in my secondary who never sat right with me and let certain girls hang out in his room at lunch and had rumours, nicknames etc. served 3 years in prison for grooming and assaulting a girl of 14. So... i dont know. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck etc...

But he hasn't written it or gone about it very well I'll give you that. Giles Coren is a right dick

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/09/2024 15:16

PTSDBarbiegirl · 02/09/2024 15:06

He’s a fecking knob. Wonder how he’d respond if one of his children came home talking of ‘minor sexual abuse’. Irresponsible tosser. Still riding on Daddy Coren’s coat tails which is the only reason he’s got the connections he has.

If he gave a shit about his children he wouldn't humiliate them for money and call it "journalism".

Original poster

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 15:19

NancyJoan · 02/09/2024 15:13

Having just had my inset day safeguarding and low-level concern training, I would say he is delivering much the same message that I have just received.

Namely:
If there is something about the way a teacher treats you or speaks to you/about other people that feels off, tell someone
If a teacher has favourites, or a maverick approach to the school rules, and that makes you feel uncomfortable tell someone
If a teacher is popular with other kids, or staff, or parents, you can still tell someone

But at no point in the article does it say go and tell someone of your suspicions, which are probably true. Rather, it says that minor sexual abuse in schools is “nothing to be afraid of” and “one of the facts of life”.

OP posts:

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/09/2024 15:26

Vikina · 02/09/2024 14:29

He certainly is. I miss Alan Coren, he was a great writer.

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Me too. He was genuinely funny.

Lookingforward01 · 02/09/2024 15:27

TulipRevolutionary · 02/09/2024 13:20

I think the part where he says “it’s not necessarily a problem” is extremely problematic. Any sort of sexual abuse or minor touching is a problem and should be immediately reported. Coren is also using himself being the subject of “unwelcome touching” but being a successful journalist as an example of why it wasn’t a problem for him. It definitely was a problem for my cousin.

Edited

You've completely misinterpreted the text.

CormorantStrikesBack · 02/09/2024 15:28

MrsWhattery · 02/09/2024 15:06

Ugh I'm starting to think his hard drive really does needs checking! There's a tendency to think "oh he jokes about this stuff, it's not real, he wouldn't mention it if it was" but actually repeatedly bringing up paedophilic topics may just mean that's where his head is at and he's not even trying to hide it. It kind of reminds me of a pervert in my family who was always joking about and making light of CSA. Turns out he was guess what, an active paedophile.

At the very least it's hideously insensitive to those who have suffered CSA. He's always made me shudder with his sofa shagging and deep misogyny but now I feel more like he's in proper creep territory.

I was actually thinking this. To paraphrase his own article…..maybe the one that people joke about, saying he’s a bit of a creep, a bit odd…..maybe there’s something in it.