To actually feel like I’m losing my mind…

[Mindscramble]

NC

Been with DP for 3 years, he has SD (5) 2 night a week, I have teen DD, we live together.

His ex has never ‘approved’ of our relationship and I has done all manner of things to be disruptive. Incessant texting, turning DP’s only family against me first then him with lies. More recently she commenced court action for a child arrangement order even though DP has his daughter never fails to see her and she loves her time with us.

She has consistently refused to acknowledge me or my DD in SD life in any way. She has used personal information about my DD’s health condition to spread lies, even reporting us to SS! She tells SD we are not family, she shouldn’t love us etc it’s a mess. She works in town and has refused to serve my DD, and actively pulls SD away from my DD or us if we see them out. She then denies all knowledge when challenged.

At the start I was strong about it, I don’t have anything to worry about in respect of all the allegations etc but more recently it’s wearing on me, really hard.

DP and I were going to try for a baby, in fact we started to try, the stress of it all of the issues with ex got to me (probably hormones) and I mentioned whether it was a good idea. DP was a bit upset initially and then later said ‘yeah probably best as Iv got all this with my other DD’. WTF?

I now can’t shake the mess of all of this. The fact that this court case is ongoing as well as all the crap in between, my DD has been bought in to all of this in several ways, and now I am going to lose the opportunity to have another baby because of all this mess!

AIBU to just fuck it all off to be honest/ or have a nervous breakdown 😂 which is likely to happen anyway!

If you want a baby then have one. Why don't you get married?

Unfortunately, this kind of potentially complex, messy, and at worst unpleasant interaction with another family is what blending families leaves you open to. If this situation is genuinely unbearable for you, if it's having a negative impact on your own daughter, and it's going to restrict your life in major ways, then I think you should think very carefully about whether you want to continue in this relationship.

How much of a negative impact is this having currently on your teenage daughter? Would she be objectively better off if you left your boyfriend?

I’m a bit puzzled what “got all this with my other DD” means to be honest, is there a third child involved somewhere? Apologies if I have misinterpreted.

I assume he just means his existing five year old daughter? That he's not up for another baby because there's so much stress involved with his existing child?

Yes, he means that there is too much stress around his DD currently.

If this relationship is stressing you out so much that it’s affecting your DD and you feel close to a mental breakdown, you should probably walk away for your own wellbeing.

My DD has a full, busy life, with friends. See’s her dad and his family etc and she loves SDD, but it does wear on her. And she felt so hurt when she found out, that allegations had been made about her by the ex 😔

More recently she commenced court action for a child arrangement order

What is the ex asking for in the CAO?
The courts are keen for parents to sort things out via mediation so maybe it won't actually get to court. Though in cases where co-parenting is not working well a CAO can formalise things which can make things smoother.