am i being unreasonable

[peachbaby]

in being pissed off at my parents for shovelling as many sweets as they can into my ds and dd when they go to stay even bloody jelly tots and chocolate before breakfast FFS. they live close by so the children see a lot of them. I have repeatedly asked them not to do this but they wont stop.

My mumdoes this - the really sticky, opal fruit type ones, she'd leave bowls of them about. Luckily she doesn't see my dc often. There isn't much you can do, other than tell her you've had to take dc to the dentist, they might need fillings because of the sweets. Don't blame her, but she might get the message if it's not you moaning, but the dentist. My mum used to say it's not the sweets, it's the brushing technique, and my sister's dc had real probs, with thin enamel etc.

She doesn't do it so much now.

Yanbu Just refuse to let your children go to their house before breakfast

YANBU, could you get your parents to babysit for a day/weekend when your children have been totally overdosed on sugar - it might explain to them why you don't like it!

Maybe it's a bit extreme but it would really annoy me if it were my parents, I'd refuse to let them see them until they quit giving them sweets, afterall, their teeth and health are my priority and the last thing I want is them having fillings and toothache and extractions. I'd feel terrible if they did and the ban wouldn't be forever, just until they got the message. I think it's very wrong of them not to respect your wishes and IMO i'd do whatever necessary to drive home the message. I'm sure a lot of MNers would disagree with my method though.

im actually pretty sure it has affected my ds s teeth already she has 2 fillings and is only 6. have mentioned this to parents but like your mother Sparkybabe, my dad too said it doesnt matter as long as they brush at night which i think is crap and really winds me up.

they stayed the night with my parents the other day and came back with reports of sherbert before breakfast this time plus about 5 other packets of sweets during the day. i lost it a bit and sent an email (i didnt trust myself to speak) saying pretty much what you suggested Ellideb. i also said as much to my DD who promptly burst into floods of tears and made me feel really bad. my DH also says i cant ban them from seeing the children but hasnt come up with any other solution. i just cant seem to get through to them.

It is crap because those teeth, when at their grandparent's, are bathed in acid from 1st thing in the morning until they brush their teeth at night, don't buy it. Brushing is important, but so is diet. Massively.

Sorry, crossed post. I feel for you Peachbaby, I really do and I think you did the right thing, even telling your daughter off, because she has to learn that eating that many sweets is bad for her, even when they are given to her by her grandparents. Maybe you could sit down with your children also and tell them you don't want them eating sweets when they are at their grandparents and why. If they refuse to accept them, maybe grandparents will stop giving them. I realise that that may be difficult for your children to refuse though. Get them to bring them home and you keep them in an occasional 'treat' jar or something?

shout very loudly at them and make most of the shouting related to "don't give them sweets, or you will pay the dental bills as we'll go private just to spite you"

i will try the get them to bring them home idea, thanks Ellideb.
Minouminou that made me !!

What would you do if they repeatedly gave them something else that you weren't happy about, e.g. alcohol?

The fact is that you are the parents and they have to abide by your rules when it comes to diet and discipline. They have had their time with you and now it's your turn.

IMO if they continue with the sweets thing, then I would limit their time with them to what is acceptable sweetwise - e.g. a couple of hours or so at a time and at a frequency that you're happy with - e.g. once a week. i.e. a period of time that if they stuff their faces with sweets, then that would be ok with you.

And tell them this.

If it was every now and again I think it wouldn't be a problem but if, as you say, they see them regularly then it stops being a treat and has damaging effects so no, YANBU.

It must be 'generational' thing - maybe they were told that it was the brushing (or not) that was to blame. We know better now, dental advances and all that. that your dd has 2 fillings at age 6! That is actually quite young, presumably that is in her baby teeth? Altho the adult teeth also get damaged by sugar, even before they are through. My ds1 had his first filling this year at the age of 15.
sweets after dinner are 'ok' - as in not so bad as after breakfast, when they can't brush their teeth for hours.Just make sure they brush as soon as poss after. Or at least eat cheese, which is good for neutralising acid.

MY dad always says, well they get new ones anyway.. he has terrible teeth and does not seem to realise that you only get one set of gums. He's Far Too Busy to spend time with his garndchildren, though. I don't know which situation I prefer.

hmm, that would piss me right off - who the hell gives kids sweets before breakfast?

and the fact that they keep doing it despite being asked not to?

how about bribing getting your kids to shame them by saying 'no thanks, I don't want any more fillings' or somesuch?

don't know what your kids are like but I have recently met a 6 year old who was specifically told by the dentist to stop eating so many sweets as her teeth were affected. I took her to a party on Saturday and she only ate one tiny packet of sweets and said she wouldn't eat the others cos of what the dentist had said. A word from a figure of authority (that Includes mum and dad by the way) can be a powerful thing!