To think that double weddings are pointless?

[Lala87]

Just scrolling through insta and realised Vicky Pattison got married. Her dress choice surprised me as it wasn't the usual traditional style, but she did loom amazing. Anyway, I see she's also doing an Italian wedding when I assume the more traditional bridal gown will make an appearance. I've noticed a lot of people do the UK thing and then the abroad thing (obvs for legal reasons) but AIBU to think that if you're celebrating big in the UK and you're legally married, then anything abroad seems pointless? You've done it, you're married? Doesn't it feel overkill to walk down the aisle again to do it? Surely it's not as exciting?

Happy to be told otherwise!

I thought a double wedding was the term for when there were two couples marrying at the same ceremony

It's fairly common for people have separate legal ceremonies and possibly more than one party depending on where key family members are

She looked beautiful, the dress was stunning. If they have the money and they wanna splash out, why not?

Yeah I agree, if you’re getting married just get married- same with people who get married abroad but then have a big do at home anyway, it’s too much, people are only going to the UK party to be polite, it’s not a wedding.

A distant cousin had a registry office wedding arranged at short notice because she was pregnant (oh the shame in the 70s) and had the reception a few months later, as she had siblings in the military who couldn't all get leave at short notice.

I also knew someone who got married up a snowy mountain in the US (or was it Canada?) with minimal guests from the UK. She then had a UK 'wedding', but her suitcases - containing the original dress - didn't arrive in the UK in time, so she even had to get a new dress!!

But hey, you do you ...

I agree! There’s been an Instagram trend of having a big UK party on top of the abroad wedding. Plus usually a big hen party! It’s too much. I could never ask people to give up 3+ weekends just for my wedding 😅

Presumably the UK bit is because you have to legally get married in the UK, prior to getting married abroad.

Most international weddings (all maybe?) have involved the couple getting married first in the UK.

And in most cases they wanted to keep it v low key as just a formality, but their families didn’t like that and so they ended up having two weddings as a result.

No you can get married legally loads of places abroad, some you need to be in the country a set amount of time but it’s possible at plenty of locations.

I just think if you want a small low key wedding then having a massive party as well totally defeats that object.

I thought a double wedding was the term for when there were two couples marrying at the same ceremony

Yup. I opened the thread to read more, as I've not heard of a double wedding for years.

I assumed its often where the couple have family or roots in two countries and they want to celebrate both traditions or with both families? Personally for me the marriage is the legal bit and can see no point in recreating vows but mothing to stop a party at another time or place to celebrate.

Girl in our culture we have 5 events. The bride dresses up for each and everyone.
5 outfits, 5 bridal hair styles, 5 bridal make up artists.

In many countries (like France) if you want a religious ceremony it has to be as well as one at the town hall - you have to have the legal marriage as a secular thing.

I know lots of people who do a traditional cultural wedding more for their family, and then one for them. Makes sense, that way everyone is happy. Plus, it's more fun if you're a guest for both! 🙂 in some ways I feel it could be better, as I probably would've felt much more relaxed at the second one

I had a wedding party abroad in my home country 7 years after my legal marriage to celebrate with my parents and extended family. It was because I eloped at 22 and we had zero money or inclination to spend money on anything wedding related. I only decided to celebrate after we saved up a deposit for our London flat and were in the process of buying (which was around 4 years after our wedding and I planned it for the next year)..covid happened and I couldn't even fly back really. So we had the wedding party in 2022. My parents gave me £10k as a wedding gift which more than covered the wedding costs (and I got cash gifts which also covered the small wedding which was a lunch for 50 family members at a hotel ) , but I still feel glad I could pay it all from savings (plus paying for hotel and flight costs for MIL and SIL) out of my money without relying on gifts.

We were supposed to have a small simple religious ceremony in uk as well as the wedding party, but I really couldn't be arsed after being married for a good 7 years plus MIL already attended my overseas wedding.

Mumsnet people would probably think it's weird but honestly i think my parents and MIL and aunties liked attending my wedding, DH also felt happy that there was some sort of celebration (cos our registry marriage in 2015 only had his grandpa, grandma, aunt and uncle as witnesses) and we really needed to marry when we did to even stay in the same country. In light of the housing crisis it was prudent of us to reserve our money for our home and to only spend money we had once our housing costs had been allocated. My SIL who had a 30k wedding and a £1400 dress is now living with her MIL in her 30s with a baby. I don't think the wedding was the main cause but I think life would be a lot easier if they had saved that money towards their future and only celebrated when things were more settled.

Marriage as a whole is positive for building wealth esp if with right person and you love each other and don't divorce (DH and I were DINKY from our early 20s) but overspending at early stages can be very detrimental. Yet not everyone can get away with 5 people and a dog at the registry office, suppose this is the compromise.

Loads of my friends are international and in intercultural relationships - so makes sense to have a legally binding UK wedding and another wedding where the other half of the couple is from. Having 2 also means that friends and family have the chance to attend at least one without feeling the need to splash out on flights;. i.e. to accommodate close family who you'd want at the wedding but without forcing an old and frail uncle or grandparent to fly. It also makes it easier if there are 2 religions involved.

It’s fine to think you wouldn’t find any point in doing it. Everybody makes different choices. I really like my friends and I really like parties, so I’d be more than happy to attend a wedding in two parts, if invited.

Urgh the idea of having two weddings makes me feel exhausted. One was stressful enough that I would never do it again anyway.

Also why would you put your family and friends through the cost and hassle? Incredibly self indulgent.

I’m more fascinated by the fact she had her UK wedding sponsored by Greggs

DH and I talked about having the legal bit done in the uk 🇬🇧 with witnesses only. And then marrying with the wedding in my mum's hometown/childhood church abroad

In the end, tiny wedding in uk. Mainly because his side wouldn't have travelled.

God, DH would have loved that: he wanted to have our wedding at the Wetherspoons.

I guess that really my question is does it mean the same, doing the vows twice? Don't you already feel married and find the second part a bit meh? Or is it less about that and more about the party abroad?

Slight derail, but I just realised I saw her wedding! Well, the party come out! I only remember because I commented on the dress being very short.

I never did the vows twice. I did the civil part when I was 22 so we could stay in the same country.

When I had my wedding party 7 years later, we had the tea ceremony (served tea to all the elders and got their well wishes), followed by a meal at a hotel with the bridal entrance and all that..

So very different. One was functional the other was a party. Am sure most double weddings are like that.

Just seems like a personal choice really. What feels pointless to one couple will be different for others. To me, even one wedding would feel a bit pointless, but of course I understand that it’s really important for lots of other people.

Someone I know has a close connection with a church in another European country but like many countries only marriage at the town hall or equivalent is legally recognised. She and her DH had a small informal registry office ceremony here in the UK so that they were legally married and a couple of days later they had what they regard as their wedding with all their friends and family at the church abroad.

I know someone who had the legal wedding first (for the visa, no guests) and then the ceremonial wedding 3 months later with guests and white dress and everything. everyone treated the ceremony as the real thing even though the legal bit had been done earlier. But she didn't make a big thing of the legal event (no photos, no announcements etc).