Was I unreasonable not to go?

[Pipipier]

My sister's friend's partner died recently., whom I'd never met. I didn't attend the funeral for a couple of reasons, one being I'd been through a difficult time myself over the last while and felt unable to deal with the tragic nature of this death. I sent a sympathy card, but feel a bit guilty for not attending now. AIBU?

So, not your sister's partner, your sister's friend, but the partner of your sister's friend. You hadn't met the partner, but you sent a sympathy card. Nothing else needed.

Has anyone said you should’ve attended? I don’t see why you’d be expected to given it’s your sister’s friend’s partner and you never met him.

Sounds very far removed from you. Do you think you'd be expected to go?

I honestly can't see why you would go, but that's reflective of my family/culture. Would it be expected in yours?

Yes, partner of sister's friend. Thank you, that makes me feel better.

No one has said anything, just me doubting myself!

I think it would have been rude for you to go.

Totally fine that you didn't attend. In fact, I think I would have found it a bit strange if you had given the circumstances. The card was more than enough.

I don’t think anyone would have expected you to go.

I live in Ireland where the norm is to attend funerals of people you have never met because you have some connection with one of the bereaved (friend, colleague, neighbour etc). Even here, unless you knew your sister's friend well, you wouldn't be expected to go

I don't think it's ever rude to go to a funeral unless you make a scene. So long as you are paying your respects to someone you have at least a vague connection with, I can't see how it could be taken as rude. However, a vague connection doesn't mean you would be expected to go.

Rude? How? ….it’s a public event……OP could have sat with her sister to support her…..but it’s absolutely fine that she didn’t either

I live in an area where almost the whole community tends to turn out for funerals.

I make a point of only going to funerals I really want to, not because I feel I should or distant acquaintances like in your situation.

I think it was completely fine not to go, especially as you hadn't met the deceased.

Sending a card was a lovely, thoughtful thing to do.

I'm sure no one would have expected you to attend.

Fine not to go. I assume you had not said you would.

No, I hadn't said I would attend... I tend to overthink these things afterwards.