How do I tell my friends I don’t want them to visit me after surgery?

[ArbitraryHaddock]

I have a close group of friends that I have known for about two years with whom I go out around twice a week. I made these friends after I was widowed during COVID and discovered that all my previous friends were just work colleagues who dropped me like a hot brick.

I am shortly going into hospital to have necessary and relatively major surgery. I’ll be in hospital for about a week, and then recuperating at home alone for about six weeks if all goes well.

i know my friends will be very keen to visit, bring flowers, bake cakes, bring casseroles and no end of helpful things. But I just can’t face it.

I absolutely hate seeing people when I don’t feel my best. I find it so draining. Even if I’m just having a bad day, I’m the type to go away on my own and just be by myself for a while. I’m really beginning to feel quite panicked at the thought of a stream of well wishers trooping through my bedroom plumping and fussing. Am I being unreasonable to ask them to check in by phone or text instead?

This - let them collect laundry or ironing, or drop off supplies or do admin, or drop off a home-cooked meal.

Will you be home alone?
Do you have a cleaner?

Is there anything they could do that you would actually find helpful?

Asking them to do something specific might be better than asking them to do nothing at all.

Home alone, but my daughter will be calling in. No cleaner.

OK great so you have someone who can pick up a tupperware from the doorstep if necessary.

Very best wishes for your surgery and recovery. My DP has had, totally unexpectedly, a lot of major surgery this month and it's been amazing to have support of friends and family for me and our baby to keep our heads above water but some people love to make it about themselves, some people make it all admin, and DP definitely wouldn't be well enough for a stream of visitors.