Sports - when your child struggles

[Hiddencomic]

Posting for traffic really.. my son plays in a football team. It’s grass roots and he joined the team last year. The problem is, he just isn’t very good. At this age… now under 10s I know it’s about development over winning but he really struggles. I think he’s borderline adhd so isn’t always paying attention and he’s not the fastest runner. However… he absolutely loves being part of a team. I noticed at the end of last season and couple of friendlies over summer that other players are starting to notice how weak he is.. I think they will start to resent him.. he’s clearly the weakest link. I can bear the thought of him being talked about behind his back. We obviously try and encourage him and give him tips but all goes over his head. I’ll see how this season goes but when do you have the talk with a child and say enough is enough? I know this sounds very negative and if he’s happy then I should be.. the coaches haven’t said anything but he is usually one of the players to be subbed off so it’s clear they too see weakness. Ultimately I just want to spare his feelings being hurt! Any advice?

At that level (in Scotland) they are tiered into advanced, intermediate and development. Look about for a team that’s perhaps a development team. He’ll be able to play at his level and with other kids of similar ability and will probably enjoy it more.

my 10 year old has just signed pro youth and he came from a super competitive team and I get what you mean about players that are weaker. They don’t like it. On the other hand I have a 7 year old who hates football and can’t kick a ball 😂

when do you have the talk with a child and say enough is enough?

Never.

You never, ever make your child feel like they can't pursue something they enjoy because they're not good enough. Never.

Had exactly the same experience with my son last year - he’d been with the team since they started as mini’s and genuinely loved being part of a team with his friends… but had zero passion for football outside of it and his skills were slipping further and further behind the rest. He was getting subbed more and more, and wasn’t being picked for tournaments.

We ended up approaching the chat with him saying that as he got older it was going to change to be a more competitive game, and that if he wasn’t particularly fussed on playing then he’d get picked less, and then he wouldn’t develop his skills and it would become a cycle. If he was genuinely enthusiastic about continuing then we’d support him to the end, but if he felt that he’d reached a natural ending point then we’d support him that way too.

To give him his dues, he left the conversation feeling like he’d made the decision to leave himself, and opted to try tennis which he’s ended up loving.

My son is in u13s and they have different leagues for different abilities at his level which is grassroots. Could he join a team in a lower league perhaps?

The politics of sports clubs are unavoidable and generally awful (even if every single parent is fab). I agree that the trick is to have them playing at the right level. Plus side of football is that there should be a local team that is.

If it’s any comfort, cricket is as bad from about U11 (at least at the big clubs where they have a choice of who to play). And as a parent of two DSs who are regularly selected I die a little inside for the DC who aren’t (would have been me at that age) and wish their parents would consider finding them another club before they lose their love of the game.

Thanks - he actually plays for the lowest ability team within the club.. but they are pretty decent! I have thought about looking for a lower ability team for sure but nothing near us. I really do wish I could get him into another sport but it’s finding time and have we left it too late?! He has shown some interest in tennis but lessons clash with other activities (swimming lessons and cubs). Totally appreciate what you say @NuffSaidSam, this is why I’ve always held back as I know I should encourage. I guess this is something I’m just going to have to let play out..

Somehow I think you should try to get him to participate in another sport.

@LlynTegid i really wish there was something else I could encourage him with.. it’s fitting it in a hectic week!!