Is this negging?

[bubblesun]

For some reason my husband loves to talk about other women on tv

Sorry, it cut short.

So this morning he said "oh that film you left
On was nice, the woman had an amazing body"

I said "okay, great, don't understand why you feel the need to tell me that"

"you don't police my thoughts, who the hell are you, not everything I like will be about you"

"I didn't ask to police your thoughts I just don't understand why you feel the need to tell me"

(Bare in mind, I was breastfeeding my newborn)

What does he say?

He's got to be saying something about you for it to be nagging.

Well everyone likes looking at attractive people. Is he saying, "look at Holly Willoughby, you'd be so much prettier if you had your hair cut and coloured like hers"? Or is he saying, "Holly is really beautiful, isn't she"?

If its the first, yes, that's negging. If it's the second, start playing the silly sod at his own game by commenting on all the good looking men on tv.

I don't know why I used the word negging,
He gets so annoyed if I don't join in the conversation about other women's beauty.
Yes sometimes I agree
But I don't understand what he expected of me.

"oh please put on the movie again so I can witness this amazing body"

When I said "keep it yourself"

He said "just because you have insecurities about your body don't try and tell me I can't talk to you about someone else's"

I'd be scaring Jason momma as my phone's wallpaper and saying I think he has a nice body. :)

And now with your update, I can understand why you might be super-sensitive to comments about your body if you've just given birth! Your body might be a bit battered right now but you just grew an actual little human inside it, and safely brought that little human into the world, and now you're feeding it from your amazing body. That woman in the film is paid to keep her body in film-ready condition.

He sounds horrible.
It doesn't sound like he loves you. You're meant to be kind and respectful and helpful just tried to shut you down.

It doesn’t matter what her body is like, you still don’t do what he is.

He sounds awful.

He said "just because you have insecurities about your body don't try and tell me I can't talk to you about someone else's"

But why would he want to? Why would you be interested?

I wouldn't bother with talking about fit men thh - he'll just escalate it.

I'd actually ask him what outcome he's hoping for. Why he wants you to know. I'd be telling him that the only logical conclusion is that he either doesn't find you attractive or he wants to make you feel shit about yourself and, if he succeeds, the likely outcome of that will be that you won't want to have sex with him anymore.

I went out with someone who tried doing this sort of thing. I dumped him.

He keeps doing it even though you have pointed out it is an overshare and unwelcome - that's grim. It definitely lacks empathy.

I'm not sure what name I would give it - covert put-down by comparison? Spiteful overshare? Inappropriate overshare? Immature...

He sounds like he enjoys tormenting you and seeing your reaction.

He is a cunt, he is actively trying to make you insecure.

No loving, respectful partner would ever say this to you. They may think it, I mean we all have eyes and it’s normal to find other people attractive, but to verbalise it like that only had one purpose - to make you feel badly about yourself.

Spiteful over share - I love that to describe this.
If he thinks he's ruining my confidence it is doing the opposite.
I'm just starting to think he's so insecure he must think I can do better than him.
Maybe I should start to believe him!

He's desperate for a reaction, it's pathetic.

Start to agree to piss him off.
You have a baby, well you have done some amazing work to tolerate his small mindedness and inconsideration.
Given baby demands and watching tv alongside a muppet who thrives on winding up his newly mothering partner.
Shallow too!

He sounds very immature, he's acknowledged that you have insecurities about your body, as so many of us do, and these insecurities are usually heightened after childbirth because your body has worked so hard to do something amazing, and so it has altered a little, you're bound to be a little sensitive. He is being deliberately confrontational about these issues by forcing you to discuss other women, or tolerate his comments about them, he is not taking your feelings into consideration at all, he is actively trying to humiliate and hurt you. When confronted with this he will probably come up with some bs about trying to motivate you to lose weight and tone up. Tell him that you've made a child together, and it's time stop playing head games, be a supportive husband and father, not an immature teenaged brat.

ive had shades of this at times. What killed it once and for all is agreeing, musing that I’m probably becoming more attracted to women anyway as I age.

the next time he started, i joined in the admiration, and added men aren’t really worth the hassle for me any more and maybe I should dump him in favour of a lovely lady with a lot of cats.

He sounds like a lecherous arsehole.

Let's leave aside the topic for a moment.

He has made a comment that you found hurtful. You flag this up as hurtful. He tells you that it's your fault that you find it hurtful - points out what he considers your psychological weakness - and that he will carry on doing as he likes.

I mean, he's a twat. Who does this to their beloved life partner and mother of their child? The topic could have been anything, but he's chosen complimenting other women's bodies while you are breastfeeding his child.

I have no doubt that you have an easy dozen other examples of this rubbish behaviour from him.

Oh, and everyone has insecurities about their bodies. Everyone. Including him.

He sounds like an inconsiderate (and quite nasty) twat. What sort of man feels the need to compliment other women out loud when their own wife has just given birth to their child and has openly expressed (very inderstandable) discomfort with this. I know my dh finds some women attractive but he would never rub my face in it, especially at a time when I might be vulnerable and insecure.

He's twat, it's not nice to hear him letching over another woman's body and he knows it.

As its more of a pattern focussing comments on attractive women on TV rather than a one off and nothing about the other content of the film/program it does appear an attempt to make you feel insecure. His reply to you was uncalled for and nasty, he'd not be interested in hearing how you thought various men on screen were hot either as it's bloody boring!

Does he also letch over attractive women he see's out in public while with you?

Tell him that then 😉