What would you do?

[ExitHow]

Married 14 years, I found out DH has cheated, so that's that.

We are both named on the house we share, owned, no mortgage, worth maybe 600k.

Shared savings pot of £70k.

I earn £1500pcm.
He earns £2100pcm.

What would you do? Move out? Ask him to move out?

My head is spinning.

Kids?

Any kids?

Well, he should move out.

But can you buy him out?

I should say, no kids. He never wanted them.

Wasted the best years of my life.

You don’t need to make a permament or any decision right now. You can ask him to stay some where else for a couple of nights rather than ask him to move out and later ask him to move out if that’s what you want.

No, and to be honest I wouldn't want to.

We only bought this house because he wanted it.

He refuses to move out or agree to a divorce.

I doesn’t need to agree to the divorce.

In which case, before you do anything else (other than ensuring that if you have joint bank account, you've taken half of it out for yourself), you must see a good solicitor.

He does not get to decide what happens. You deserve more - leave. He has to buy you out or sell. Move on.

Gather all financial information eg pension, insurance, savings, investment, wages and house price. Go and see a family law solicitor on Monday.

Start looking for somewhere else to live.

Can either of you afford to buy the other out?

Otherwise the most cost effective way to split would be to stay in the house together until it’s sold.

As an aside, you can’t blame him for not having children. You made that choice too.

I don't think I earn enough to get a rental. I could airbnb somewhere but that would eat my 50% of savings pretty fast?

Your yearly rent should be 30 x your salary which you may struggle with. But you do have savings so you could pay six months or a year rent upfront.

Start divorce proceedings on line.

Do you work PT? You may need to look at upping your hours.

Alternatively, you’ll have approx 35k in savings so you could offer six months rent up front and repay yourself monthly.

Then file for divorce and put the house on the market while you live separate lives.

If all savings in joint names, you might also consider moving "your half" of the savings into an account in your sole name to prevent him from just taking it and spending it (which he can legally do although may be taken into account when they do the financial settlement). Don't spend it though and only take half. Document the transfer. Even if you don't do this, get copies of everything as at the date you consider that you've split and then file for divorce on that day.

Don’t let him dictate the narrative. Take control and you tell him what’s happening going forward.

I would move to the spare room and file for divorce and completely ignore him until the divorce is finalised and the house sold. What a git

Although some people are able to, I personally couldn't forgive an infidelity and move on without being incredibly resentful. In your position I'd be filing for divorce. He doesn't need to agree, you can serve him the papers. If you're not that bothered about the house, can he buy you out so that you can make a fresh start? Or can you split the savings and sell your current property so you've each got the funds to buy your own places?

Unfortunately he can't buy me out.

We'll have to sell the property (he will hate that, what a shame).

It's a large house so I will take the suggestion to live seperate lives until it's sold. I have a friend in Spain who has offered me her spare room for a month so I'll try and do that.

I've now moved my 50% of savings into a sole account in my name.

Thank you for the replies.

Good luck with it all. I would definitely stay put, engage politely but minimally to keep life bearable, and once your have all your paperwork together then start proceedings. If you move out and he 'doesn't want to sell' he can make the house unattractive/leave it messy/be obstructive to make selling difficult. Make your own nest with a tv etc in another room if you can if that's easiest to secure your own space and start divorce proceedings. He may give up and move out but at this stage he probably thinks by just not agreeing to anything you may just 'give up'.

Don't "suggest" you live separately, tell him you are and which shelves in the cupboard/fridge are yours.

Consider locks etc

See a sollicitor before taking ANY decisions! You going away to Spain might be used against you in the divorce proceedings so tread carefully. Meanwhile if the house is big as you said try to divide the space between you. Luckily you don't have children because that would be heartbreaking. So sorry for you OP..