5yo suddenly terrified of everything

[Pumpkinz]

Please tell me this is just a phase they grow out of? (Of course i know he wont still be doing it at 18 but its exhausting). My son is suddenly absolutely terrified of the dark, noises in the house, being on his own etc. I understand that kids get scared sometimes but even during the day, he often won't go in a different room without me because he is scared of monsters. I've no idea where it has come from. He doesn't watch YouTube, or anything age inappropriate that might have triggered it. Is there anything I can do to help him not be so scared?

Bump

I wouldn't pander to it or pay it any attention.

Can you get him some monster spray? Put some water in a squirty bottle and hell him spray the monsters away. Bless him. Sounds normal to a certain extent.

My son is the same! He’s also the same age. I’ve just calmly been accompanying him to the toilet, for example (he doesn’t want to go on his own!) but then retreating while he’s still in there, and now he’s ok with that. It’s a phase; it is for my son anyway. He’s been through it once already! I think just don’t make a big deal of it. Hope it passes soon!

I think this is normal? Around this age you get the proper realisation of your separateness, develop empathy.. this is kind of the flip side? I think reassurance and entering into feelings any way you can, eg you know it can seem strange when the house is suddenly quiet, but really other people are only in the kitchen, that corner does look dark, but really it’s only where the coats are etc. your son sounds sensitive and imaginative, he just needs some ways to reassure himself.

You'd just ignore a 5yo child that has tears running down his face because he thinks there's a wolf behind him?

Isn't that just confirming that there are monsters in the house though? I already told him they're only real in our imaginations and on tv.

Thank you. Currently I just calmly tell him there are no monsters and take him to the toilet. I also retreat sometimes but he gets scared and wees everywhere.

That’s a brilliant plan if you want to raise insecure children.

So if you were anxious or unhappy you can't the person you love most in the world to completely dismiss your feelings?

@username44416

I hope you're scared sometime and no one helps you.

I think its their imagination kicking in.

Stay calm & cheerful. Don't do monsters sprays etc thats like telling them there IS something to be afraid of.

Encourage them to express their imagination creatively. Draw a picture of a monster, write a story about one. Play dress up monsters & make it all quite silly. But keep reiterating that its just pretend!

I wouldn't pander to it or pay it any attention.
That’s a brilliant plan if you want to raise insecure children.

Tbf my mum never pandered to any of this and i'm not insecure at all, in fact I'm pretty resilient!

You'd just ignore a 5yo child that has tears running down his face because he thinks there's a wolf behind him?

I'd just calmly turn him round and say "look ds, no wolf". Chat to him about how there are no wolves in england and haven't been in ages, and if there were they wouldn't be interested in him.

@Pumpkinz

it is a pretty normal phase to go through. Frustrating as fuck when they're suddenly scared to go upstairs to the toilet or their bedroom when they've been doing it for ages.

The 'Monster Spray' is a common technique. But I agree with you. I feel it is confining there's something there to be scared of. Toilet I'd go with them straight away, but for getting a toy from their room I'd be busy for a bit & encourage them to go by themselves if they didn't want to wait (starting with just a minute or two & building up). They do just get over it (thank god!!). I'd reassure them there wasn't anything to worry about in the house, but I'd never say they were being silly or anything. In the same way I'd never tell an adult their fear of something (spiders/flying) was silly.

There’s a hood book about a big bag of worries that I got when our DS went through this phase. I got him worry dolls, too.

He learned it’s ok to worry, it’s not ok to whip yourself into a frenzy over things which aren’t real and probably won’t happen.

Sympathies, it was a wearing stage.

Normal for both my dc however I’m sorry to say not a quick ‘phase’ - lasted from about 5-10 for dc1 and dc2 still very much in it at 8.5. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to speed through it really. I had the same ‘phase’ myself and it wasn’t pandered to in those days, I was made to watch scary films etc and to be honest it probably lasted a lot longer because of it!

I'd go for consistent calm reassurance every time (and a night light). Some kids books can be surprisingly scary and monster crop up on Cbeebies regularly so ask him if a story has scared him. I'm still a bit scared of the dark - I think that's quite a basic human instinct.

Yes, we always discuss the fact that monsters aren’t real, in a bright and breezy way. We compare it to things like peppa pig, saying that is only make believe, as pigs can’t talk, can they?! Making silly jokes about things like that when he’s in a good mood can help him to get his head round what is real and not real.

This happened to my dc - I explained that getting new fears was very normal at their age and because their brains were growing and they were developing an excellent imagination. I would give the dc a hug and explain that in a few months they wouldn’t be afraid of tractors / newsreaders / tigers / bad spacemen …. I also made them laugh with the ridiculous fears I had had at the same age.

This happened to my daughter but thankfully only lasted about a week. About 6 months later she says "mummy you know that time when I was afraid to go to the toilet by myself? I was being ridiculous wasn't I?". 😂

She seemed to like me saying that I wouldn't allow monsters into the house and I checked the house every day but there was never any evidence of monster food, monster toys, monster clothes etc.

Wtf. You ignore a child who needs some reassurance?

@Quodraceratops my 5 year old has started doing exactly the same. I have bought him a nightlight that he can hold or stick on to his bed. I re-assure him monsters are not real and only in a cartoons.
I leave the hall light on too so if he does get up and come to my room he isn't scared coming along the hall.

Can we stop using "pander" as if the people who are actually nourishing their children are doing something wrong?

If you were neglected in some ways and turned out fine, I'd say you were lucky (or are you resilient because your mum forced you to be by ignoring you?). The rest of us actually care about our children.

It is utterly and completely normal. The post telling you not to "pander" to it makes my blood boil/chill. This is a small human being with a developing imagination but lacking the experience to rationalise his fears - which is normal because his life experience is limited. He needs warmth, love, comfort and reassurance. Clearly he needs to be told that his fears are unfounded, but he also needs the hugs and love that tell him that when he meets a frightening challenge, his parents are there for him as his rock.

My now adult DDs had all sorts of fears, which we helped them through - they sometimes talk about them now and laugh - the monster on the landing was a particular favourite.

For one, who was frightened in the dark (a common human fear with good reason), we placed a small mattress, duvet and pillow at the bottom of our bed and she was allowed to creep into this if she woke in the night and felt afraid - the rule was that she should not wake us up - it was a bit of a jokey thing and she was very proud in the morning if she met that challenge - we used to sit up and look shocked - my goodness, what is this strange thing at the bottom of our bed! - accompanied by giggles.

It is also about this age that they begin to work out that death exists and is permanent, so this could be part of the problem.