To feel snubbed?

[Cheeseandcrackers40]

At a weekly childrens tennis event I said hello to the mum of DS's friend, she said she wanted to buy her FIL a drink (sitting at a different table) but would come back and say hi in a bit. I was on my own as I dont really know anyone there (DH takes DS to lessons/tournaments). She didn't come over again... We were there for 2 hours. After the group kids lesson our children were playing tennis 1-on-1 with each other for an hour. My husband has her and her husband on whatsapp plus spent time with them at a tournament last week.

Just sitting here wondering if I'm dreadful company or if I'm being overly sensitive....

100% being over sensitive. People are busy, easy to forget.

Hugely oversensitive. You can get up and talk to people, too, instead of just sitting there.

If it was a busy event and she knew others there she may have just genuinely forgot. I wouldn’t worry too much!

She got invovled in talking to someone else and forgot she said she'd come over?

Why didn't you go over and sit with her once it was obvious she wasn't coming back? You were a group of adults watching your DC play tennis; it's the expected norm that you all make slightly awkward small talk.

In an event there are lots of things going on and also if her FIL was there she might have felt a bit compelled to spend time with him. I wouldn’t look too much into it, sounds like a busy event. Did you try and chat to her later?

I just got really in my own head that she didnt want to talk to me and I didnt want to annoy her. That probably sounds really pathetic. Ive really lost my social mojo over the last couple of years and started feeling socially anxious. I appreciate the sense checks from everyone.

It doesn’t sound pathetic, but it does sound a bit sad in that you’ve lost your mojo a bit. Can you do something for yourself to give you a bit more oompf in social situations? You sound really sweet for what it’s worth.

@Arlanymor thank you that's kind. I honestly don't know, any suggestions?! I was very shy and sensitive as a child but sort of managed to master and mask it in my 20s and early 30s and was incredibly social. But since having my kids I find it all such a struggle - I get anxious if I even have to do the school run and find myself going back over conversations and worrying about how I came across.

She didn’t want to talk to you, and that’s fine, she was with her Fil and wanted to/felt she should spend the time with him. Next time she may well come over and chat with you. She doesn’t owe you anything because you know her a bit.

It’s easy to feel snubbed in that kind of scenario but from an outsider’s perspective, I would think it’s more likely she knew lots of people and had her FIL (who possibly didn’t know many/any) to talk to so she probably just forgot and didn’t think anything more of it.

You sound like a friend of mine who just can’t see what a rockstar she is! You have so much to offer in conversation and much more. It’s natural that you kind of get into a bit of a home mode when you have children, but that’s not all of you. Not by a long shot!

What kind of things do you usually do to up your confidence? Then I can suggest some things!

There is nothing whatsoever in the OP to suggest she felt 'owed' anything. She is concerned that the woman may find her dull company and so actively didn't want to talk to her ie avoided her. Which very few people would feel 'fine' about. No need to insinuate the OP is being entitled when there's no evidence of that at all.

Ah op, lots of people suffer from mental health issues. Don’t stress. She did nothing wrong and neither did you.

Thanks @Arlanymor, i feel like the anxiety is quite situationally specific which I guess is one of the reasons I feel so silly - I'm fine at work and chair meetings etc. I also recently did a yoga teacher training course and felt comfortable with that group and I've just started teaching a yoga class at the weekends, also fine.

I think I find it hard to connect when there isn't something obvious in common... a part from having kids! I find silence difficult so then I worry I'm talking too much and i get very in my own head.

I'm not sure what I do to bolster my confidence really... i probably need to try and tap into how I feel in those other scenarios some how. It's like I completely regress in certain situations and feel like I'm back at school!!

I struggle with similar but that’s because I’m autistic. Not sure if you’ve ever considered that or how many females were overlooked years ago and mask so heavily it’s become ingrained. Predictable events are manageable because there is a focus or set task to compete but other social situations are tricky. Autism usually shows as anxiety in masking females.

Thanks, this is a really interesting perspective. My brother is currently waiting for asd diagnosis and we have strong suspicions that DS may be on the spectrum. It's not something I've considered about myself before (have thought i may have adhd though - DH also has adhd in his family). I'm aware that I'm very good at masking feelings - I have a history of MH and find I don't really know how I'm feeling unless I'm alone (or with DH). If im feeling mentally unwell and other people are there a different version of me kind of autopilots until its safe. It can be exhausting.

Neurodivergence does tend to run in families and even if an assessment isn’t on your agenda, it might be worth doing some research into both autism and ADHD in girls to see if it can give you an understanding and personal acceptance of how you feel. The Autistic Girls Network has quite a bit about flying under the radar and masking. Sometimes it can be quite a lightbulb moment for some people.

Thanks @IntrepidCat, I will have a look ❤ x