Fed up with M in Law

[Outonmyear]

Decided to buy my Mother in Law a treat for her birthday, tickets for an event where I also bought a ticket for me and daughter so we could have some quality time and she could spend time with granddaughter. Tickets were £££. She was very keen and excited.

initial idea was she would come and stay with us.

Nearer the time she said she wanted her son to come and they would stay in hotel. Ok, her choice but it meant changing plans about.

She also said that she wanted to go out for a meal for her birthday.

Long story short, we go to the event, had a good time during which my brother in law expected my husband to entertain him and pay for everything. After the event we find somewhere to have a meal and it becomes clear that they expect us to pay for the meal. I had assumed as she wanted to go for the meal she would pay as the event was our treat and we otherwise would have entertained her in our home.

Entire thing cost me nearly a weeks pay and has caused me to feel a lot of resentment!

Surely the son expecting your husband to pay for everything is on him, not your MIL?

How did they show they expected ye to pay for the meal? I defo wouldn't have been paying for your BIL!! Cheeky sod. But I prob wouldn't have expected her to pay for the entire meal either.

They said “thank you for this treat” as they were looking at the menu. I was expecting to just pay for our share and was a bit shocked but didn’t want to create a scene.

Surely for the meal your DH told his brother to go halves as its their mum?!?!

With things like this you either need to be direct and ask who is paying, or just suck up the cost and in future decline or meals or be up front about who pays.

Definitely declining in future.

I had assumed as she wanted to go for the meal she would pay as the event was our treat and we otherwise would have entertained her in our home.

I would have assumed BIL would have offered to get the meal since you paid for the event. What a cheap arse.

I actually think BIL is the cheekiest in this situation! I'd be raging with him.

That's incredibly cheeky on them
Just 'presuming' -I just come to the point and say 'are we splitting this' or shall we get stuff in 'at home'

I think it is the fact she insisted on having him involved is why I’m annoyed with her. That wasn’t the intention or the invitation, although I know I can’t control what someone wants on their birthday! I can definitely see his behaviour is cheeky.

Also I’m not someone who gets annoyed with Mother in Law - we’ve had a good relationship for the past 15 plus years but things seem to be changing a bit.

I think you feel a thrifty Christmas / next few birthdays in the future then!

Absolutely!

I’m so annoyed as I was trying to be kind and now feel upset. Not getting involved with presents for them anymore. My husband is annoyed as well so maybe it will be a lump of coal for Xmas.

Was it her actual birthday? I can understand if it was the actual day she wants her other son with her. Also if it’s her actual bday then it’s not right for her to pay.

maybe pick a day that’s not the actual bday in future

No not actual day.

As a one off for this event can't she cope for one bday without the other son even if it was the actual bday? If your children (I know it's an inlaw but you know what I mean) book an event for you as a one off for your bday you don't invite other children and then expect your other son to cover the costs. Do ppl just have no social skills anymore ?

Does BIL have a limited income? (Student/disability/long term sickness) type situation? Sounds very cheeky if not.

Your brother and dh should have divided the meal in half and paid for their mothers share.

Sounds like the sort of thing my MIL would do. Seriously the sense of entitlement is unbelievable.
I have got wise now and no longer allow her the opportunity to take advantage.
Fully understand your resentment, what you did initially was lovely and she should have been very grateful and not railroaded you in to the situation which unfolded.
Unfortunately as a result of being totally taken advantage of over many years I have started to step back. It is necessary for my mental health and my bank balance. I don't think you have any option but to do the same.