AIBU to be frustrated with debt advice services?

[ThisPeachDeer]

I'm really frustrated and could really use some advice or just a bit of support. AIBU to feel utterly frustrated with debt advice services?
Some background: I'm 33, single mum to two DCs (6 and 3). I work full-time in admin, but I'm drowning in debt and constantly behind on bills. I have ADHD, which makes managing finances a proper nightmare.
My situation:

1. I'm about £12,000 in debt across credit cards and a personal loan.
2. I'm behind on council tax and water bills.
3. My ADHD means I often forget to pay bills on time, leading to late fees that just make everything worse.
4. I make decent money on paper (about £28,000/year), but between childcare, rent, and debt payments, I'm struggling to keep my head above water.
5. I dont want to use direct debit as my income is irregular. Sometimes weekly, sometimes biweekly.

I went to StepChange for help, and they basically told me I don't qualify for their debt management plan because I make "enough money". They said my situation isn't bad enough! Found this quite frustrating as i’ve been told by many to just go to StepChange. Just because I have an ok income doesn't mean I'm not drowning. Their advice was basically "make a budget and stick to it". With my ADHD, just "sticking to a budget" isn’t as easy it seems. They did offer to help with the budget and gave some advice on ways to manage. AIBU to feel like there's a massive gap in support for people like me? I'm not "poor enough" for serious debt help, but I'm certainly not managing on my own. And it feels like no one really gets how much harder ADHD makes all of this. I'm starting to feel really hopeless. I don't want to take out more loans, but I'm terrified of bailiffs showing up because of my council tax arrears. I'm having sleepless nights worrying about money, and it's affecting my work and my patience with the DCs. Has anyone else been in this weird middle ground of financial trouble? How do you manage finances with ADHD? Any tips for dealing with debt when traditional advice just doesn't seem to cut it? I feel like such a failure. I have a good job, but I just can't seem to get on top of this. Any advice would be really appreciated. (Also, please be kind. I know I've made mistakes, but I'm really trying here.)

Getting into more debt due to late fees makes no sense. You really need to automate as much as possible with DD so that you don't incur fees at least. There's no real way around this but to rigidly check your account every day to make sure there are funds to cover the DD. You can usually set them up to always come out on the 1st or whatever. As far as the ADHD goes, really like the "being late" thread, all you can do is employ strategies like alarms, reminders, post it notes around the place.

I didn’t want to read and run, though I’m probably not the right person to give advice. I also have ADHD, and have a shaky relationship with financial responsibility. And your are not BU to feel that there’s too little support for living with ADHD as an adult.

Some thoughts, which may or may not help, but take what fits and leave the rest.

Would it help if you made an active attempt to be mindful of spending? When things are tight, I’ve sometimes used an app to record everything I spend. It’s not so that I can set limits or whatever - it’s just to stop me from spending without thinking. It works best if I make an effort to record the purchase before I actually pay. The extra bit of friction, having to get out the app and note stuff down, can often make me think “Oh, sod it - I don’t actually need this!”

Having a record means I can also look back and see patterns - but you may be able to notice patterns of spending just by thinking through your average week. Am I spending on snacks in the afternoon when I feel tired? If so, maybe I can buy multipacks and keep a few snacks in my bag, so I can save money on the economy of scale. Am I buying bottled water on the way home because work has made me a bit dehydrated? If I put a refillable bottle in my bag, I can try to remember to fill it up before I leave work.

Physically separating money in my wallet sometimes helps for me, if I’m willing to use cash for most things. Find a purse with separate sections, and label them. If there’s no money left in the “snacks” section, then I’ve blown through my snacks budget. If there’s still enough money in the “treats” section, I can accept my friend’s invitation to the pub this evening.

These are just some small, practical things that have helped me in the past. I really hope things get better for you - this is so hard, but I’m rooting for you.

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can, but I totally understand how “just make a budget and stick to it” isn’t realistic in your situation at all.
It might be worth contacting your council directly to explain your situation. Prioritising debts like council tax and water bills is key since the penalties for missing these can be harsh.
Have you checked if you're eligible for any benefits or tax credits? Sometimes people miss out on support they're entitled to. Also check if you're eligible for a debt consolidation loan.
I know youre concerned about irregular income and direct debits so you should think about automating your credit card repayments. I've found an app called Incredible which does this, used it for a few months now to pay of my cards and its made things much easier.

Hello OP. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. You are taking the hardest step by asking for help so well done.
I don't have ADHD, however I have been in your shoes as far as debt is concerned. It was awful.
I approached Christians Against Poverty.
They were most helpful, and very supportive. Took me through my finances step by step, dealt with creditors and made me feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I spoke to them.
I do not profess to be a Christian, but that did not matter. They looked after me anyway at a time I was most vulnerable.

I honestly suggest you try them to see if they can help.
In the space of 5 years, my debt (35k) was all paid off and I got my life back. Best feeling in the world.
Wish you all the best OP. It's not easy but you have to take the hit. I just saw short term pain for long term gain. Good luck x

Why haven't you got your payments automatically set up so you won't get late fees?
StepChange were fantastic for us. We are 6 years into an 8 year plan and in a much better position now.

YNAB is a lifesaver for ADHD. It has a learning curve but if you engage with it and watch a training video or two, it will change the way you budget forever.

If you really don't want to use direct debit, set up a phone reminder right now, this very second, for the council tax and one for the water bills (whether monthly or six monthly).

Don't feel like you shouldn't struggle on £28k though - raising 2 kids on that on your own is tough. Have you checked you're claiming everything, including any childcare help?

Oh and it's also ideal for irregular income.

To explain further, I was you a few years ago. Forever being 'surprised' by predictable bills and occasions, no real idea of how much disposable money I actually had. I'm an impulsive spender, another ADHD thing, but YNAB has curbed that a lot by forcing me to make decisions about where that money comes from.

I've used YNAB for a couple of years now. Bills are never missed, whenever they turn up the money is sitting there waiting. Money is waiting for Christmas, for my car repairs, for birthdays, for all the kids' stuff. Every month, money is assigned to all the stuff I need to pay for in a year, so December is just the same as any other month as the money has been building up all year.

I have more money in my accounts than I've ever had but conversely I feel a lot less inclined to spend it because it's all allocated towards things. If I want to impulsively buy an iPad and my personal spending category has already been spent for the month, I have to make decisions about where I pull the money from.

I'd recommend downloading the app or logging onto the site on your computer and giving the free trial a go and watching Nick True's tutorial on YouTube about how it works.

A bank account like Monzo or Sterling with different pots could be helpful. But yes to setting up direct debts, no one remembers to pay bills no the bank can do it for you.

Christians against poverty won’t push religion on you and can help with budgetting.

I strongly suspect I have ADHD, you need to set the payments up to go out automatically. Even if not a DD, then at least a standing order to pay the minimum and you can top up later.

I missed loads of credit card payments when I was very young (the days you had to go into a branch or phone up). I always thought ‘I need to pay that bill’ then you think about it some more then it gets pushed to the back of, then completely out of your mind. It’s not good for your credit score, so that’s an easy thing to sort out.

I’m quite reckless and impulsive when it comes to spending but I at least never miss payments. I need to work on the budgeting though.

Either you misunderstood or your irregular income is the issue. I used to deal with quite a few people in debt management schemes through work and many of them earned a lot more than you and this was 20 years ago.

What you need to do is provide an honest assessment of your outgoings and they will calculate how much you can afford. I know with PayPlan you just pay them once a month and they pay the money over to you creditors.

Maybe try them instead. It’s no excuse really.

Thank you for taking the time to give some advice! Honestly, separating money sounds really good, I'll give it a go

@Zeeze I'll give them a try thank you! Maybe I need to look over my finances again

I'm sure they didn't tell you you weren't 'poor enough' OP. Debt charities help people with 6 figure incomes if needed. What they may have told you was that after looking at your income and outgoings you had enough money to meet your financial liabilities, so they couldn't negotiate to reduce your debt payments, which is what debt management is, because your creditors would see from your budget you could afford to pay in full. Debt management is for when your reasonable outgoings (which are set amounts) plus your contractual debt payments exceed your income. If they don't, DM isn't appropriate, budgeting advice is. I get that it's hard to follow a budget, but its not right to malign DM charities who in the main do an excellent job, because their service isn't the right one for you.

Hi OP. I was struggling with about £8k credit card debt across providers. I consolidated it all onto one card (Barclaycard) and then they set up a managed payment plan with me where I paid £50 a month until it was paid off. The card was frozen understandably so I couldn’t use it further and it was 0% interest for the duration of the payment plan (which I renewed with them every 18 months or so). Months that I could afford to pay more or where I had windfalls or pay rises I did, and now the whole balance is almost paid off.

The payment plan only affected my credit score minimally. It didn’t hurt it anywhere near I expected and now I’m back to an almost perfect score (in the high 900s). It shows on your report that you’ve got a special payment arrangement with your bank but as long as I kept up that £50 a month affordable payment, my score was not hindered by much. Definitely nowhere near how much it would be hindered with continuous missed payments and debt increasing due to interest. I highly recommend consolidating all your debt with one provider and talking to them about setting up an arrangement. They will go through your incomings and outgoings and help you set up something you can afford. The relief is immense and it’s supportive. The man on the phone said due to Covid and the Cost of Living Crisis, they were taking thousands of calls a day about setting up affordable plans.

If you can’t set up direct debits for your bills and utilities, you must set up alarms to get this paid or have family members help. Late and missed payments make everything so much worse. If it is avoidable, absolutely pay this on time.

And don’t be too hard on yourself. £28k is an incredibly difficult salary to raise two children on including childcare as a single mother even with a modest lifestyle. I promise it will be ok. If the debt charities or support lines can’t/wont help, please contact your credit card issuers directly and explain your problem.

Oh and just to add to my post above- I’m not talking about a debt order relief or an IVA or anything as that’s for more serious matters and hurts your report immensely. It was a personalised payment plan arranged with my credit card provider. They helped me work out what I could afford to pay each month and then set up my payment for that amount.

Things that have helped me in the past:

Setting up direct debits for counciltax, water, ... preferably for the day after your wages get paid.

Have a weekly budget and stick to it! That's, when you get your weekly shopping, go to the cash machine and take the cash out. Once it's gone, it's gone. Anything left over can roll on to the next week. So if you have £5 left, you need to take £5 less out the following week.

Day before payday: check how much is left, either move it to a saving account or pay off some debt.

I used to work in council tax recovery many moons ago. Call them, please! They want you to pay without involving the bailiffs and they’ll do everything they can to get you set up with a direct debit for the current year’s payment plus a little on top to chip away at the arrears.

And also to say, when I was in the process of trying to consolidate and get my head around everything and felt like I was drowning, I wrote and sent a letter to the five providers I had debt with and explained I was struggling and if possible - could they freeze the interest on my debt for 60 days. They all obliged quickly and happily. This helped immensely, gave me a bit of space to breathe and helped me gain a little bit of surplus money to make sure utilities could be taken care of for a while to fix a backlog. That’s the kind of thing that will really help you. Highly recommend putting any requests in writing instead of on the phone.

Another recommendation for CAP (Christians Against Poverty) - they will help you manage your finances and pay off your debts - no matter what your income and are friendly and helpful. Call 0800 328 0006 and they will refer you to local advice team.

I have a separate account for all my direct debits. I have an idea of how much everything will cost in a month (eg average monthly power bill, water, internet bill etc), and when I get paid that's how much goes into the account every month. There is 1-2 months of buffer in the account as well, which means that regardless of when I get paid, the direct debits will all come out without bouncing. I don't use the account for anything else other than direct debits.

Having all direct debits run via a separate account means I know I can spend on other things like haircuts, clothes etc from my other day-to-day spending account knowing that my essential bills are taken care of by the direct debit account.

Definitely call council tax on Monday, they will help you work it out and that will be a huge weight off. I ended up with bailiffs and still kick myself now that I let it get that bad. I now pay through my salary which isn't ideal but I'm close to having it paid off.
I'm not diagnosed ADHD but definitely struggle with money and have similar struggles to you. I always plan to pay 'when I have a minute' then forget and the money gets frittered away then I panic.
Monzo has been really useful, I put enough money in my bills pot and the D/D comes directly from there. If you can put enough in there to get you started and top up when you get paid that could be a solution. My account tells me what's coming up so I'm not surprised when I see a payment being taken.