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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a WWYD one

26 replies

Rubyandscarlett · 30/08/2024 15:56

My friend has a DD the same age as mine - over the years, we have spent lots of time together but now they are tweens, my DD is pulling right back from the friendship and has no interest in being friends with this other girl - they have nothing in common but the other girl struggles with friendships and places a lot more importance on this friendship than my DD does.
My friend is out next week for a day and has nobody she can ask to have her DD so has asked me if l can mind her (not mature enough to be left all day) so l have said yes but now DD moaning she will have to spend all day with this other child.
Don't want to let my friend down as she has to attend this thing but understand DD's point of view.
WWYD?

OP posts:
SauviGone · 30/08/2024 15:57

I’d tell my DD it’s one day and to suck it up.

SoupDragon · 30/08/2024 15:58

Yeah, I'm in the "suck it up" corner too.

I'd explain that sometimes we have to do things we aren't keen on to help out a friend.

notanarchaeologist · 30/08/2024 16:01

SauviGone · 30/08/2024 15:57

I’d tell my DD it’s one day and to suck it up.

Yup this. Sometimes you do things for friends because they mean something to you and it's nice to help out. Call it a learning opportunity about acts of kindness. Also maybe be prepared to be a bit more handson for the day rather than letting DD bear the brunt of the social responsibility during the time she's with you?

thebear1 · 30/08/2024 16:01

I think she has to suck it up, could you do something like cinema where they don't have to interact much?

thursdaymurderclub · 30/08/2024 16:02

i'm another 'suck it up' vote here. its one day, and these 2 have been friends just grown apart, so it won't hurt just for 1 day.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 30/08/2024 16:04

You’ve said yes now so you’ll have to have her.

Are there activities that you can do to make the time go faster for your dd? Eg cinema

Unlike the previous posters, I don’t think that dd should have to suck up hanging out with people that she has nothing in common with. How often do adults invite people round who have nothing in common with them ? Apart from family where there’s an obligation element, I’d say it was unusual.

ECJW93 · 30/08/2024 16:05

I’m going to be a bit controversial here and say that I wouldn’t force DD to do something she didn’t want to do to help someone else - I think that’s how people become chronic people pleasers and unable to say no to things. They’ve obviously grown apart and she is openly saying that she doesn’t want to spend time with this other girl for a reason.

Ella31 · 30/08/2024 16:06

Obviously, it's important your child isn't forced to be friends with someone they don't feel close to anymore, but there's a different between that and being kind. It doesn't mean she shouldn't tolerate the other girl being in your home and maybe this is a good lesson that being kind is an important characteristic

redtrain123 · 30/08/2024 16:07

Yes, you’ve agreed to it now.

readysteadynono · 30/08/2024 16:09

I'd tell DD that she doesn't have to be close friends or anything but she does have to be kind. I would try to avoid too many meetings in respect of my DD's wishes but I absolutely would tell DD to suck it up for the odd day.

5128gap · 30/08/2024 16:09

I'd have the child to help my friend out. But I'd accept responsibility for her myself and not expect DD to have to entertain her. So I'd probably end up taking them out somewhere where the activity kept them occupied and they didn't have to interact too much. Cinema, bowling that sort of thing.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/08/2024 16:10

I think its probably time your DD learned that she doesn't have to be besties with someone, but she may have to be polite, pleasant and kind to them!

Life is after all going to be absolutely full of that sort of interaction and the notion that you ONLY spend time with people you absolutely adore is really skewed!

AgileGreenSeal · 30/08/2024 16:10

Rubyandscarlett · 30/08/2024 15:56

My friend has a DD the same age as mine - over the years, we have spent lots of time together but now they are tweens, my DD is pulling right back from the friendship and has no interest in being friends with this other girl - they have nothing in common but the other girl struggles with friendships and places a lot more importance on this friendship than my DD does.
My friend is out next week for a day and has nobody she can ask to have her DD so has asked me if l can mind her (not mature enough to be left all day) so l have said yes but now DD moaning she will have to spend all day with this other child.
Don't want to let my friend down as she has to attend this thing but understand DD's point of view.
WWYD?

You have already said yes to your friend so you can’t go back on it.

You will have to do it and try to make it a fun day for both girls.

PuzzledParrott · 30/08/2024 16:12

I also vote tell DD to suck it up.

Its one single day, and you’re helping out your friend.

She doesn’t have to be best mates with her, just be civil.

LostittoBostik · 30/08/2024 16:12

Suck it up buttercup. Pretty soon she'll be in the workplace where she will likely share the majority of work weekly life with people who aren't quite on the same page. One day of kindness and tolerance is a good learning opportunity for her.
Also agree with PPs who said engineer entertainment that is low engagement eg cinema

TwinklyAmberOrca · 30/08/2024 16:15

It's good experience for when she's a grown up and has to work with people that she'd rather not!

A very good skill to learn!

(So she needs to just be nice for the day and find some common ground)

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/08/2024 16:16

You’re doing your friend a favour, so the onus is on you - not your daughter - to provide entertainment for this girl and make sure it isn’t awkward for either of them.

Nanny0gg · 30/08/2024 16:16

Rubyandscarlett · 30/08/2024 15:56

My friend has a DD the same age as mine - over the years, we have spent lots of time together but now they are tweens, my DD is pulling right back from the friendship and has no interest in being friends with this other girl - they have nothing in common but the other girl struggles with friendships and places a lot more importance on this friendship than my DD does.
My friend is out next week for a day and has nobody she can ask to have her DD so has asked me if l can mind her (not mature enough to be left all day) so l have said yes but now DD moaning she will have to spend all day with this other child.
Don't want to let my friend down as she has to attend this thing but understand DD's point of view.
WWYD?

Expect my dd to be kind for just one day?

Nanny0gg · 30/08/2024 16:17

ECJW93 · 30/08/2024 16:05

I’m going to be a bit controversial here and say that I wouldn’t force DD to do something she didn’t want to do to help someone else - I think that’s how people become chronic people pleasers and unable to say no to things. They’ve obviously grown apart and she is openly saying that she doesn’t want to spend time with this other girl for a reason.

For one day it won't kill her or turn her into a chronic people pleaser.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to do something for someone else

Poppins21 · 30/08/2024 16:18

I would say to my dd that she doesn’t have to be friends but she does have to be polite.

I agree with several of the other posters can you organise activities that reduces interaction between them?

DancingNotDrowning · 30/08/2024 16:21

Suck it up on the proviso that you need to facilitate some sort of “entertainment” so that it’s not down to your DD.

but it’s a good lesson, you are doing the mum a favour and the consequence of that it the girls need to spend some time together. Over the years there’ll be many people she doesn’t want to be besties - or any sort of friend with - but sometimes you need to learn to tolerate their company.

Yellowpingu · 30/08/2024 16:22

Been there and have done exactly what PP have proposed. Interestingly enough DS and his friend became close once more as they reached about 17/18. Now, as adults in their early twenties they live not too far from each other and go to the pub once a week together and are very supportive of one another.

TheClawDecides · 30/08/2024 16:24

It's not like she hates her or they've had a massive falling out, so I'm also in the suck it up camp.

This sort of thing is part of life. I wasn't keen on one or two of my cousins but I wasn't allowed to be rude or ignore them when they came to visit.

Original poster
Rubyandscarlett · 30/08/2024 16:25

Thanks everyone - l think DD is just getting fed up of this child texting her constantly and suffocating her a bit so the thought of a whole day with her after the first week back at school isn't very appealing.

I agree the onus is on me to entertain the child not DD even though they are nearly teenagers and DD doesn't usually need this.

l think l will take them to the cinema them for a milkshake or something to hurry the time along.

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
Kingoftheroad · 30/08/2024 16:35

Poor wee soul must be desperate to make friends. I’d would tell my child to be nice and be kind its a one off.

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