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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Easily able to cut people off?

12 replies

Expatfamily · 30/08/2024 13:47

I moved to where we live 5 years ago. It just happens that an extended member of the family lives around the corner. At first it was fun to build a relationship but it soon became a drain/nightmare. All he would do would spend 100% of the time talking, help himself to our booze (we actually had to hide the contents of our alcohol cupboard upstairs), turn up after the local pub closed and stay until the early hours during the week. Even cold sober he was incredibly selfish, self entitled and a user. He got the arse with DH a couple of years ago and stopped coming over. It was bliss and I’m not sure why I put up with it for so long.

He’s been trying to make amends with us/me. He’s apologised for falling out with us and says he misses me over text. I don’t want to be rude/be confrontational but all I can think is ‘it’s been bliss since he’s not been in our lives, apart from sharing some DNA we have nothing else in common’. I think I’m going to send some sort of ‘no hard feelings… all the best!’

Same with a friend, she just ghosted me one day/deleted me from SM. After a year she reached out to apologise, explained that I had pissed her off but in reflection she had massively over reacted/wasn’t really my fault and she’d like to be friends again. Again all I could think was that I had zero interest in relighting the friendship as she wasn’t the greatest friend before the ghosting and life had moved on.

It’s not just these two situations either, I can think of two others which are fairly similar. DH says I’m stubborn but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m wondering if this is normal/am I bit too cold hearted? It seems to be when people fall out with me (honestly 99% of my relationships are drama free!) and after healing from it, I just become over it even with an apology. I just feel like a bad person.

Am I a cold-hearted/mean person?

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 30/08/2024 13:52

I am exactly the same as you. I find it easy to cut people out of my life if they have harmed me in any way.

I consider it self preservation rather than selfishness.

Olika · 30/08/2024 13:55

I am the same. I just ignore them.

AgnesX · 30/08/2024 13:58

Intrinsically I'm lazy and can't be bothered with any drama. I'm easy going (mostly) and make an effort to be kind and not offend but if people take the hump I tend to leave them to it.

AsYouWiiiiiiiiiiiiish · 30/08/2024 14:01

Life is too short and I just can't be bothered with most people.

If they consistently annoy me/hurt me/be inconsiderate etc then I'll just move on and be done.

I am stubborn, but I don't see it as a bad thing 😅

Hoplolly · 30/08/2024 14:02

I find it incredibly easy to cut people off or just move on from a friendship. I've had a few extremely close friendships of 10+ years end over the past 5 years for minor reasons on their part, and in one case I don't even know the reason but I'm not about to go chasing after people so if they don't want to be in my life, so be it. I just move on. My DH says I am cold. So what!

EscapingTheseFeelings · 30/08/2024 14:04

I’m the same, although I wasn’t always like it. It took a lot of hurt from people to reach this point.
Its like my brain can now just draw a line under them. Once I reach that level I can’t go back. It doesn’t matter who the person is (family, friend etc) my brain processes it like the end of a romantic relationship. It’s just over.

Aladdinscarpet · 30/08/2024 14:05

It isn’t my best trait but it isn’t my worst trait. I move on too. I am very warm and open with people but if they over a period of time behave in ways that sets off alarms for me I eventually reach a limit and then I’m done. Someone on here a while ago mentioned a thing about an INFJ personality type where they door slam. It describes me to a tee.

PolkaDotPenquin · 30/08/2024 14:22

Yes very easily but not as dramatic as yours. Flakey friends who are too much work, late all the time, cancel etc. I have just stopped chasing them and the friendships have ended. Sometimes I bump into them and they lament how they never see me! I keep it light and tell them to give me a call. But of course they never do!

cleanasawhistle · 30/08/2024 14:38

I am the same...never used to be.
Too many years of being a people pleaser, being walked over and used has toughened me up.

First signs of drama,overstepping boundaries ,being too needy ,any red flags and I am off.

Realising a couple of years ago that I am actually an introvert so my time is precious,refuse to spend it with the wrong people.

EmeraldRoulette · 30/08/2024 14:48

@Expatfamily you aren’t cutting them off though

the family member is clearly problematic

the “friend” who ghosted -seems like an epidemic of ghosting for no reason and this sounds like no reason? Why couldn’t she have just talked to you?

No wonder you don’t want to engage. It’s not like these people have treated you well.

FawnDrench · 30/08/2024 14:52

You're not cold-hearted, just sensible and pragmatic.
Why on earth would anyone want to rekindle relationships which are mainly negative and bring them no positivity?
Bollocks to that.

Carry on as you are.

hopefulnothelpful · 30/08/2024 15:00

If someone leaves your life and you don’t miss them, that tells you all you need to know!

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