Bitchy people are everywhere! How to cope?

[malificent7]

The workplace, the family, school, online, people putting others down to struugle for dominance. Cannot be too specific right now but how do you all cope with:
Gossip, backstabbing, sneering, people taking delight in others' misfortunes?
Am I just really unlucky?
It makes me want to be a hermit!
I'm not saying im perfect btw but just yuck!

I’m with you, I genuinely think tv and social media have made people a far more bitchy, gossipy, arrogant and superior and self absorbed population generally.

People are not one dimensional. We are all capable of being both nasty and nice, so the person who has said something that's offended you on FB may in other contexts be kind and decent. It's also subjective. What one person considers nasty another might see as a frank expression of views. Obviously there are some people who aren't very pleasant a lot of the time, so you minimise contact with them and don't dwell on the things they say. Absolutely no reason to be getting upset about a random on SM for one thing. Family and friends are different and it really boils down to weighing up whether there's more good than bad.

I find fun in treating them as spectacle, just give them opportunity to say their nutty crap which I listen to politely & later regale in repeated stories to others ("wasn't that bonkers?!")

It's partly down to the economy. Lots of people are struggling. Less hope, less enthusiasm, less choices. Not much to look forward to when you're at the bottom of the pile.

I'm now a much more private person than I used to be. I share very little with people, not on social media etc. Women especially are judged for everything, even by friends and family. I just try and remember that whatever I do or whatever happens someone will always take an issue in one way or another so I just do what I want and through practice I now no longer care what anyone thinks. I know the truth and that's all that matters. I generally think people who bitch and gossip are unhappy or insecure

Just take some positive energy with you and throw out some compliments. Many people aren’t showing their best side at the moment so it’s all the more reason to bring in some kindness

I keep my circle small, keep my private life private and don’t take criticism from people I wouldn’t go to for advice.
I grey rock gossipers with non committal responses, they soon learn I’m not going to join in and stop doing it.
I also meet people where they are at - not everyone has the time, desire or capacity to be a ‘best friend’ and that’s ok.
I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own company which means I have less need of acquaintances.
I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve been in ages and hardly ever feel loneliness or FOMO. Try it 😊

Cannot be too specific right now but how do you all cope with:
Gossip, backstabbing, sneering, people taking delight in others' misfortunes?

Ignore gossip and backstabbing, if someone behaves like this repeatedly just don't suffer them, cut them out of your life.

don't get overinvested in other people, full stop. Definitely don't get involved in any online spats, it's hours and hours of your life you'll never get back and very often they deliberately say outrageous things for the attention-seeking.

be prepared to walk away, without explanation, discussion or justification.

aspire to be Billy-NoMates, it's a gratifying experience

I'm not surrounded by bitchy people

I think to some degree, you can choose whether to engage with this. If I heard people bitching about eg a neighbour, I'd probably say "sorry that's your experience, she's always been fine with me" or change the subject or walk away

Yes just about out the other side of this weeks defamatory drama in which I found out I'd been accused of something dishonest and got disqualified at a sports event. I wasn't (of course) I've got that corrected and in the process of ensuring that everyone who needs to know what's happened does and that they know the results have been reinstated. Some people are just awful, it makes me wonder what's happened to them in their lives to make them this way...

I’m in a popular (and busy) British seaside resort right now and apart from the ever predictable dickhead dog owners, we’ve briefly spoken to lots of people who were all nice. Surprisingly I’ve had lovely interactions with young people (early 20s - separate individuals) in passing, which shocks the hell out of me because as a fat middle aged woman I’m usually totally invisible.

I think if you want to see non-bitchy interactions perhaps get out in the world and speak to people in different walks of life and different generations. Also - I know it sounds trite but be the change you want to see. I find if you model open, smiley communication, it gets mirrored back. And if it doesn’t, walk away and shine your light elsewhere.

Just throwing it out there but sometimes when you believe everyone is else is an arsehole... there's one common denominator.

I find that all people can normally be good and bad, depending on the situation. Give them the chance to be good.

I second @Min133 and @Ineedanewsofa

Honestly, people have always been bitchyand gossipped. Its just technology means its more in your face now and more likely to know its happening. Which makes it more socially acceptable. I went to an all girls school in the 1990's. I think we were far bitchier than my 16 year old and her friends today.

Good post.

I think this is mindset.

I worked in what what would be considered a ‘bitchy’ industry. Most people were lovely and l made friends for life. I haven’t met many bitchy people in my life.

l avoid those that l may encounter. But mostly I’ve found people to be kind and supportive.

Gossip is in our nature:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr06/bonding
I know lots of people who like to think they are morally superior and dont gossip. They do, just when it suits them.
However, there's gossip and then then there's being malicious and nasty.

A lot of people do it because of insecurity. Some people are just inherently nasty.

The best thing you can do for your own well-being is accept you cannot change how or what someone thinks. Give it no headspace and ignore. I appreciate this is very hard to
do, it took me a long time to not care so much what others think but I certainly feel better for it.

Gossipers who delight in shit stirring - don’t engage, shut them down, don’t breed the toxicity.

For generally bitchy people I take great pleasure in being overly nice and smiley with them - they hate it and it’s very satisfying 😁

I can't say I feel it, people I know have their good and bad points like everyone else it all feels just normal really

I cope by completely disengaging with the world however then I realise that I’m a bit bitchy, dramatic and in need of improvement myself so currently taking the time to work on my own failings. Sometimes it helps to focus on yourself and ignore the outside world.

Thank you. A very weird afternoon at work has upset me a week later. Lots of schoool girl behaviour.

I’m something of a hermit. Also, I smile at people when I do venture out. Generally, they smile back.

Only have a couple of friends. Decades long friendships and we trust each other. No SM (this is the only forum I look at). Works for me.