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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think “Make friends with your enemies” is too much of a faff?

6 replies

Tiredandconfused23 · 29/08/2024 23:50

I caught up with a friend recently. A couple of years back she and I left a hobby group, along with a number of others, after the culture became quite toxic. I joined another group which proved to be much healthier and, whilst I keep in touch with the odd person I got along with, haven’t given it much consideration since.

My friend, however, has been posting on the group community page, and, despite there being no attempts to make up or acknowledge what went down, is back interacting with the same people who previously were reducing her to tears.

When I asked why she bothered, given her experience, she told me she had a philosophy of “making friends with your enemies” - and that I shouldn’t bear grudges. Truth be told, I’m happy to live and let live, and to agree to disagree - but I feel I’ve better things to do than go out of my way to maintain a pleasant relationship, if someone’s been shitty, will keep on being shitty and shown they’re not the least bit sorry?

The phrase “I know where I’m not wanted” springs to mind.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BabaYetu · 29/08/2024 23:55

As long as you are both happy with your choices, isn’t that ok?

Prawncow · 29/08/2024 23:57

It doesn’t sound like you ‘bear grudges’, it just sounds like you’ve moved on and don’t give them a second thought. You do things your way and she does things her way.

<whispers>
your way is better!

Opine · 29/08/2024 23:57

I’ve forgiven/moved on from many unhealthy interactions & relationships but there’s no need to be friends. What’s the point?

I have a friend who does this and it’s really because she just can’t stand not to be liked. Even by people she doesn’t even like herself.

Once I see certain traits in people a relationship becomes untenable. Not foes but not friends.

Sugarsugarahhoneyhoney · 29/08/2024 23:57

Best to forget and move on.

Tiredandconfused23 · 30/08/2024 00:01

@Prawncow 😁

I don’t understand her choice, but I’m happy for her to make it, if it makes her happy.

However she’s not happy with my choice and thinks it shows I’m not moving on.

OP posts:
Prawncow · 30/08/2024 00:10

We have a finite amount of time. Why waste it spending time with people you don’t respect or like?

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