To wonder if you would have gone out?

[howdoievenexplainthis]

There's been a lot of tension and passive aggressiveness between DP and I since the beginning of the week. We have a young DC who we simply cannot communicate in front of for more than a minute or so because she will start acting up, so we've been unable to speak about the issue(s) during the day. DP has also been working the last two days (finishes at 11pm) and I've been staying with family, so having a conversation after DC's bed time also hasn't been an option. DC was on course for an extra early bed time tonight due to skipping her nap, and DP decided at 6pm that he was going to football 8-10pm "because he fancied it". I reminded him that DC would be in bed early and he just shrugged.

I'm sure I'll get told IABU for not directly cornering him and saying "shall we take the opportunity to talk about things", but AIBU to think he should want to prioritise clearing the air rather than going to football?

I think if it was his only opportunity to do football you’re being unreasonable. Maybe he thought he’d feel better and more able to talk afterwards.

Nope, he regularly plays for a team on a Friday and even said earlier "I know I don't normally play on a Thursday". Plus I'll be in bed by the time he gets home as I'll have to be up early with DC in the morning.

If there's a bad atmosphere at home, I can see why he'd want to go out.

Stopping him from going to football is only going to ramp up the tension. It doesn’t set the scene for a constructive conversation.

Not realising this suggests you’re only thinking about what you need. Try focusing on what will give the best outcome for the relationship.

Presumably there’ll be time at the weekend to talk.

Hes not a mind reader though.

Sounds like he doesn't fancy another night of tension so he's taking himself out of the situation.

If you want to talk, tell him you want to talk.

If this was heading for a row or a telling off, I’d be running away too. I can still remember one evening when our daughter was out and I’d been really looking forward to a relaxing evening and my H chose that opportunity to have a good go at me. Ruined my one chance of a relaxing evening for ages.

Given the choice of staying home for a 'chat' or going out, I'd probably choose to go out too.

I don't blame you for being pissed off that he's prioritising his own peace of mind over yours and your relationship. All the men's PPs' replies above show you that he was deliberately evading an evening with you.

As you've only had a week of grumpiness and it's Friday, I hope you get some time together to reconnect over the weekend.

I'm not a man but I too would've probably evaded in this instance; who wouldn't? Unless told: hi, shall we chat? like an adult.

I'm guessing he doesn't want to discuss whatever the issue is. Which in itself isn't particularly surprising if it could be contentious or difficult or emotional.
When he's at football have a chat with a mate or close family member, have a relaxing bath, get yourself your favourite takeaway, watch a movie and have a relaxing evening doing whatever you like. (As much as possible of course) But take advantage of the fact your kid will be in bed and DH is out of the house.
Then when you've both had a nice evening hopefully your discussion will go more smoothly. But maybe leave it till the next day if you'll both be tired.

I wasn't trying to stop him (I've never stopped him doing anything despite any consequences that has for me; that is part of the problem), and that's why I didn't explicitly ask him whether we could talk instead of him going. But no, the weekend will bring no additional opportunity to talk as we're working. As he's playing football again tonight, I'll continue into next week.