A mom in need please

[Vittoria123]

Hi I have been lurking here for a while
I have an 18 months old who can say 75 words , can distal pointing , waved and claps , does a lot of pretend play , has always brought us toys / books etc , follow commands , always answer to her name and stops when she misbehaves. She is also a good sleeper ( can put herself to sleep after the bottle ) and very affectionate, a bit wilful though . She imitates everything . She has good joint attention and always look where I am pointing if not tired . She always holds my hand outside and we are in that “phase “ of stranger - danger . Plus she eats very well and everything .
I am concerned though , she never points to indicate what she wants but always reaches out and if she can’t she looks at me for help . I know it is a big red flags and compounded with the fact that she does a bit of stimming / self regulation when tired ( she tense up her whole body ) I am aware that we are looking at a possible diagnosis .
She is very verbal with clear words that uses in appropriate contexts but sometimes uses echolalia .
Any of you parents with a quirky toddler ? ☺️ I also feel extremely alone as no ONE in my family thinks she has autism .

I've worked with autistic children for years and none of what you have described would make me think possible autism. She sounds completely normal if not above expectations for her age. Try and just enjoy your daughter and stop worrying.

Even if she is autistic, it's not the end of the world.
Why are you worried?

None of that sounds like autism in my experience besides the stimming, which on its own could be due to something else or just something she does? 75 words at 18 months is v advanced

She sounds like a bright and alert baby. I wouldn’t be reaching towards a diagnosis at this point.

I agree with all the pp nothing that you're describing says asd to me

I have 3 DDs - two are NT and one has ASC. Nothing you’ve said screams ND to me .

You sound incredibly anxious about an ASD diagnosis. Your daughter is who she is. You can't change whether she has ASD or not.

Don't remember my daughter (now 2) really pointing to things she wanted so wouldn't say this is a sign of anything.

I can see you’ve looked at a big list of autism red flags and ticked off all the things that don’t apply to her. That’s totally understandable of course.

HOWEVER if I had a pound for every older child who presents with big autism red flags, only for a parent to say Oh no, absolutely no way they’re autistic, they make eye contact / are social / outgoing / verbal etc etc.

I have two autistic kids aged 9 and 13 and now know it’s never as simple as that. I had one speech delayed kid and one quite precocious talker, for example.

I’m surprised that two quite minor things have you thinking these are big red flags pointing at a future diagnosis though. What makes you think that?

I knew my eldest (the precocious talker) was a bit odd before she even turned one, but I honestly didn’t twig that it was autism until she was nearly 8yo. I don’t think the things you’ve mentioned are very concerning at all.

Many thanks for your reply ( which was very kind and understanding) . To be honest , I myself not even sure . I took her to a private PED , gp , HV and have been told that there are no concerns . With regards to the stimming the PED said that it is totally normal for babies and toddlers to stim to a degree as long as it doesn’t impact on their life / activities . I know I sound anxious but I am not trying to change her , i am just trying to navigate these uncharted waters . No one in my family supports me ( my parents are both doctors ) . Do you mind me asking am how your kids are doing now ? Any particular struggles with the system / schools or , more importantly, with themselves? ☺️

So a paediatrician, GP, HV and your 2 medically qualified parents have all told you there is nothing to be worried about. Why are you so convinced they’re all wrong?

Your daughter sounds like a lovely, chatty toddler. Please just enjoy who she is instead of chasing some diagnosis that no-one else thinks applies to her.

No one in my family supports me ( my parents are both doctors ) . Do you mind me asking am how your kids are doing now ? Any particular struggles with the system / schools or , more importantly, with themselves? ☺️

I understand this totally. No one supported me either 😂 Well, my younger child (a boy) presented more typically, but my eldest (a girl) presented in a much more subtle way, to the extent that even my husband thought it would be terrible to “label” her.

Fast forward a few years and she’s now at a grammar school where, for the first time ever, it’s being acknowledged that you can be academically able AND need a bit of scaffolding at school. She’s been thriving. Life isn’t all rosy of course but she really understands who she is, doesn’t care about being different/not fitting in with the mainstream and advocates for her needs so well it blows my mind.

My son is also quite a high flyer so I’m hoping he can go to a grammar too. It just makes such a difference to have SEN in a school that’s able to support you because it isn’t overwhelmed with a wide range of learning and behavioural needs IYSWIM.

Sometimes you just have a gut feeling that something is up even though no one else can see it. Sometimes it’s unfounded anxiety, sometimes it isn’t.

With my daughter, no red flags were raised with any HV, preschool teacher, primary school teacher (from Reception to Year 4) and yet she was autistic all along. Even the head thought I was bonkers, but admitted by Year 6 “I can see it now” 😅

Right now none of what you describe suggests ASD. However both my older children passed their 1/2 year checks without much being flagged, by aged 3 it was highly evident my second was showing very typical traits of autism. Because ASD is a social/communication delay, for a child presenting as currently developing as expected then there wouldn’t be any concerns from health practitioners. You can’t make them see what you think you see right now. It’s simply a waiting game, once in nursery or school if there are any concerns from those spending more than a 15 minute appointment with her then it will be picked up.

Is there a reason why you think your daughter has autism? Do you believe there’s a familial link from you or your husband?

Hi ☺️
to be honest it is am just a feeling and there are a few signs but then again at 18 months no one can say for sure I guess . She still hasn’t mastered the spoon , not brilliant socially , she says hi and bye to kids and people but nothing more . She also tenses up when excited or upset .

It doesn't sound like autism to me but autism is a huge spectrum and can be very disabling to some people .

She sounds like she doing really well but if you have concerns speak to your health visitor.

OP, everybody has told you that there are no indications that your child is autistic. You have taken her to numerous professionals and they have ALL told you that there isn't any cause for concern. The reason nobody in your family is 'supporting you' with pursuing an autism diagnosis is because there is no indication whatsoever that your child has autism.

There is something going on here that isn't quite normal, and I don't think it's your child. You sound like you have a very strong and entirely irrational obsession with the idea that your child is autistic, with absolutely no evidence. It's hard to tell whether you have a fear that she will be autistic, or whether you actually want her to be autistic, but I don't think your obsession is healthy either way and I think you need to seek some help to deal with your anxiety rather than obsessing over your completely normal toddler like this.

OP I had to reread your post because I thought I missed something. I think you've added 2 and 2 and come up with 7. Nothing you say indicates autism to me, my 2 diagnosed DS were completely different with no common red flags, and I work with young kids too so constantly on the look out. Not that I'm an expert in it, just saying I've been around many young children with autism and nothing you describe sounds concerning.

Two things. First she is too young for a diagnosis anyway so there is nothing gained by your worrying and second whether she does or doesn't have autism or any ND, there is nothing you can do to change it. So do nothing. Stop counting her words and looking for red flags. Don't Google. Enjoy her, she sounds delightful. When she turns 3 if she isn't meeting milestones then you have something to be concerned about.

She sounds completely normal.

I don't know why you're so hyperfocused on autism. Do you have any idea where this interest has come from? Your child sounds absolutely normal. Nothing needs to be done to "fix" her, just carry on parenting her as you have been doing and enjoy your time with your child.

My ds pointed to lights and said "look lights" at 18 months.

That's about all he did and said.

He is autistic.

The pointing and not pointing alone isn't a red flag.

Neither is self stimming which many toddlers do.

Try not to worry. Doesn't sound like any medical practitioners have concerns. Do you have a 2year check up?