Do I ask again for a refund? Not as advertised

[Eyelashesoffire]

Quite happy to be told I'm bu, one less job to do!

DS11 went to a football holiday camp. I paid for 3 days, he went on the first day and had such a miserable time we didn't send him back for the last 2 days.

I politely let them know he wasn't coming back, said he was a beginner and at a lower level than the other children his age, which was a bit tricky. I asked for a refund which they politely declined.

In reality he was gutted and I was too as he's just got into football (obviously quite late) and was really trying to improve. It's not been great for his confidence, especially going to secondary next week. Which I know isn't really relevant for their t&c.

Their t&c say they need 48 hrs notice for cancellations so no refund of the £50. Part of me accepts this but part of me thinks that they advertise this camp for all abilities Inc beginners but they're not catering or arranging activities so that beginners feel any sense of success or improvement. Or indeed any enjoyment. So not as advertised.

Would you ask for a refund?
Aibu - no, suck it up
Yanbu - ask again for a refund

Just because he was lower than the other kids doesn't mean they didn't cater for him though. Did he just not enjoy himself as he was comparing himself? Or was there actually nothing there for him to do?

@IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername Good question - technically I doubt he was doing nothing all day, he came back looking pretty hot and sweaty! I think you could definitely argue some of his unhappiness was comparing himself. I think no-one spoke to him all day and just shouted at him when he messed up. Which isn't much fun for anyone. I think I'm probably bu.

This makes me sad. I hate the thought of a kid trying to pick up a new skill and having their confidence knocked! I hope your DS is able to overcome it

I think YABU to ask for a refund though. They had different groups for different abilities. Sports activities can be tough for less sporty kids, especially when they’re grouped by ability, but that’s the nature of it unfortunately.

I think you’ve got a bit of front to ask for a refund in the first place they can hardly resell the space half way through .

@StolenChanel yes you get it, thanks. I didn't send him to be made miserable, they're supposed to build confidence and skills! I've worked with kids for years and you have to adapt things so people feel success! DS been playing with similar level friends in the back garden so he's still enjoying a kick about thank goodness.

I dont think you were unreasonable to ask but I'd have explained to them that no one spoke to him all day and he was shouted at for messing up. You also might just find that that was his interpretation of it. You could spin a positive and use this example to help build his resilience and confidence in being able to do things without others having to be involved.

@IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername yes it's definitely a chance to work on resilience!

I think it’s unreasonable to ask for a refund as you didn’t give them any opportunity to rectify. You could’ve sent him back for day 2 and asked them to make changes more appropriate to his level.

The "shouting at him when he messed up" would be cause for a huge complaint. Presuming he was trying hard, that is awful behaviour. I don't know that there is a legal way to get them to refund you, but I'd certainly be trying to warn other parents not to use them.

@NellGB yes good point, I did consider feeding back and sending him in. But he didn't want me to speak to the coach and to be honest it was so hectic at drop off with about 70 kids arriving, I'm not sure I would have been able to.

I know I'm bu I was just annoyed they couldn't even manage for him to have an ok day when they advertise It for all abilities. It was galling to pay so much money for him to come home so miserable.

@stichguru I'm really hoping it was the other kids! To be honest I accept shouting abuse as part of football (one of the many reasons I hate pretty much everything about football!) I'm wary to go back into another debrief with Ds, so I'm hesitant to double check!

He's gone for one day - and also do you know they shouted at him or was it just a loud PE teacher voice?? Some kids will say the teacher shouted when they just spoke firmly. It's a field they can't whisper.

You haven't given them a chance to rectify it.

You also only paid either £50 for two days - which imo is a bargain.

@stichguru

have you recently met an 11 yo?

their idea of being shouted at makes Mary poppins look like an ogre.

@Eyelashesoffire you should have sent him back. You could have had a word with the people there & told them he's trying his best to improve & needs their encouragement, that he felt shouted at & left out on the first day & you hope he'll have a better day the 2nd day.

you should have told your DS to see how much he could learn the second day & to get involved.

Learning some resilience & 'getting the most' out of a situation will help him with Senior School & life!!

Letting him not go, only teaches him not to face up to challenging situations & to blame others.

& no they don't owe you a refund. You chose not to discuss the situation with them & allow them to rectify the situation.

have a glass of wine & some reflection instead of wasting your time trying to get a refund.

Hope he likes his new school. Year 7's look so small, they change very quickly though!!

@SummerSplashing I have to say normally I would agree wholeheartedly with you and it's certainly how I was raised. However, our situation with DS is a bit more nuanced at the moment, and on reflection we decided on the life lesson that you can give up some shit that makes you unhappy. but I appreciate your point!

I think what I'm taking from the answers is that I hadn't thought about giving them a chance to rectify. Partly this is me avoiding "confrontation" and also not expecting anyone to change anything for me (possibly because I was raised to just get on with it as per @SummerSplashing approach!).

I think if I had to do it again I'd find a mobile number and call them when I got home that afternoon, explain and see what they have to say.

Thanks for the reflections!

Yabu.

I do think 11 is pretty late to be coming to football. Most boys will have been with a club from age 6/7. But that's not to say the coaches shouldn't have included him, but it sounds more like you son just found it hard going? It's an exercise camp, it's going to be tough especially if you're not used to it.

Was this a private business, a community club or one of the bigger football clubs? That makes a difference their outlook and attitude imo.

Football isn't the most nurturing sport for weaker players, it can be very competitive and the boys can be very driven (harsh on each other!) and some of the coaches take kids football pretty seriously. There are 'softer' teams and approaches but they tend to be in the much lower leagues. Perhaps look for a different team for your son? Ask around locally for one that fits his personality. You might need to try a few. At his age they will probably ask his playing experience, his position and ask him to trial.

@Invisimamma yes I agree with what you're saying, DS played football from 3-7 yrs old and DH was a coach so I'm well aware of what football teams are like! COVID put an end to his football team attendance. This was just a holiday club so I was hoping to avoid the worst of the competitive aspect but I don't think you can escape it.

Any ideas on less harsh sports?! I've suggested cricket and golf, both of which got dismissed!

There will certainly be a football team that will make him feel welcome, you just have to find it. My son had a lovely team with the best coaches for years, really looked after the boys as individuals.

My younger son plays basketball and it seems like a nicer sport in general. But he's not been able to break into a team as there's only one in the area and he's just not cutting it ability-wise. It's really tough to see at 9yrs old to be told 'sorry we've only got x number of spaces and there are kids better than you, bye.' So he just has an hour a week of 'fun' basketball skills class for now.

My eldest son tried cross fit for a while but he didn't stick with it, and friends children are into mountain biking.

Look on the bright side, if he was coming back hot and sweaty, he must have been doing something so he might have learned/improved some skills in the time he was there, even though it wasn't enjoyable for him.

Yes I have an 11 year old. One that doesn't much like being shouted at. I NEVER remember him coming home upset because he has been shouted at or made to feel stupid at school or a club, and I am sure that he has improved in many many skills at school and in clubs. Therefore my conclusion would be that it is very very possible to get children to learn and do the right think without making them feel stupid. If you can't do that you should not be working in a job with kids.

@Sethera thanks I like this optimism!

I know some people think kids should be resilient, but I think we should treat each other kindly. Like unless your kids was being silly, he shouldn't be made to feel silly. I presume he is not one that cries at being told he got anything wrong.

@Invisimamma I'd love to find him a welcoming chilled out football club, even just to practise skills. I'll ask around. I'm very glad I don't have to do he weekend matches anymore, not sure I'd like to go back to it!