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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of shit friends?

15 replies

rosafranks · 29/08/2024 14:28

I invited a friend ages ago to an event, I paid for the ticket and made it clear I didn’t expect to be paid back.

Confirmed again on Monday that we were good to go, I even said please don’t feel you have to go as I can sell the tickets. She said she wanted to go.

Now she’s cancelled as she just wants a night at home and now I have less than 24 hours to sell the tickets.

I really just give up on people,

OP posts:
Snowpaw · 29/08/2024 14:32

So shit. I'm sorry.

Similar thing happened to me though. I advertised on FB about anyone wanting to join me and I ended up having a really good night with a friend I hadn't seen for ages, who wanted to come and was free at last minute. Don't give up hope yet.

Maddy70 · 29/08/2024 14:34

Put on facebook that you have a spare ticket as you've been let down by a friend if anyone would like to go with you

Mary46 · 29/08/2024 15:28

Yes op people so flaky now I just dont bother booking stuff now with them..

Tara336 · 29/08/2024 15:36

Few years back I bought and paid for tickets for a concert, friend wanted to go but didn't have the cash up front so I paid and she paid me back. All was fine until a month or so before the concert suddenly couldn't afford it and asked me to pay her back the money she had paid for her ticket and I could get someone else to go. I found someone else to go with and had a great time..recently same friend invited me to something that was a ticketed event I said yes great I'll come... she then said great can you pay for my ticket too I'm short of cash! So I said no sorry I won't do that after my last experience of paying for tickets. Once bitten twice shy.

newfriend05 · 29/08/2024 15:38

@Tara336 your"friend is a CF" OP yep some people are just so shut nowadays

SauviGone · 29/08/2024 15:39

I even said please don’t feel you have to go as I can sell the tickets

She’s taken you at your word.

Yes it’s totally unreasonable that she’s only given you less than 24 hours notice, but once you’d bought the tickets you should have left it at “I’ve bought the tickets, looking forward to it!”.

If I make arrangements with someone I’m locked in for that date and time. I don’t need to be mithered with reminders and reassurance.

I do wonder if the constant “are we still on for Friday” type of messages, that seems to be a thing these days in the build up to meeting up, almost encourages flakiness and makes it easier for people to feel they can drop out last minute.

MeganM3 · 29/08/2024 15:42

Yes. My friends are very flakey and unreliable. It's hard to bother with them. I rarely make plans these days. It's sad. I'm early 30s... my mum has life long friends they always do fun stuff and hang out. And stick to plans unless there's a v good reason.
I'm not sure where I went wrong or if the social landscape has just completely changed.

Stainglasses · 29/08/2024 15:53

I think sometimes people don’t value things if they appear to be free. Just a bit of a psychological insight.

this is different though but I think she must have got the vibe that it was a bit optional.

And I think you may have come across as too easy going about the whole thing.

your friend is still inconsiderate and rude though.

Dreamcatchergirl · 29/08/2024 15:54

Go by yourself or advertise on fb, someone might join you who you haven’t seen in a while and it might be the start of a new friendship.

Don’t pay for people’s ticket in future, I know you were trying to be kind but friend most likely thought well I didn’t pay for it so not losing out if I don’t go. Oh and ditch the friend too

Mary46 · 29/08/2024 16:13

Same megan I dont bother. People non comittal now. I rather go alone to cinema than wonder will they cancel at last minute. God its disheartening. My cousin texted just to get info off me. People sooo flaky now

KateMiskin · 29/08/2024 16:15

I'm not sure where I went wrong or if the social landscape has just completely changed.

In my experience, the social landscape has completely changed. Texting, social media, the pandemic have all made it really easy for people to be flakes and cancel last minute.
I barely make plans with anyone any more.

Original poster
rosafranks · 29/08/2024 16:16

SauviGone · 29/08/2024 15:39

I even said please don’t feel you have to go as I can sell the tickets

She’s taken you at your word.

Yes it’s totally unreasonable that she’s only given you less than 24 hours notice, but once you’d bought the tickets you should have left it at “I’ve bought the tickets, looking forward to it!”.

If I make arrangements with someone I’m locked in for that date and time. I don’t need to be mithered with reminders and reassurance.

I do wonder if the constant “are we still on for Friday” type of messages, that seems to be a thing these days in the build up to meeting up, almost encourages flakiness and makes it easier for people to feel they can drop out last minute.

Edited

This was an on the phone conversation, where I rang her to confirm she definitely wants to come because I can sell them and she said yes (wants to come)

I’m not mithering with reassurances at all.

Anyway I’ve sold the tickets now thankfully, at a £30 loss but better than £100 loss.

OP posts:
KateMiskin · 29/08/2024 16:20

I'd dump this friend. You shouldn't have had to sell them. I hate flakes. If a good excuse, like illness or no babysitter, fine, but not because she changed her mind. It was very kind of you to invite her. No good deed etc etc...

Sparklytoe · 29/08/2024 16:36

It is rubbish when friends disappoint you. I have learned to accept that often people come through your life rather than into it, iyswim. I had what I thought were a good group of friends and they were really good for me and to me for a while, but something changed and that's not now the case, so I've moved on, distanced myself and formed new friendships. It hurt when I realised they were no longer my friends, but they were still valuable while it lasted and my life has developed as a result of having to move on.

It's corny and unlikely to be actually true, but it often does seem that people come into your life at just the right time.

IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername · 29/08/2024 17:31

Shit friend that

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