Not letting neighbourhood kids play inside

[Debbie7171]

My son is 8 and has made friends with a few kids on the street similar age (2 older 1 younger) and they like playing together which is nice because he’s an only child.

We have connecting gardens and my garden is the only one playable due to work being done or no toys etc. The kids play together most days we’re at home in my garden, I’m happy for this. But this then means if anyone needs the loo or they get bored they all then enter my house (4 kids normally including mine).

I’m a clean freak so managing a house with 1 child is easily done. I have however let them in multiple times to play but after it feels as tho I’m cleaning up after a kids party. The kids are nice and polite it’s not like they trash the house but still it’s toys all over, pen marks from colouring on the table, grass trampled in from outside, empty cups just typical kid mess.

So some days in particular if we have plans to go out that afternoon and I don’t have time to tidy up after playing before we leave or if I’ve done a big clean I say no you stay outside or you don’t play. I feel a bit cruel and my son thinks I’m being unreasonable and I feel bad as though I’m not allowing my child in his own house to play. I don’t know either set of the other parents so I’d rather my son not go there not that they’ve ever asked to go to another house.

AIBU to sometimes say no to letting my son play inside with his friends?

I can't believe people would send kids home to use the toilet? Just tell them to take their shoes off if they need a pee and have dirty shoes!

I'd let them in OP. As a previous poster has said, it will be good in the future if you don't want them hanging about the streets.

All the kids round our way are in and out of each others houses all the time.

Not at all unreasonable. We're the host house. I can count on one hand the number of times we go to others but we host at least twice a month. I enjoy it (otherwise wouldn't keen doing it! But sometimes I just don't have enough biscuits in the tin to be dealing with the absolute mayhem of having a multitude of kids emptying the dressing up box, getting all the art supplies out, moving everything from the play kitchen into a totally different room etc...so we have people over and say it's a garden only day. So much less tidy up and the kids have a full afternoon/evening of fresh air. Everyone's been understanding. Win all round.

They do come in to use the loo obvs, but everything else is off limits.

I really think you need to chill out, there are more important things in life than a clean/tidy home. It will pay dividends for you when your child is a teenager and his friends feel welcome in your house, as then they would rather be at your house where you will know where your son is, what he is doing and who he is associating with.

It is better, in a lot of ways, when they play at your house because you know where your dc is and who with. It's good to share the load with the friends' parents because otherwise they'll be taking your kid, and all the mess and noise and giddiness that they bring, without you reciprocating and it won't feel fair.

Yes, it's annoying, having other people's kids in your house but that's part of being a parent. Your dc will remember how it felt to be/not be allowed friends over.

We're the house the kids mates come to and I don't mind, it's not all the time and I get them to tidy up afterwards. They all know where the dishwasher is if they are putting a used glass away, the bin etc! Set your expectations around cleanliness. If it bothers you, ask them to go home to use the loo. I can assure you that kids are not running riot in my house or leaving a mess.

We to are the go to house in fact it was the meeting point for the last five years before school for the eldest and his mates - generally cost me a loaf of bread a day due to toast consumption ! As well as the meeting point after school - again multi pack of cans of pop and snack cupboard which was pointed out to the kids as a cupboard they could help themselves from ! They were always respectful never broke anything but liked a space to hang out and just be left alone - Now they all older teens I miss them being here everyday and the gruff grumble of teenage males emanating from the kitchen / garden / front room - as all off to college etc but i know them all I know about their lives and as a result think stayed really close to my eldest through some tricky times and generally used to end up being sounded out by a lot of his mates about various things at random times . I understand it’s frustrating at times and there where times when I used to think fgs maybe you could go somewhere else but actually I am glad we were the go to house and youngest starting to follow suit and I am glad! - it’s not forever and it can be annoying at times but also rewarding and especially when they older important to help maintain that open dialogue that disappears so fast as they grow !

It would be nice of you to do that little bit of extra tidying so that your son has people to play with during the holidays. They’ll all be back at school this week so you can have your tidy house back.

I had a mom like this growing up. Always told to be outside, not allowed inside with friends, as she had just cleaned. I was in a constant state of anxiety when in the house, about making a mess. Or on the odd occasion a friend was allowed in and made a mess, cleaning it before she saw.
The whole relationship was about what she wanted and I felt she never put my wants/needs first.
Safe to safe we have a cordial relationship now as an adult. I tolerate her like she tolerated me as a child.
Just thought you might appreciate this perspective from someone who, as a child, lived like this.

I am this house on our street too!

But the kids don't come in to play. They come in the kitchen for an ice pop/to put rubbish in the bin/wash their hands/ask for water but that's it. They don't play in the house or use my loo. They go home and use their own facilities.

Mainly because I've an older child with sen who views home as his haven, but also because they're all rather forward, messy, cheeky, argue with each other etc and it's much more easy to manage all that in my garden.

There's lots of toys and they all enjoy it. I like being that house and it's lovely for my youngest as he doesn't have a sibling that's close in age to him. But I'm not a free childcare facility and don't need the extra housework. I'm not overly houseproud either, I'm just not a pushover. 🤷

Absolutely. This is all very reasonable, balanced, empathic and rather heartening.

Are you sure you're on the right site?

I’m one if the few parents in my estate who allow children in . Only if weather is bad and for a prolonged time. I’ve become stricter after finding an 11 year old on my bed whilst my 8 year old was playing in his own room. I felt so violated!

i don’t think you’re unreasonable at all

I would see if they can alternate houses to reduce tidying up every day, but my view is it's a home, not a museum. My kids will be leaving for Uni soon, but hope they can look back and have found memories of home.

Just firmly but friendly, say no. You don't need to give a reason, just gently direct them home for toilet or snacks. If you want to, just say you've just tidied up and don't have time to do it again.
Tell your son that if his friends are coming to play inside then we have to arrange a playdate, as we might be busy doing other things so it's not convenient.
You don't need to be unwelcoming, just set boundaries. When I was a kid we all played outside but wouldn't just bowl into the others houses. Unless invited in for tea or whatever by the parents.