Cheer up, it can’t be that bad!

ncgfryhfdg · 29/08/2024 10:22

I’ve had this b4, on my way to a funeral🤦‍♀️
I know people are probably just trying to be nice, in an arse about tit kind of way but you never know what’s going on in people’s lives…
just a simple smile and “morning/afternoon” is much better!

Rapturous · 29/08/2024 10:26

I had this from a male stranger as I was on my way to visit a close friend dying horribly young in a hospice. I stopped and told him exactly why I didn’t have a smile on my face. I wasn’t nice about it, I suspect he will think twice before saying that again.

Keepingongoing · 29/08/2024 13:39

It was a stupid, insensitive thing to say. I have no idea why people say things like that, it’s like they are policing some unwritten social norm which decrees that you’re supposed to never look sad. It’s totally counterproductive too, because if you’re feeling sad, that comment is likely to make you feel shamed, isolated, and a whole lot sadder.

I suppose it is about their own discomfort with pain or sadness, but it’s hard to be on the receiving end. In your circumstances it’s completely understandable that you feel fragile and low. Sorry for the loss you’ve experienced.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/08/2024 13:43

I resent other people deciding what emotion I should be feeling.

Had a guy tell me to cheer up, it couldn't be that bad etc in the pharmacy. Well there's every chance there's something wrong, I'm in a pharmacy adjacent to the Drs!

EscapingTheseFeelings · 29/08/2024 13:52

I had this when a young work colleague died. I was told ‘cheer up’ by an acquaintance who came through my checkout and then it was backed up with ‘bloody hell everyones like it in here, you all need cheering up, it could be worse, nobody has died’ laughs.

Except they had.

Acquaintance was very embarrassed when I said ‘actually they have’.

Some people don’t think before they speak, it’s quite a thoughtless comment.

Maray1967 · 29/08/2024 13:55

Yes, I’ve had it too. At a bus stop after a checkup after a mc. I told him what had happened to me. He apologised. I hope he never did it to anyone else.

It is truly bizarre that the person who says this hasn’t engaged their brain enough to consider that you’ve had bad news. How is that so difficult to imagine? It happens all the time, unfortunately- illness, bereavement, redundancy, break ups, financial problems etc.

Meadowwild · 29/08/2024 13:57

Rapturous · 29/08/2024 10:26

I had this from a male stranger as I was on my way to visit a close friend dying horribly young in a hospice. I stopped and told him exactly why I didn’t have a smile on my face. I wasn’t nice about it, I suspect he will think twice before saying that again.

I did that too. When some random said that I told him exactly why I looked sad. He was apologetic and did seem to realise it was a stupid thing to say.

OP, I am sorry you are having a horrible time right now. I'd have told the smug cow exactly why I looked so sad. It has to be the most irritating, fatuous, vacuous, invasive, entitled thing a passerby can say to someone. Why does anyone think they have the right to dictate the expression on another person's face when they have no clue what that person is experiencing?

Westfacing · 29/08/2024 13:59

Some random bloke said it to me as I was coming out of a hospital - idiot!

As it was, I wasn't ill or visiting a dying relative but had been on a course there, but he didn't know that, the pillock.

Westfacing · 29/08/2024 14:02

Sorry, forgot to say that I'm sorry you're sad right now - I'm glad you have your lovely dog to take for walks.

Nellieinthebarn · 29/08/2024 14:05

I used to get this a lot as a younger woman, usually from men though, not women. I do accept that I have a major resting bitch face, but how fucking dare they decide my face has the wrong expression for them to look at.

I used to have a stock of very tragic (made up) stories to tell them why I was looking so miserable, it soon shut them up, and hopefully made them think twice about doing it to someone else.

bergamotorange · 29/08/2024 14:10

People who say that are absolute idiots. I console myself by remembering they have to live like that all the time.

If ever anyone says that to me I say 'How would you know how bad it is?' or just give them a hard stare if there's no time.

Really sorry for your awful news

invisiblecat · 29/08/2024 14:11

It's horrible when people do this, isn't it? Talk about foot-in-mouth disease.

I was once walking across a car park to my car and a bloke walking the other way said "Cheer up love, it might never happen". Except I'd just had a phone call five minutes earlier telling me that a family member had just died, which was why I was going home.

WheresMySupportCat · 29/08/2024 14:15

Keepingongoing · 29/08/2024 13:39

It was a stupid, insensitive thing to say. I have no idea why people say things like that, it’s like they are policing some unwritten social norm which decrees that you’re supposed to never look sad. It’s totally counterproductive too, because if you’re feeling sad, that comment is likely to make you feel shamed, isolated, and a whole lot sadder.

I suppose it is about their own discomfort with pain or sadness, but it’s hard to be on the receiving end. In your circumstances it’s completely understandable that you feel fragile and low. Sorry for the loss you’ve experienced.

yes this. People are twats.

I'll never forget the story a a friend of mine told when she was walking from the hospital to the car after her late teen son had died by his own hand. A man said this to her- in a fucking hospital carpark.

She just kept walking and did not respond because she was in zombie state.

TeaGinandFags · 29/08/2024 14:32

That must have felt like a sucker punch

Make your bad news public knowledge. That way people will be more sensitive. Or sensible, as my predictive text wanted.

Let your friends get you drunk and morose so you can go on about what a bastard he was - and he was.

With their support you'll be fine and will smile to see the sun shine. Meanwhile, let doggy love you from her furry little heart and you shall be safe.

He obviously wasn't good enough for you, OP.

LL1991 · 29/08/2024 14:38

Well done for not losing it. I had a particularly bad afternoon in Boots once, I was printing off photos to put, with a letter, in my dad's coffin and a man came to the front till (near the photo printing machine) and complained that the chemist had asked him to take a seat saying it was ageist (he was easily 70). The lady at the front till told him that the chemist was probably just telling him to sit as it may be a long wait for his prescription to be filled. I'm afraid I chipped in to tell him that there were bigger problems in the world and that I'd probably also have told him to sit so he wasn't in the way (not the biggest area of the store but lots of seating). He left shortly after and I just cried right there by the photo machine. I had to explain to the checkout lady what I was there for so she could make sense of it!
Sometimes timing is just not on our side. If she didn't know your situation I wouldn't take it to heart. Surprised a lady said it though, I'd expect comments like that more from an older man.
Sending love xx

Knotaknitter · 29/08/2024 14:43

I'm sorry you have had this shock dropped on you.

I was on the receiving end of "Cheer up love, it might never happen" not long after my husband died. The random bloke on the escalator got away lightly because I could take my time thinking about what to say, he was stuck one step behind me while I stared at him. He'd realised what a mistake he'd made before I opened my mouth, he was apologising before I'd started talking. I was polite but I suspect it will be decades before he says that again.

It's my face, I don't arrange my expression for the delight of others. I am entitled to feel how I feel, even if that is utterly miserable.

LikeWeUsedToBe · 29/08/2024 16:18

It's because you a woman and we should be happy smiley wall flowers!

It drives me mad too! No one says this shit to men

HerewegoagainSS · 29/08/2024 16:19

It is a foul, narcissistic thing to say, on par with ‘it is what it is’.

Hope you feel better soon OP (see it’s not that hard)

Idontjetwashthefucker · 29/08/2024 16:22

I'd just been told my dad had taken his own life, I had to get out of the house after the police had left, I went for a walk, was in tears and yet some bloke spouted "cheer up luv, it might never happen". I'm not ashamed to say I absolutely tore into him, really let rip, told him exactly why I was crying and told him to fuck right off saying that shit to people. Stupidly I thought he might apologise but no

Sirzy · 29/08/2024 16:27

A stranger said it to me once. In the hospital canteen when I had just taken 10 minutes to grab some food leaving 8 week old ds in ITU.

to say it anywhere is bad. To do it in a hospital is just down right stupid.

QuickMember · 29/08/2024 16:32

Whynotmakeittwo · 29/08/2024 10:18

At the weekend my partner of 6 years left me out of the blue. He had been having an affair and just left on Saturday evening. The only thing that has been getting me out of bed the past few days is having to walk my dog. I took her for a walk this morning, I was just minding my own business walking along a field when I bumped into one of my friends parents. She said “cheer up, it can’t be that bad!” As she walked past and I just feel really irritated by it.

it’s probably because I’m feeling fragile right now but why do I need to cheer up?! I’m just walking along, I can look or feel however I want to. It doesn’t affect anyone else. I don’t have to perform for people. But also, what a stupid thing to say! Of course it could be that bad. How does she know I haven’t just been given some bad news or a family member has died or something? Is it me or is this a stupid and insensitive thing to say?

What I love (as in not so much) is that these comments have the opposite effect. It’s like read the room people!

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2024 16:33

Why do some men say this? Why do they think they have the goddamn right to tell women (never other men, is it?) to change their expression to suit them? Drives me nuts, I read it so frequently on here. They’re clueless about what’s going on in a stranger’s life and it’s a crazily ignorant thing to say. 🤬

missdeamenor · 29/08/2024 16:36

I get you 100%. These blanket statements can be harmful. They can make us feel like we need to close down some of our feelings. So annoying when complete strangers say 'smile, it'll never happen'. Makes me want to punch them in the hooter.