I’ve been married for nearly 15 years, we have two children with additional needs. I’ve not been happy in our marriage for the past few years. I’ve tried speaking to my husband about this and he has just buried his head in the sand.
In January he told me that he doesn’t find me as attractive, I put weight on after a car accident and the pain I’m in getting worse after the accident. He also listed other things like my mental health. He said some hurtful things and really upset me. He apologised nearly two weeks later after the first time he said hurtful things. We have barely had sex over the past three years, up until last year it was two years with out. He kept rejecting me so I stopped trying to initiate sex.
we have meant to have been working on our marriage, he said he had been burying his head in the sand. We had another conversation a few months back as I felt things were not improving. I still feel that nothing much has improved, he has just carried on the way he was before. I don’t feel he is there for me emotionally, I’ve been signed off sick from work due to the amount of pain I’m in and my mental health. The other day he asked me how I am when I woke up, I said I was ok. Later on I said that I wasn’t actually ok and his response was what is your mental health team going to do. I’ve tried telling him how I’m feeling in the past but I feel he doesn’t understand. But then he has taken me for my pain clinic appointments and the treatment I had.
he is off work this week and yesterday I ended up doing a lot of the house work and as a result ended up in more pain. He has been doing most of the house work for the last couple of months, but for example he doesn’t see why toilets need cleaning more than once a week, why dusting needs doing. Me and our youngest have asthma and I’ve just had a chest infection. He didn’t offer to help, just said thank you. I understand it’s harder for him when he is working to do the house work but he is the same when he is on annual leave. Up until last year, I used to do most of it. I’ve suggested a cleaner a few times and he says no.
we have a 15ft intex pool in the garden, our son asked if the pool could be filled up at the beginning of the holidays. Normally I would have helped emptied the rain water (been left up and not put away) and cleaned it, filled it and kept it clean. He knows that this is one thing that will get our youngest who has some mental health problems out of his room. I asked about some seeing if someone would help him and they be paid. He said no, on more than one occasion. He said he would sort the pool. Pool still hasn’t been sorted and school holidays nearly over.
on one hand I feel he cares but then I have doubts over this. He knows I’m in pain and over doing it makes it worse. We were going to try and have more time together, children old enough now to be left couple of hours. No family support. I suggested it could be watching a film, playing a board game, going out for a meal. Didn’t need to be expensive. We have been out for a meal, my suggestion, he did book it. Then nothing since, no watching a film etc.
im starting to resent him. When I’ve suggested splitting up, he says no and also he won’t move out.
mortgage is in his name. My credit rating is rubbish and have no where for me and our children to go. I’m so unhappy and its affecting my mental health