That this has unsettled me, TW talking about ‘passing away’

[Love66]

My DD (age 5) has been talking about people ‘passing away’. She said someone at school spoke about pretending that someone had. Now I’m getting concerned as yesterday she said her teddy was poorly and she was looking after it. Next thing she said ‘mummy, my teddy has passed away’ and then she made a ‘grave’ with pillows and put the teddy under the pillows in a blanket and laid some fake flowers on top. Somehow she knows about graveyards and when we pass graveyards in the car she says that it’s people who have passed away so I think there’s where she got the pillow and fake flowers thing from but in general, I just don’t know where she has got all this from and the teddy thing has unsettled me and I don’t know how to approach it? She is only 5

When my oldest was at forest school nursery they found a baby bird that had died. They made a little grave for it and decorated it with flowers and sang a little song. He asked a lot of questions about death then too (he was 3)

I think it’s good for them to learn about it in a gentle way from early - it’s a big thing to get their head around.

it helped a lot when we had a bereavement in the family and he was asking what to expect from a funeral etc

Very normal to talk about death, my five year old talks about my nan and our cat who both died in the last couple of years quite regularly. They're just figuring it all out as best they can.

Probably best to use 'died' rather than 'passed away' though, children don't really understand euphemisms.

I'll never forget my eldest DD saying "happy birthday Nanna, you are so old now you are almost dead!"

That's really sweet 🥺

When my DD was 8 I got "Mummy, when you die, can I have your jewellery?". I was only 31!!

5 years is when a lot of dc start nattering about death.

Feels normal. Make sure you chat to her about it - all normal, circle of life etc and avoid using euphemisms like "born sleeping" "with angels" etc, to avoid any confusion.
I only say this because a friend had a stillborn baby and she insisted on saying "she's sleeping" and the kid got terrified of falling asleep of an evening

What a lovely, natural way for your DC to process the whole concept of death and its rituals.

Do continue to talk with her openly if she wants to.

A for euphemisms some are better than others. Passing away seems clear to me but I heard a sad story of a child who was afraid to go to sleep because they were told Granny had gone to sleep instead of that she had died.

Ah @NDmumoftwo similar story! Didn't see yours before I posted.

I don't see any reason to be concerned about anything in here?

My child sometimes used to play about people dying too. I was never concerned

I think this is normal. I had forgotten until I saw this thread but my DD and her friends went through a phase of discussing dying a lot at this age too. I remember wondering if I should be worrying about it.

I seriously wouldn't worry Op. As a 7 year old child I was creepy as hell. My 4 cats would bring home dead animals (birds, snakes, mice, rats, lizards) and I gave every single one of them a funeral. I also made headstones out of lolly pop sticks. It took up an 1/8th of the garden. I grew out of creepy, she will be OK.

My almost 5 year old also talks about death - they've discussed it at nursery (dead goldfish I think) and we do at home when discussing our family history. I think it's natural. Although I could do without the 'your mummy DIED, didn't she Mummy?' comments every so often!

I have to admit she freaked me out this morning. I was doing her final ever nursery drop-off, and we looked over at a tree-lined path that we always walk past but have never been down. I said 'as it's our final time at nursery perhaps when I collect you tonight we should walk down that path'.

'Yes let's do that mummy... perhaps that's where people go to die!'

🤔

It's perfectly normal. :) It's a big concept for little kids to get their heads around, and roleplaying their way through big concepts is also a normal way of processing it.

Many years ago, while my mum was very visibly pregnant with me, she attended a 90th birthday party for my dads grandma. Also present at the party was my cousin Peter, who was about 6.
At one point, grandma and my mum were chatting, and grandma said (as only 90 year olds can), very cheerfully, "I better hurry up and die to make room for the new baby!"
Little Peter, who was standing nearby, processed this for a moment, and then shouted across the garden, "Auntie C's baby is killing Grandma!"

After my birth, grandma wrote to my mum and put "I'm pleased to hear that baby OP arrived successfully! And I am still here also! Peter is reportedly also very relieved!"
We still have the letter and grandma lived another 7 years. :)

Ha, my son says that sort of stuff all the time. My dad died last week. He's like
"It's weird how you don't have any parents now" and asking constant questions about exactly what happened.