To make my own plans

[Maidmarrynot]

My kids are going away with their dad for Christmas, which isn’t ideal. I was ok about it though as a friend suggested (in Christmas 2023!) that we should go away together. We were supposed to go to Oz and tour around. We have an old uni friend in Melbourne so was coordinating seeing her a couple of days while we’re there. We’ve been talking about this trip for a year.

We’re both frequent travellers so it isn’t too unusual that we haven’t bedded down the plans yet, but it’s getting close now and for various reasons, we should get it sorted.

Problem is, friend I’m supposed to go with is now being completely non committal and just ignoring my messages about it. She asked me to send her suggested itineraries which I’ve done 1000 times, but crickets. This has been going on for months, which was fine but now we’re really at crunch time.

The weird thing is she chats to me every day about random things, but ignores anything I say about the holiday EXCEPT when I’ve asked her if she’s sure she wants to go, after which she always says yes!

But when I then tell her we need to get going with the bookings, she goes quiet again.

To top it off, a couple of weeks ago, another friend invited me skiing over Christmas, which I’ll very happily do if original friend is going to bail. I’d need to get that booked soon.

Meanwhile Melbourne friend is saying if she doesn’t know our plans soon, she may not be able to meet us (we aren’t planning to go to Melbourne myself, she was supposed to meet us somewhere for a weekend).

I confronted my friend yesterday about it AGAIN and she just said “yes of course I still want to go! I’ll look at the itineraries and tell you by the end of the day”. But no. Nothing! She literally ignores my messages about it.

It’s getting beyond ridiculous now and I’m at a total loss. I can’t keep chasing her. I look insane.

Obviously I’ve checked in that she’s actually ok and she says she is, just busy.

Do I go ahead and just tell her I’m making other plans? I absolutely do not want to go to Oz by myself and I’d much rather take my skiing friend up on her offer if that’s going to be the case.

I guess you have to say that she needs to tell you/book it for definite by such and such otherwise you're going on this other holiday

Falling asleep here (sorry) but it does sound like she’s gotten cold feet and is hoping you’ll not go through. It could be cost, commitments or the fact it’s Christmas- maybe someone said they expected her to be here or maybe she just wants a traditional cold one! Sorry op

But it does sound like she's saying yes. Does it need immediately booking or can you just know you're going? Is she known to be flakey?

Oh I'd cancel and go with the skiing friend instead.

I'd say that you've tried to pin her down to book something for so long and she's been so flaky about it that you're worried she'll pull out last minute and you don't want to go alone. Be honest

If she's being a pain in the arse now imagine what she could be like when you're away together.....
Go skiing !

Tell her she needs to commit and make bookings with you within four days (or whatever) or you will pursue your own plans.

I’d go skiing.

Sounds like this friend is trying to keep her options open as to whether to go or not.

Tell the flake immediately that you are now going skiing for Christmas. I would not discuss it again.

I wouldn't even give her a day. That ship has long since sailed.

This, basically. Have you actually travelled with her prior to this?

At this point, I would be TELLING her that I'm going on x dates and she's welcome to join. I wouldn't be asking her anymore. Alternatively, go skiing and tell her now. Some people have a lot of anxiety about travelling, not saying she does, but who knows what is going on for her? Just make your own plans and do your own thing.

We’ve travelled together a ton but never a big trip like this! She definitely doesn’t have anxiety.

I think just say "I need you to actually commit to this trip by Friday at 6pm so we can start booking. If I don't have something set in stone with you by then, then I'll be making other plans." Then stick to that. Can't be doing with wishy washy people like this. Do or do not, stop fucking about.

she might be waiting for a better offer like pp said. either way, she's not actually interested or invested in this trip any more.

I suspect your friend doesn’t really want to go any more, for whatever reason, and hasn’t got the guts to tell you.

So yes, I think if I were you I’d start making my own plans.

I agree. I think it’s this.

“I’m no longer up for the trip to Australia this Christmas, it was clearly too much hassle to get sorted. I’ll be back from Chamoix Jan 3rd, if you fancy a get together in the new year.”

And off to the slopes you go ⛷️

I agree with this. Message and say unless it is firmed up and booked by end of week you are going to make different plans as it’s stressing you out and you don’t want to risk being alone at Christmas.

Book skiing and don't mention it again.
She is really rude and i certainly wouldn't trust her not to let you down.
Apologise to Melbourne friend and tell her that it's best she makes other plans.
I wouldn't ask her again to go away again.

I’d say crickets to it.

Just book the skiing or go by yourself

I would too

just book skiing and don’t say anything

Yes this is what I would do.

I think you are probably off skiing