How do you know if there is something wrong at nursery of if it is just a 'phase'?

[Sadmamatoday]

DS started nursery for two half days at age 2. Loved it instantly, no tears even on the first day. I then increased to 3 days. Over the Christmas break there were many changes (dropped his nap, lots of time with his dad, we went on a short break, toilet training and there were also some staff changes at nursery). When he went back at the end of January he didn't seem to enjoy it anymore and he would cry at drop off, although he did seem to settle once there. He then changed to the older class (3+) in April and was happy for a few months. There have been some small changes at home and we have now been on a short break again (so lots of time with mum and dad), and he has started going 4 longer straight days in a row. Suddenly there are lots of tears. Sometimes he wakes up and asks if he is going and starts to cry. He has good days and bad, but some days he cries as soon as I push his shoes on, for the car journey (10 mins) and when I drop him off. Proper crying. He also now is crying sporadically throughout the day when he is there on occasion. He says he wants to stay home, but can't really communicate to me more than that.

AIBU to think something is wrong and there is a reason he doesn't enjoy it anymore or is this normal behaviour? Thank you in advance, I feel so out of my depth and don't really have anyone that can give me proper advice, seeing him so unhappy is breaking my heart.

Hopeful bump

what hours is he doing? I wonder if he's tired. Nursery is had work. Personally, I'd start showing up at different times during the day and see what's going on

I think my question would be what are the small changes you’re referencing? Babies and toddlers love routine so what might be a small change to you could be massive to them. If you had him in a setting, then pulled him out then put him back in (which I think is what I’ve understood from your post?) that’s a lot of change for a little one. We’ve not had issues at nursery but we’ve kept the same routine even when things have changed at home (DH was made redundant but we kept up nursery even when it wasn’t cost effective to try and maintain routine). If you need the childcare for the four days I’d persevere, speak to his key worker but also not change the schedule again so he starts to get used to the new setup.

DD went through a similar phase at a similar age, crying and fighting me when I dropped her off. The staff always told me she stopped almost immediately thankfully. It only lasted a couple of weeks, so hopefully your child will feel better soon!

This isn’t normal behaviour. A child who is openly fearful of going somewhere needs your help and intervention. I know it’s tough as a working mum but I’d not send him back to nursery until I was satisfied with their care. Either take time off or ask someone you trust to have him for a few days.

Start with a meeting with the nursery manager, stating what you’ve written, and asking what they think is going on. They should be immediately concerned, tell you how he is at nursery and offer to speak to his key worker. You should get a clear sense that they know your DS as an individual and respond to his needs. Any good nursery will be able to put in place clear actions to help him feel more secure and confident at nursery.

If the meeting isn’t positive, be ready to arrange alternative care.

A similar situation happened with my 2 year old DD. I needed full time care for her but she was distressed at her nursery. Not getting any help from staff or management, I took time off work and sourced somewhere else, further away and more expensive but she immediately settled and was truly loved by the staff.

@Namenamchange He is doing Mon-Thu 9-3, I have been thinking perhaps to give him the Wednesday off instead so he has a break in the middle of the week
@Willowlamp he is very used to routine, and feel as he is getting older he is not responding well to changes. The changes he has had I do think are big changes for him so perhaps this is the underlying issue.
@Honeysuckle16 The staff are being really good, one teacher in particular who has become very fond of and they are working to build his resilience. I just don't know how long I should give it

Thank you so much everyone, I am really worried. The main issue is he has a best friend there (he has known this child since he was about 6 months old). After a two week break, that child was absent that day and he was very upset. One of the teachers suggested he was too attached and so they have started to work at separating them which I do think is necessary as he can't be dependent on this other little boy. The thing is it only seems to be at nursery, as he easily makes friends elsewhere and plays with other children, so it makes me wonder if he doesn't actually like the nursery anymore and its only his best friend who is making him happy there.

I am wondering if I should try another place, but worried he may also not like another place so then I am stuck and it is yet another major change.

Towards the end of last year when he stopped napping he became more clingy towards me and I would say probably started to go through some separation anxiety. This seemed to improve, but seems to have been 'triggered' by the nursey break, changing to four straight days as well as his friend not being there that day when he is always there. I now think as the teachers are working to separate them that is now making him unhappy in general.