More of a WWYD

[Sockmate123]

I don't know where this fits best and AIBU seems to get the most traffic....

It's more of a WWYD. I have one sister. I do alot with my Mum who is a widow. She hasn't many friends as she sadly lost both close friends in last 18 months. I take her off places, go away for weekends..my sister does none of this. That's fine but they keep things from me absolutely random inconsequential things.

Today, it came to light that they kept another thing from me, my mother claims not to know but I know she is lying. She just replied to my messages saying she's going to bed and she has more important things on her mind, which is true, as do I..she is guilt tripping me now saying she has upset tummy over all this today (my fault apparently for bringing it up). She keeps deflecting when I keep asking her to just be honest and say my sister asked her not to say this information.

She just keeps saying she's too stressed to deal with this and she's going to bed.

How would you deal with this with them lying/omitting information constantly and then claiming they didn't lie/keep things from me and sure it doesn't matter anyway etc

My level of trust with them is on the floor. It has been for years with my sister but I thought I could trust my Mother. I really value honesty and find it really shitty that they are behaving this way.

Apart from going no or low contact wwyd? I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this behaviour...

Does it matter if this info isn't known by you? If not I'd just ignore it.

But the easiest way to improve things might be to dial it back a bit as it sounds like things are not working well. Leave a bit more time between meetings, to give yourself time to relax.

No it's not hugely significant but it's not anything that should be a secret. It's kind of irrelevant what it is, more that it's a constant pattern of this all the time. It can be silly things to lying about huge things. To me it's the lies generally. I feel I can't trust either of them and when I broach it I get passive aggressive replies or frozen out.
I sent my Mum a message saying how upset I am. She has read it and ignored it. I can see her and my sister are conversing on WhatsApp as both are online all evening at exactly the same times...I'm just really disappointed at how they treat me.

If it's inconsequential things they aren't telling you about I'm not really sure I see a problem?

Is it that they actively lie about these unimportant things?

There must be more of a backstory to this op, or people aren’t going to understand it. I do kind of know someone with a similar dynamic with a relative. Putting it bluntly the relative is a bit of a twat who likes secrets and gossip. So the person likes to act like they have little secrets and in jokes with each other as that’s the only way they can keep the relationship going. It’s kind of hard to explain and I don’t know if it’s anyway similar to your situation

It's that they lie non stop about bog and little things. Tonight was relatively insignificant but it's the fact they lie about it so easily. I thought they had stopped but no here we go again tonight and neither is admitting they lied, they are deflecting saying they can't talk about this and have headache etc

I feel I cannot trust them at all. I hate being lied to. Constantly.

Yes you're right and sort of what you are explaining there. My sister likes to keep secrets. Whether that be a pregnancy (understandable) or where she bought a top! She will say things to my Mum and say don't say anything to Sockmate123 about this.

If an event is coming up I will send her a photo of a dress I've ordered for eg, she'll tell me she'll send a photo on later of hers, only she never will but will show Mum. Mum then on the day will act like she hasn't already seen this dress. It is stupid things like that to much more serious like keeping massive family secrets to themselves. I just feel constantly excluded, talked about and lied to.
I have expressed this to Mum this evening and she has just left my messages on read. I can see she has been online to my sister over the course of the evening.
Should I just go low contact with them both? We all live very nearby to eachother. Less than a 1km

Just stop giving them power to upset you. Stop including them in your day-to-day if they won’t do the same.

Take your mum out but don’t expect a close relationship.