Finally home, but still feel anxious

[Limonaid]

After growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive home, and later living with housing insecurity for about 15 years, I've managed to buy my first (very modest!) home, and I've just moved in.

I should feel elated, but I feel so overwhelmed - I've existed in a constant state of housing anxiety and stress for most of my life, I'm just always tense - I don't know any other way to be. It's like constant dread and anxiety have just become a constant feature of my personality and life. I still always feel on edge. I know I'm being unreasonable to feel this way, but how can I begin to move on? Any advice appreciated.

Counselling. Your issues are much bigger than a roof over your head.

Congratulations on your new home! I think it will take time for the anxiety to fade but I agree with PP, I would look into counselling. I'm currently reading the Power of Now again to try help deal with my general anxiety, it's about living in the present moment, not sure if it will help you at all, but basically it's about trying to keep pulling yourself into this exact moment where all is well when you are feeling stressed, easier said than done though.

Congratulations on your new home! Have you literally just moved in? I think it's quite common to feel some level of overwhelmed and anxious when you move to a new place. I moved house every couple of years from the ages of 18 - 30 and I think it does take its toll mentally.

When I bought my first home 10 years ago, I remember feeling some excitement at getting the keys then as soon as we opened the door, anxiety took over and I started to worry about everything which needed to be done and the commitment of having a mortgage. I still have a recurring dream sometimes, where I discover there was a mix up and we were actually renting the house and we only have a month to put all the garden and house back to how it was when we moved in!

As PPs have suggested, I'd set the ball rolling and get into some counselling. In the short term, I would focus on getting your living room or bedroom set up how you want it and set aside a free day where you can just do something you enjoy in that space. Reading, watching a film, etc. Write down any worries which come into your head and tell yourself you'll come back to those tomorrow. Think of it as exercising your mind to switch off. Like physical exercise it will take repetition and time to get to where you want to be, but it's very much worth the effort.

I work in social housing. We talk about people moving in and having a 'house' or 'flat'. But we know it takes a longer time to have a 'home'. You're in the first place.

Things you can do to help yourself settle in:

Get counselling for the trauma, because that's what it is.
Get to know your local area. Having a shop, cafe, park that are 'yours' helps.
Settle in gradually. Get to know the place before you do major decorating. Let it speak to you.
Say hello to neighbours. Friendly but not friends to start. Smile at people but don't make friends with the first person who smiles back.

All the very best! <--- housewarming flowers!

And it's the commonest thing in the world to move and then go SHIT! It's culture shock and normal.

Excellent advice from @MrsTerryPratchett. Do find a good therapist, OP. It will be the single best investment you ever make in yourself. And congratulations on your new home. Don’t panic. Nearly everyone has a period of ‘What the fuck did I do?’ after they move in.

What lovely advice @MrsTerryPratchett .

It will get better OP. Took me 6 months to settle in to my place. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all that needs doing.

You’re not in the slightest bit unreasonable @Limonaid Great advice given by @MrsTerryPratchett xx

Congratulations on the purchase of your house, well done! I am familiar with an imposter syndrome. I often used to think that I don't belong/deserve something I got through sheer hard work (and a bit of luck). I am a practicing Buddhist, it helps me with my anxiety immensely. I read a book Buddha in Your Mirror 13 years, starting chanting, never looked back. You can also look at our website SGI-UK.