Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I react to DH becoming unemployed

43 replies

SnoodieLife · 28/08/2024 20:29

DH has been with this company just over two years, he seemed to get on great at first, being trained and signed off as capable of working in different areas etc. However back in February there was one area of work he seemed to struggle with, they gave him an extension to have more time to get to grips with it and I thought he was doing ok until last week he told me he had a meeting with HR and some other people where they said he hasn't made significant progress in this one area so his choices are to leave the company with a settlement payment now or stay on for one more month to try and be signed off on the department he's been struggling with but at the end if he hasn't turned it around he basically leaves with nothing. I honestly didn't know things were that bad and now I'm in a state of shock and not knowing what to do. I'm thinking I'm equal parts angry/upset/panicking but also trying to stay positive in thinking things will be ok (probably naive but I'm trying to not stress too much) I work but only a small part time job which I'm currently on maternity leave from as I'm heavily pregnant 😔 how could he let things get this bad at such a time

OP posts:
Solent123 · 28/08/2024 20:31

It might not be his fault - maybe they haven't trained him well enough in this area, but it does sound like they have made their minds up. How many months worth of expenses will the settlement cover?

Thegiantofillinois · 28/08/2024 20:31

He gets himself to an agency tomorrow and gets himself some work. Any work. Anywhere. This happened to dh. He was working in a factory the following week. He's did 8 months, I think. He's now in a similar role to the one he lost. It's less money, but better overall.

MidnightPatrol · 28/08/2024 20:33

You should be empathetic.

Companies make people redundant for lots of reasons - making it ‘his fault’ sounds unfair given the circumstances. He’s probably very upset.

You should support him in the period to try and turn things round (is it something you can find outside help with?), and if he loses the job help him find others. It might be worth looking at alternatives now if the writing is on the wall.

PragmaticWench · 28/08/2024 20:35

At least having been there over two years he should have more rights. It might be worth calling ACAS to discuss his options and if the company are following legal procedure.

BCBird · 28/08/2024 20:36

Whilst I.understand you are worried about money, anger is the last emotion I would think.is justified. He may gave been jn denial or decided not to.say anything to avoid causing you distress. Support him.

Definitelylivedin · 28/08/2024 20:39

How do you react? With empathy and support like any loving partner.

Acas is only worth considering if the payment being offered is very low.

I agree with PP about agency work asap.

Original poster
SnoodieLife · 28/08/2024 20:39

I haven't reacted angrily to him, I could tell he's really upset and shaken about this I just feel like we had finally got everything sorted for before baby comes and then this just comes along to smack us in the side of the face 😞 it's been a stressful pregnancy already and I just didn't want anything else to happen but here we are. I told him we will deal with it, these things happen etc. I think I'm still just in shock tbh, even his supervisor was shocked at their decision.

OP posts:
ComfyBoobs · 28/08/2024 20:40

How would you like him to react if you lost your job?

Original poster
SnoodieLife · 28/08/2024 20:43

I think the anger part I'm feeling isn't necessarily directed at him more at just the situation, we've had a lot of struggles over a few months and just when it felt like things had settled, this has happened. I will of course support him and encourage him that things will be ok I just can't help but be worried about our future right now

OP posts:
Original poster
SnoodieLife · 28/08/2024 20:44

ComfyBoobs · 28/08/2024 20:40

How would you like him to react if you lost your job?

Your right, I'd want him to reassure me and be on my side.

OP posts:
DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 28/08/2024 20:45

I’d imagine he’s feeling particularly shit about it if he’s carrying the can financially because you only work a ‘small part-time job’.

What kind of work is he in? Does he have qualifications? Is there demand for his skills? That would all determine for me whether he should take the settlement or fight it, with ACAS or his union supporting.

Do you have savings? This kind of rainy day is what they are for. Could you maybe go back to work earlier than planned? Not ideal but needs must.

stayathomer · 28/08/2024 20:47

It is horrible to not be able to get to grips with something in work and have people saying ‘get there’. Hope things work out for you both and he finds something that suits him better

Hectorscalling · 28/08/2024 20:51

What sort of work does he do?

How much is the pay off? And what percentage of his yearly salary would it be?

It sounds very strange that he hasn’t got to grips with it in two years. I am not judging him, but I don’t understand if this part is so integral to his role, they haven’t don’t anything about this before.

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 20:52

Companies will often have several new hires on the go to train up with the unstated but very real intention of keeping whoever they like the most. The “not getting it” and “not working out” is code for of the two, three or four we hired, we like the other guy/someone else more than you, so bye bye we wish you well, it’s too bad really because you’re such a nice person.

I doubt your DH did anything other than lose a popularity contest.
He just needs to start applying for a new job, and not let it hit his confidence.

Original poster
SnoodieLife · 28/08/2024 20:52

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 28/08/2024 20:45

I’d imagine he’s feeling particularly shit about it if he’s carrying the can financially because you only work a ‘small part-time job’.

What kind of work is he in? Does he have qualifications? Is there demand for his skills? That would all determine for me whether he should take the settlement or fight it, with ACAS or his union supporting.

Do you have savings? This kind of rainy day is what they are for. Could you maybe go back to work earlier than planned? Not ideal but needs must.

I only work part time as we have another DC, of which has some complex needs so thanks for that comment 👍🏻
Yes he has qualifications from a previous job but he wanted out of that particular line of work as it was very full on, stressful and demanding but I know he would go back to that if he needed to.

OP posts:
1984Winston · 28/08/2024 20:54

Completely get this, my DH lost his job when I was heavily pregnant too, he took a labouring job bless him and then got a job in the right field just before I had our DD. I know it's stressful but all you can do is support him

Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 28/08/2024 20:56

What does he do? Are the skills transferable?

Give each other a hug and then get on it, apply for anything while looking for a job that he wants.

Raquelos · 28/08/2024 21:04

Okay deep breath and try not to panic. First you commiserate with him, call them useless bastards and give him the moral support he will need. You're a team and being made redundant is a huge confidence knock. Also you need him able to get back out there asap.

No need for recriminations or to make a point of what bad timing it is, he knows and this isn't his choice.

Then my advice would be to take the settlement and as pp said immediately get him to an agency to look for another job, anything to tide you both over while he looks for the job he wants.

This feels awful, but really it is a chance for him to find something where he doesn't feel as if he failing, which is the worst feeling in the world and was bound to make him unhappy in the long run.

Best of luck x

Elphamouche · 28/08/2024 21:05

OP I could have written similar myself.

I was 5m pregnant when my husbands employers turned into cunts. Then again when our daughter was 3m old.

You WILL get through this. After 8 weeks off work DH has been offered a job yesterday morning.

Take the settlement, apply for EVERYTHING, not even specific in his field, get something to tide you over and buy you some time.

You will both get through this, we’ve had a really shit couple of years.

Shortpoet · 28/08/2024 21:13

It sounds like they’ve made up their minds already so are loading the decision so that he goes quickly without fuss.
If they want him to sign a compromise agreement as part of the settlement, they should pay for his legal advice.
Also, he needs to get a written agreement as to what his reference will be. It will probably just confirm dates and job title, but it is reassuring to have that agreed in advance of needing it.

And yes, go and sign up with agencies for temp work as soon as possible.

Probably also worth signing on for unemployment benefits the day after his employment ends as you can’t backdate your claim if you leave it longer. Hopefully won’t need it but good to have back up.

Purpleturtle45 · 28/08/2024 21:16

My husband has lost his job a couple of times over the years, he worked in hospitality which is particularly brutal. It's really hard as your initial reaction is just to panic. The main thing is that he commits himself to getting on the job search asap and doesn't stop until he has found something. Hopefully he will find something quickly and the settlement will get you through in the meantime. Sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise, my husband used his settlement to start his own business 4 years ago and is doing really well. Many things can go wrong if course but at least he won't get sacked! 🫣

GivingitToGod · 28/08/2024 21:17

MidnightPatrol · 28/08/2024 20:33

You should be empathetic.

Companies make people redundant for lots of reasons - making it ‘his fault’ sounds unfair given the circumstances. He’s probably very upset.

You should support him in the period to try and turn things round (is it something you can find outside help with?), and if he loses the job help him find others. It might be worth looking at alternatives now if the writing is on the wall.

Spot on.
Sorry this has happened OP, especially at such a vulnerable time. Step by step, things will get better. Take care and be kind to each other

Grandmasswagbag · 28/08/2024 21:24

Errrr you're married. You take him for richer or poorer! I've been through similar with my DH. Going from great salary to not, job changes I probably wouldn't have made, etc. It's an awful lot of pressure being the main breadwinner for a family. Sounds like he's buried his head a bit and you need to be supportive..he should leave and find another role obviously! That will probably be easier for him with support.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 28/08/2024 21:29

Comfort him, reassure him, let him know you're his team mate and it will all be OK. Help him come up with a plan of attack, support and encourage him, peppered with being kind to him right now. Make his favourite dinner, give him some TLC. It can't be underestimated how much he will be feeling deflated and as though he has failed, you need to be the person you'd want him to be if it was you in his situation. Maximum love, comfort and handholding all needed at times like this.

GRex · 28/08/2024 22:16

2 years in, they made a decision and it isn't necessarily fair but he needs hugs to brush off the hurt and immediate job hunting. Get him to contact recruiters who specialise in whatever he does and message old colleagues. Ideally getting the settlement and a new job at the same time.