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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Chronically ill and sad

53 replies

Chronicallyill6 · 28/08/2024 19:19

This isn't an AIBU. It should be in health. I've posted shamelessly for traffic. I'm ill. I've been ill since I was small and there's not lots doctors can do. It's physical and serious. It's very debilitating, I can't go into details. I'm now in my mid-40s and I had maybe 10 years where medication worked, then it stopped. I can't have children, I'm often housebound, I loved travelling and would go to far-flung places on my own and do brave things. I was always so clever and did really well, but now I go for jobs and get usurped by someone with much less qualifications. It's pointless - I couldn't go into an office anyway. I don't know why I do it. I was dumped by someone who realised how ill I was (I was well when I met him). I do work (they employed me before I got sick) but my responsibilities are being pulled away and I'm bossed about by people 15 years younger in an office, while I sit alone at home. They talk about their holidays and weddings and children and I'm so sad. I want a life. I feel like such a loser, just sad and ill and housebound. I've had therapy but the issue is I'm physically unwell - just a quirk of nature that happened before I was born. I'm not after sympathy. I'm after advice but please not therapy as I have a lot of hospital appointments already, and I need to be in the right frame of mind, and I don't have the energy for a dog.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Chronicallyill6 · 29/08/2024 17:44

Happyinarcon · 29/08/2024 15:24

This might sound silly but I worked out my illness was functioning as a protective barrier. As a kid my mother was very abusive and as an adult when I planned to visit her my chronic fatigue would suddenly get tens times worse and I had to cancel.

Maybe start to pay attention to when your health dips and plateaus. It might help you unravel a mental component.

Thanks. I'm sorry about that for you. I've perhaps developed some agoraphobia and stress doesn't help anyway of course, but (and I appreciate I'm being irritating in not giving the illness away) its cause is purely physiological. Multiple scans have proven that. I need to be less stressed, to be less stressed, but sadly it doesn't have an impact symptom wise.

OP posts:
Chronicallyill6 · 29/08/2024 17:47

SiberFox · 29/08/2024 16:20

It sounds like you’re losing hope for and grieving the life you thought you might have. Very tough. And you need others to share it with you.

You mentioned you can’t have children due to your condition - don’t know if it’s going to be relevant or not but Gateway Women is a great connection/support organisation for the childless not by choice and have a group specifically for women who are childless due to health conditions.

Hugs

Yes, I think I do. I'm not motivated to visit somewhere like that, which is absurd. Action before motivation eh!

OP posts:
SiberFox · 30/08/2024 11:06

Chronicallyill6 · 29/08/2024 17:47

Yes, I think I do. I'm not motivated to visit somewhere like that, which is absurd. Action before motivation eh!

I think it’s very normal and common.
They do have just online / chat options if it helps, it’s mostly online actually

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