Hey everyone
I’m looking for some outside perspectives on this one.
it’s a bit of a long story but I’ll try to explain fully.
I’m married with no DC. I’m not very close with most of my family. However, my DH has a close family who I am mostly on good terms with, in particular I’m close with his nephews and sister in law (his brothers wife).
Anyway, they are very much a family who like to do parties and meals for birthdays.
It’s not my thing but I try to make an effort for them.
im constantly asked why I don’t do anything for my birthday, but it’s just never been something I’ve done.
My birthday is early next year and I thought I’d try to do something for myself.Where everyone could celebrate with me.
There is a regular sports team that me, and several of DHs family attend with their kids, and they do birthday packages where you hire out a private space to watch the game so I thought that would be perfect.
I will be paying for the venue and only asking guests to pay for tbeir meal, if they want one. .
There are two spaces available, one with 16 seats
One with 28.
initially I was going to book the 28, but none of my family want to attend, and a couple of my friends can’t make it. So we aren’t going to need that many seats.
But 16 might not be quite enough.
There are 8 of us who regularly go
Me
BiL (I’ll call him A) + 2 of his children
2 of other BIL (I’ll call him B) kids
and 2 friends
So naturally I want to include all of us.
B’s wife is the SIL I get on with and she’d like to come
As would my other SIL who has no kids
My DH will also come as a one off
3 of my friends who I don’t see often would also like to come,
So that’s 14 people
But here is the issue
BIL A has a partner and younger child. He has tried to bring the younger child to the games before and he always has to leave because the child is too young and won’t sit/just cries. But I feel I can’t not invite him.
A also has a long term partner, we don’t get on, and she has caused ALOT of family dramas in the past I get constantly accused of treating her children differently to the others in the family, which is not at all the case, in fact not only do her kids come to all our regular sports games, it’s me who pays for their season tickets!
i dont really want her there because she is one for getting drunk and kicking off at family events but it will cause all kinds of hell if she isn’t invited.
so I’ve invited them all, and I’ve told them I need an answer asap because it’s a place that books up fast.
They keep asking questions but not actually answering me, So unless told otherwise I have to assume they all want to come, Which isn’t ideal as gf has a habit of cancelling last minute. And often times they all don’t come if she doesn’t want to.
But if I include all of them, I only have 1 spare seat, and BIL B hasn’t been invited, nor has his younger child.
When I spoke to his wife she was pretty sure he won’t want to come, but when I said it might be easier not to ask him because I was struggling to make the numbers work
So got upset by that cause she thinks it’s unfair to not invite him when everyone else is going
And I agree,
But she has had a week to ask him and hasn’t because they’ve been fighting, and I need to book now if I’m booking
So I’d have to book for 28 people for the sake of having a seat for one person who may or may not want to come in the end, and for others who may or may not come or may bring a child who is too young and then all leave.
A couple of my friends have said if there isn’t enough seats they’re happy not to come
But that would mean I can only invite 1 friend so that all of DHs family can be included, and then in the end half of them might not even come.
We had a lockdown wedding and it was the same story, I had one guests and he 11 because all his family had to be included.
This is the only time I’ve ever asked anyone to show up for me and I feel like I’m already been messed about to the point I want to just cancel the entire thing.
AIBU to want to cancel?
And I know the right answer is that I should do what I want, only invite who I want and fuck the rest of them because it’s my day
But honestly, the drama that would cause simply isn’t worth it