To struggle with this? Or am I being weak?

[dreamtea]

Single parent to ds who just turned two. Been back at work full time since he was one. I have had to take various bits of holiday when he’s been unwell etc. I have 3 days left between now and January.

I hate it so much. I used to love my job and now it’s just chaos everyday. The main thing is my mind, it’s all over the place. I have a professional career and things are picked up on if you even so much as make a spelling mistake. I used to be good at managing it all but now I rush to drop off nursery after being up two hours with ds already and changing nappies etc the usual. Then I rush home (thankfully can work from home a lot). And then it’s just non stop. I have to leave bang on 5:30 to collect him (nursery closes at 6) then I rush back to do dinner and bath etc. I then have to log in again just to keep up with the workload.

i am utterly miserable. I don’t want to reduce hours as I am already struggling to make ends meet. I also know it would be hard to increase hours again when ds starts school.

every moment of everyday I feel like I’m going to lose my job. I am so stressed about it. I often can’t sleep because of it. I then worry what will happen if I have no job? How will we cope at all? I worry I’m being a shit mum as I am literally always dashing round.

Before anyone asks where is his dad, he sees him at weekends and absolutely refuses to do anything in the week as it ‘doesn’t fit around his job.’

I don’t know what to do anymore. I am sick with anxiety all the time.

It's relentless until they around 6. Make the most of your weekends. Do you have family that can give you a break?

@Ponoka7 no I have no support at all. I am constantly worried about work.

Would a different job make any difference? You sound incredibly stressed and I hope things improve for you soon.

This sounds incredibly stressful, I’m sorry for you. You say you catch up on work in the evenings - could you do some at the weekends instead when your child is with their dad, so you can relax a bit more in the evening?

I have to say, even with two parents who are supportive of each other, working and having toddlers/pre-school children is really hard. You do just have to grit your teeth and get through these very intense few years. Then suddenly you realise you’re out the other side and before you know it they’re teens and these days are a distant memory. Maybe that’s not helpful, but honestly sometimes it’s just taking it one day at a time and knowing this won’t last forever.

In the absence of supportive family or your ex pulling his weight a bit more I suppose the only other option is looking for a different, less stressful job.

Your ex is obviously a prize twat. No wonder he's your ex. It sounds really hard, and to be doing it all on your own must be exhausting.
You're not weak, you sound bloody amazing.

It's absolutely not the same as having two working parents.

I've read about single mum partnerships where two single mums get together to coparent and support each other, no idea how you'd set it up though.

Thanks. I can cope with the general stress and having no time but when I start to worry i won’t have a job that’s when I just really start to lose control of my thoughts. I just don’t know how to get through it or when or how or if it will ever better

You don't say if you are renting or have a mortgage, but perhaps it's worth looking at what your financial situation would be if you worked say 20 hours a week near home. Possibly in a different line of work

Look at Entitledto or something similar. Reason I ask about housing is you can get help with rent but not mortgage.