NC as could be outing.
Will try and keep this as brief as possible.
My ex dh and I share a ds13. We split when he was 3. Ex could be very abusive towards me. Controlling, lied, took my money, we did have physical fights on occasion. He had a horrible temper which I suppose I ended up mirroring. It was very toxic.
Anyway as we've grown up things got better and we get on well overall. Both remarried, both have other dc. My ex has always been consistent with our son and 90% of the time they have a great relationship. They do a lot together, ex facilitates clubs and sports when I can't do it. Sees him weekly, pays his due and all is fine. People remark on what a good co parenting set up we now have.
But every now and then, maybe only once or twice a year there will be an incident where ex loses his temper with ds and treats him horrible. Verbally threatening, swears, has thrown things at him. Never anything physical but I know it terrifies ds. Because it happens so rarely and everything is good the rest of the time ds has never expressed a desire not to see him. And quite often I don't even find out about these things until a few weeks or so later when ds tells me. I've had it out with my ex, told him it's not acceptable and he agrees. But he can't keep a lid of his temper it seems.
Anyway the last time anything like this happened was probably about 2 years ago. They are on holiday at the moment and something has happened again. Ex suggesting ds has just been told off for his attitude. Ds saying there was a lot of threatening language, swearing and he wants to come home. For the first time he said he hates his dad and he's horrible, he's never said anything like this before.
They are approximately an 8 hour drive away (up in Scotland while we are midlands). I am livid. I hate the thought of ds being upset while away. I would happily go get him but I have a feeling by the time I got there it would have blown over as it usually does. I also want to really fucking lay into my ex but I don't want to do it while they are still away in case it makes things worse for ds.
I'm anxious and panicky thinking about ds being upset. They have now apparently gone out and he's said he'll try and make the best of it but he feels very awkward. It's so hard because ex is generally a good dad but his temper in these situations is completely unacceptable and borderline abusive. I don't know what to do or how to handle this.