Violent Siblings - WWYD

[FootInTheMouth]

This concerns extended family and I am not sure what to do.

Big Brother (aged 15) threw a phone at his annoying Little Sister (aged 9). It hit her on the head, the wound was bleeding. Their mother considered going to the hospital but didn’t because there would be a long wait. Social Services have been involved with the family in the past due to allegations of neglect. Big Brother shows no remorse.

What would you do?

• keep your fingers crossed and hope the school notices the scar and intervenes but otherwise ignore it?
• report to social services? What would social services even do in a situation like this? (And I am concerned about the mother’s behaviour towards both children if social services become involved).
• report to the police because a report would have been made if they hadn’t been siblings?

Report it to social services - absolutely no question. If they have been involved before for neglect, you have absolutely no choice. They will involve the police if they need to, but you can't just hope the school says something.

Yeah, sorry because of the age gap and background, I'd report to SS. If you wait for school the 9 year old might either be told or decide to create a different story.

I don't even say this lightly, I think sometimes SS can make things worse rather than better. Do you know how well founded their previous involvement was? I've heard of families where a referral seemed a bit silly and others that were completely the right thing to do.

Will it be obvious it was you who made the report?

P.S. I don't have extensive knowledge of SS, but worked in a semi-linked profession.

I imagine if they'd worked with the family before, they'd review previous files, ask to contact schools and GP to check whether concerns there, visit the family and interview the children, and ask why they didn't present at A&E (can be a sign of abuse, neglect or hiding things).

If you are genuinely worried how the mother will behave towards the children if she realises they've been reported, state that when you make the report. SS will then judge whether they need to make some investigation without consent / letting the parents know, I believe.

Is it the mother or the son you're wishing to report. Who do you believe is at fault here?

I agree that SS can make things worse and that is the reason I have to stopped to think about this first.

The previous reports have come from several different sources (none from me) including a family member, school, an angry ex, and possibly the ex’s new girlfriend. I think there was also an A&E report a long time ago for a broken wrist. Some reports may have been unjustified but in my opinion there are definitely at least some that were justified.

I do think they have been neglected in several ways - they live in unhygienic conditions, subsist on junk food, frequently left alone, rarely supervised, largely ignored, they have witnessed domestic violence (and now appear to be committing it themselves).

But my concern is what SS might do and how that might make life even harder for them.

Given that it is violence between siblings, would they be split up with one sent to live with Dad and the other staying with Mum? Because Mum would definitely blame the Younger Sister if Big Brother were sent away. I do get the impression that Big Brother is the favored child and husband substitute.

Or would they all be packed up and sent to Dad? Possibly a better option because Mum can’t blame a remaining child that way. But the violence may continue if they are still together. (Although there are more rules at Dad’s house apparently which, I think, leads to them behaving better there).

I don’t think it would be obvious that I made the report because there are other people who will eventually hear about this (school, family members, ex husband). But even if I could be identified, I will still report if I think it is a better option.

I really just want to understand what might happen, best and worse case scenario, before I decide if I should or not.

I thought I would be reporting an incident rather than a person. In my opinion,Big Brother is at fault here but Mum isn’t covering herself in glory.

After BackForABit’s post, I am wondering if Mum decided not to go to the hospital so it could be swept under the carpet rather than not wanting to wait in A&E.

If they had gone to the hospital, is this the sort of injury that would have triggered a SS referral?

I asked who before you said the brother was the favourite.
I was thinking along the lines of removing the bully brother (I would if in her situation) to live with the other parent.
However if he's her favourite and she's likely to blame her I'd backtrack that thought and suggest she lived with her dad to safeguard, however I wouldn't think it would be SS insisting this but rather wanting an explanation to how she plans to safeguard her dd in the future and that seems an option.

Mum has a duty to seek medical advice for her dd. She’s not doing so for whatever reason, she’s also already been reported due to neglect. Neglect is abuse. The children are being abused.

You have a duty to report it. By not reporting you are supporting the neglect.

It makes you wonder why the ds is violent. Is he experiencing violence, is he trying to get attention, is this how they communicate, is he being taught how to behave? Maybe he’s just a bad egg.

I think you need to report regardless of what happens. You’ve done a lot of mental acrobatics there about where the children may or may not go. Ultimately, that will be decided by SS or other family members and I would imagine after a full on investigation of the actual facts of the matter