What’s wrong with me?

[Blueberryancakes]

So for several years now I’ve had a problem.
Im scared of certain situations.
So I am terrified of being somewhere busy like a concert or a theatre and being caught in a terrorist attack.
I once had to leave the theatre in the middle of a performance because a man that sat next to me had a backpack and I was convinced it was a bomb.

Im terrified of going somewhere busy with my child or going abroad with her as I’m convinced she will be kidnapped.

Someone came into the cinema half way through and sat behind me and I had to leave as my brain had convinced me they were going to throw acid over me.

Public transport freaks me out as I’m worried a member of public will speak to me or someone will have a knife on them.

I was in Tesco and the lights went off- I was convinced terrorists had locked us in and were going to kill us all. I abandoned my full trolley and ran out of there so fast!

I avoid concerts, cinemas, theatres, festivals.
The summer holidays have been terrible as I’ve not taken my child anywhere as it’s just too busy and that worries me so
much.

I feel like I’m going mad. Why can’t I do these normal activities without thinking I’m going to get killed or my child gets kidnapped.

This has been going on for about 8 years.

Sounds like a probable anxiety disorder.

That is not an easy one.

I will not go to crowded events like carnivals, big concerts, festivals, massively busy tourist resorts or cruises, sporting events. In short, any where it may take ages to leave. Fire is my worry or stampedes.

Having said that though I recognise that I was able to bend my own rules as a younger woman in order to go dancing. 🕺

I will say that I never had to leave a place because I worried about an acid attack or similar.

That seems worth paying attention to and sorting out. It sounds like something that could become very debilitating.

I had similar worries about someone hurting my DD when she was born. I had an overwhelming panic in a shop that someone could throw acid over her. I recognise now, years later that I probably had PND but I was also in a dysfunctional relationship and so the lines were blurred.

I actually do completely understand your worries about terrorist attacks and in the cinema recently I kept a close eye on the other people in there, especially people coming in and out after using the bathroom.
I'm quite anxious generally and have to really argue with myself some days in order to go to busy places, I usually go early in the morning to avoid busy times in shops etc
I've had counselling to try and address my anxiety and the reasons for it, talking things through definitely helped.

I'd see if you can speak to your GP or get some talking therapy if possible, it is a really limiting way to live and I hope you can get some support with it. Good luck.

Your fears are irrational and are impacting on the quality of your life and potentially your children's. I suggest you have therapy to get these risks into perspective. A lot of people don't like and avoid crowds but events like acid attacks and suicide bombers are so infinitesimally rare that they really are not worth a second thought.
Avoid the news because you clearly cannot handle it.

This is anxiety. Sounds like your stuck in your primitive brain.

I wonder how much time you spend on your phone? Can you reduce it?

Do you do yoga, meditate, keep a gratitude journal? Do you exercise?

Please try doing one of those things every day for a month and see how you feel. Stop reading the news on your phone too.

In todays world a lot of this anxiety is rational. The problem is it also stops you living. I would speak to a GP.