Wwyd? Brother passed ex info on.

[Elsiedarlingputthekettleon]

Posting for other opinions on this, because I'm wondering....aibu?

I have two brothers, for the purpose of this I'll call them Bill and Ted (none of them are 'excellent' in my opinion right now!).

Bill was contacted on social media by a woman who claimed to know Ted, (he's changed his name and she couldn't find him directly), from way back. Bill asked who she was, and she said she was an old friend just reaching out. She didn't go by the name she had gone by previously either. Bill contacted Ted and told him a woman was trying to reach him, and Ted (married), said he didn't know who she was (then looked, and he realised she was an ex, who he admittedly had always had a thing for). Ted told Bill that he wasn't going to contact her. Messages got deleted....unsure why (in case my sis in law saw them?) but both sides wiped their WhatsApp.

Ted then of course contacted the woman with a view to see what she wanted, and in his mind, he was interested. My sis found out (after much lying), and the shit hit the fan. I'm upset for her, and furious Ted is such a dickhead, but aibu to also be annoyed at Bill? What good would it do to pass on a message from a woman, regardless of who she said she was? Wouldn't you say he is married and leave it at that? Ultimately Ted is the asshole, but I'm struggling to know why you would pass this on? Or aibu?

YABU - it's Ted who is the dickhead and has the responsibility towards his wife - don't shoot the messenger
YANBU - Bill is stirring the pot, no need to pass the info on.

Curious to know also if anyone else would pass a message on, if so, why?

Even if Bill deleted the messages because Ted told him "She's an ex I'm going to try to hook up with and I don't want my wife to know" Ted is the only one to blame. Or do you think Bill should have warned his SiL that arsehole Ted was looking to cheat?

Ted is an adult - no need for Bill to protect him,

Also, if Bill shut her down, it's likely she would try someone else, so it's best for Bill to know she's asking around.

Ted deserves all of the wrath.

Ooh this happened to me @Elsiedarlingputthekettleon

My FB profile is not my name so an ex contacted my brother and asked him to tell me that he was going to be in my area and would like to meet up. My ex had turned out to be a cheater - I only found that out from a mutual friend after I had broken up with him but he always felt aggrieved because I had broken up with him “for no reason” - in fact, the reason was intuition, I just felt something wasn’t quite right anymore. Anyway I digress. I said no way but also I was mad with my brother for attempting to put the ex in touch with me because I wondered why he would do that…I’m happily married and this guy is a known cheat (in later life also). It just felt a bit disrespectful and shit-stirring and boundary-lacking of my brother. If I wanted to be in touch with randoms from my past, I would be already and I wouldn’t have made myself incognito on FB.

Anyway a while later DB told me someone else, not an ex, had contacted him and he wasn’t sure if it was ok after the previous time….as it wasn’t a cheating ex I didn’t mind on that occasion 🤷‍♀️

Oh sorry, to answer your question, I wouldn’t pass the message on to a sibling if they were married or I knew the ex was no-good.

Bill done the right thing. He had no right to gatekeep the message.

Ted is a bit of an AH. Bill not so much. There could have been lots of reasons for her wanting to get in touch

Bill wasn't unreasonable to pass on the initial contact, it could have been for anything.

Let's face it though he strayed on shaky ground when he helped delete evidence.

It doesn't matter whether he is a friend of SIL or not. It wasn't very moral to collude once he knew something was clearly dodgy.