Ex-husband being deliberately difficult - what can I do?

[Workingmummyto1]

Before I start I accept the answer is probably 'not much' but just looking for some reassurance that my feelings are not completely unjustified.

Brief back story. Messy divorce, and husband caries huge amount of resentment. Part of the reason for my leaving was his constant refusal to seek help with his mental health which made it very difficult to enjoy wheat I would class as a 'normal' family life (think days out, holidays, socialising, play dates etc).

We have shared custody with our child living primarily with me in term time and with the holidays weighted towards my ex-husband. To make this arrangement work we have to agree a year in advance how we allocate holidays, accommodate other events (weddings, school trips etc).

We have just been trying to agree the next academic year. I have proposed a few weekend swaps (to accommodate weddings we have been invited to, and mothers day) and a holiday split to allow child to go on a (much anticipated!) school trip. Ex-husband has point blank said no to all. No justification other than wanting to 'ring-fence' his time.

Can't help but think he's doing this simply to be spiteful - no conflicts with his plans that I am aware of - he just wants to make my life more difficult.

Anyone had to deal with similar and found a path to compromise?

Court. That's the only way.

Sorry to be blunt. My ex dicked me around for ages, demanded switching days, refus d to switch for me. Final straw came when he refused a family holiday.

Sometimes you have to formalise things with a very stern message, and court will do that. A formal arrangement with additional specific issues orders if necessary. No court will reduce DC a school trip over dad being an arse.

Have you been through court/mediation? If not I'd suggest mediation.

In the mean time I'd put in writing formally and politely that you want to do the following for the child's best interest.

Try to put forward that it's in the childs best interest for your child to be with you on mothers day and him on fathers day whenever that falls.

Weddings - if family weddings then these should be facilitated if possible - again in child's best interest. If it's more your friend has invited them along too then I think you'll have to go with the "it will be nice but understand if it's a no".

School trip - very much in child's best interest- is there no way she can go anyway even on "his time" or is there a crazy distance in play here?