Redundancy, long distance, TTC

[spanishharlem1]

AIBU
We’re in a right pickle and it feels like there is no solution. DP and I have been together for three years. I’m 37 he’s slightly older. In June DP was warned that his current role was being made redundant. He was offered another role with the company but based in Madrid. It’s not a role he particularly wants and it’s less money because it’s a Spanish salary rather than UK. He’d need to find accommodation in Madrid and upend everything. I cannot move. I don’t speak Spanish and my career is here, important to me and is not something I can do abroad. He sees it as a temporary move until he finds something back in the UK. We would do long distance. The alternative however is him being made redundant, being unemployed for however long and having to find a new job. He is feeling very stressed and hating the thought of being unemployed. I’m at the point where I want to TTC. I don’t have much time left at my age. I do have some frozen eggs but not loads and there is no guarantee that using them will end in a baby so I don’t want to rely on them. It would be foolish to TTC when he’s not working. We couldn’t afford for me to be on mat leave if he was not working. I get full mat pay for 4 months then 1/2 pay followed by stat mat pay. It wouldn’t be affordable. It all feels like such a mess and we’re drowning.

AIBU to be feeling so negative? Should I just see it as a temporary, agree that it’s just for a short period and we’ll get through the other side?

It seems a big upheaval to move to Spain when it's not really what he wants and it just using it as a stop gap.

Is the job he does very niche and hard to come by often? Does he have a house he would have to sell?

In my opinion it would be best to take the redundancy and search for another role.

Is the absolutely no way you could get a job that suits in Spain?

It is difficult situation and I would probably prioritise being together and ttc. Even if you caught right away that gives him 9 months to find another job.

Probably not much help but sending you good luck whatever you both decide.

Madrid is fabulous, I'd absolutely love to move to a job in Madrid! The quality of life there is vastly superior to the UK.

Is your job absolutely not transferrable?

What is the timescale here? Id say if he was warned in June, offered the Madrid job but didn't really want it - what has he done about finding an alternative? If nothing, I'd be questioning his commitment to your relationship tbh. You say you want to TTC, but what does he want?

It looks like the obvious solution is for him to start looking for another job and take the redundancy when it's actually offered (is it a decent package?) that way the gap would be shortlived and you may not even be pregnant by then with another 9 months to go before baby actually arrives.

What type of role and level of seniority is he looking for? Something here doesn't quite add up for me I'm afraid.

It doesn’t sound like Spain is a viable option for your relationship, financially, or for your family. Why can’t he start looking for jobs here now?

Why would someone take a job in Spain that they don't want? Surely he has transferable skills and can get another job locally?

You said you want to start ttc but does he?

If he does want to, there’s nothing stopping him looking for a new job now. He’s had two months since June to start looking for something else. It sounds like he wants to go to Madrid which is a great option, but not one that someone would take if they’re ready to progress a relationship here.