Moving

[baddecision]

Hi,

I'm days away from exchanging contracts on the sale of our house. It's a big relocation move, 100 ish miles from 'home'.

The driver of the move has been much better schools, bigger house, safer town. Moving from a very suburban town, hour from London, to a more rural smaller town location. 1.5 ish hours from London. However, the little spot where we live now is lovely, and we are lucky to have a lovely home. But dreadful secondary schools.

I want to pull out. DH is fuming.
My gut is screaming that this has been a terrible decision for these reasons:

• Less opportunity for the kids as young adults in a more rural area, further from London
• distance from a hospital; foolishly I didn't realise it would be so far - 30 mins drive - what if the break their leg?
• leaving everything/everyone we know
• what if DH loses his job ? Could happen anywhere, I know.

It's not just all this though, it just suddenly feels all wrong.

Am I just having a last minute panic? I can't stop crying. I have been so active in getting us to this point, chasing estate agents, finding myself a new job, viewing schools, fighting to get places in said schools.... the lot! I even picked this town to move to!

Now I'm freaking out and want to pull the plug.

WWYD?

Thanks

Take a deep breath and try to work out whether these are just last minute nerves or genuine concerns.

As young adults your children may go off to university elsewhere anyway. They might stay in their uni towns to get jobs.

For some of us a hospital being 30 mins away is the norm.

Yes jobs can be more limited in rural areas but depending on what he does there are more wfh opportunities these days.

Ifs buts and maybes. This move could be the best thing that you have ever done or it could be the worst....but you wont know until you do it. If you dont settle then move again ? Drastic and a hassle maybe but life is short and you have to take a chance sometimes.

Yes - I realsie it could all be absolutely wonderful. I can't get past the what if it's not?!

I also want to be near my kids when they eventually settle down one day; where we live now this is a very common thing as the proximity to London means most people stay in the area. I also know there is no way of predicting what they'll do!! I just feel moving makes it less likely.

The children getting a great education is crucial; they won't have the chance of great careers without it. We can't afford private without selling our current home anyway so staying at home would mean a move soon anyway, even if just locally.

My DH has a very successful London based career, which he will continue on a hybrid/WFH basis. If needed he could commute everyday from the new house but wouldn't be ideal at all. I worry his company will see his further distance as a liability and he'll be made redundant.

This is a lot of ifs and buts....
My nearest hospital is 25 minutes drive away and I live in a large-ish city. If you break a leg, 5 extra minutes are not going to make much of a difference.
You are considering selling your home to send you kids to private school as opposed to selling your home to get to an area with better state schools. This doesn't make any sense.
You want to be next to your children but your children may not want to be near you. They may want to explore other areas in the country, move abroad. Heck, they may even want to become an artist and a writer or an eco-activist and go live in Lammas project in Wales. You can't start dreaming up a world of high careers for them when they haven't even started secondary school.
Your husband's company agreed to his hybrid working. Why would they agree to it if they thought it was a liability?

Moving is scary, I've done it a dozen times up and down the country. Every time I move a bit further away from a big city, I feel like I will be missing out. Honestly, we are now planning to buy a remote pocket of land and build in the next couple of years and I haven't regretted leaving London... not once. I miss my tiny flat on Holloway Road but that is because I was young and care-free and living in the exciting part of the city. An hour away from London may as well be 1,5h as far as I am concerned.

Taking your concerns in turn - the hospital thing really is not an issue. An accident could happen anywhere but it probably won't and anyway being more rural means clearer roads so travel time would be similar.

As long as you are near a train station, your dp will be able to commute so don't worry about the job thing.

Your DCs will fly the nest eventually. They may go to universities in different directions UEA and Strathclyde - how would you deal with that?

You have to deal with the issues that face you now, finding an area that is safe, practical now and offers great education.

Go and enjoy a new experience. Enjoy it.

Perhaps I want very clear on the school front.

Moving takes up to outstanding primary, secondary and sixth forms. All state schools.

If we stay at 'home' we'd need to move anyway to pay for private. To a smaller house/cheaper area of town.

Sorry for the confusion.

I know I'm processing a lot of ifs and buts here. I can't help it sometimes, I'm a long term sufferer of anxiety and once I pull a worrying thread, every possible situation spirals in my mind.
Change is always a huge trigger for me.